Insomniac Journal

The views in the following article are silly. The advertisers have been changed to protect the guilty.
I was sitting up trying to study for an exam when I came to a point where I couldn’t tell Schenck from Simpson. I decided to take a look at the television and watch what there is to see on the TV at 2:30 in the morning. I discovered the world of what should be called Insomniac TV

“Well when you have that not so regular feeling”
Well that is just what I need to hear at 3 in the morning
“For gas and indigestion”
My stomach started to rumble
“It has that rich chocolate flavor like it used to”
Darn Now I was hungry
“Mom do you douche”
Now I started to feel nauseous
“For external vaginal yeast infections”
Close to hurling time…
“Athlete’s Foot Irratation”
“Can’t sleep use…”
Arrgh I searched a majority of the channels and found what most of us insomniacs find at 3 in the morning. Trashy TV Commercials ranging from phone sex to vaginal cream . Certain stations decide that it is time to lets see what is the worst informercial that can fit this time slot. In between the psychic connection and the vacuum that can hold a car it gets really silly. I mean how many people need a shammie that can hold up to a gallon of water. Then I saw the car wax that saved a car from fire. I thought A. What else is there and B. It wouldn’t be there if we really didn’t buy it or want it.
Sitting in my chair I wondered if the cosmic television gods were just playing with me and this nightmare was just a coincidence. So I tried again the next night and I found the same. They started to somewhat hypnotically get my attention .I almost fell into the trap and started to call the hosts by his or her first name. I discovered how many famous people really must have needed money to endorse the “Acme Butt Cruncher”. But then the concept of the “Acme Butt Cruncher” broke me out of my trance. I was curious. I wasn’t tired. I had to find out more.
Hmm Maybe it was just a plot. So I made a couple of calls. The people who actually thought that I was serious and didn’t hang up on me told me that certain advertisers liked late night spots. So I called an advertiser and asked why he didn’t advertise during prime time A man that we can only call BOB answered. After bribing him with the prospect of actually buying the Acme Butt Cruncher I probed for more details.”Oh we couldn’t afford it if we wanted to” Bob said. “Why would we want normal people to but this?” I had to agree.
So it came to advertisers who want to reach to gas ridden , sleep deprived , irregular feeling people some with yeast infections or athletes foot.
Hmmm
Either I should sleep more or just
Sean Dillon is an admitted insomniac and refused delivery of a free Acme Butt Cruncher