Questions that I can not answer…

Questions that I can not answer…
My personal favorite things in the world are people who call me on vacation, well maybe I’m being a little sarcastic here.

I got no less than 5 calls so far this vacation asking the various questions that always, I the great Seanac, have no answer to, such as:

These questions were not hermetically sealed, and were asked of me between 5:30 and 9:15 last night the 4th of July!
Oh Great Seanac: What time does the fireworks start tonight?
Great Seanac: Dark

Oh Great Seanac: Did someone die in the parade?
GS: Not that I saw, but I was tempted to hit Jeff McGuire with a shovel

Oh Great Seanac: Sorry for bothering you while on vacation…
GS: Then why do it?

Oh Great Seanac: Where is my dad?
GS: I dunno? Do I look like his keeper?

Oh Great Seanac: Should I get something to eat?
GS: I dunno… Are you Hungry?

Oh Great Seanac: When will the fireworks finish?
GS: When they stop blowing up

So I was searching online for a tribute to Johnny Carson’s Infamous Carnac and found Ed McMahons intro…

“I have in my hand an envelope, a child of four can plainly see these envelopes are hermetically sealed. They’ve been kept since noon today in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnalls’ porch. No one-but one!-knows the contents. In his mystical, and borderline way; Carnac will now ascertain the answers having never heard the questions”

And my personal response to all the people asking stupid questions…

May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana.

Hoooooooooooooooooooooo!
“When I die, I don’t want a huge funeral. I don’t want a lot of
fanfare and eulogies. I just want a few of my very best friends and
family to gather around my grave…. and try to bring me back to life.”
—JOHNNY CARSON (1925 – 2005)

So for the love of God and everything holy, please please please

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK
This message brought to you by the Jeff McGuire School for the Criminally Insane.