Please respect my rights

This work by Sean A. Donahue is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Day 1 in Hawaii

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was Hawaiian Vacation.

Paging Mr. Griswald, Paging Mr. Griswald, please meet your Tragedy at the rental car company.

We got on the plane to Hawaii in the afternoon. I tried to keep the kids up late the night before, like that was hard heh, so that they would be tired on the trip and would fall asleep on the airplane.

Ryan is sideways about going to Maui!

“I don’t wanna get up”

That was not how it happened though. Even though we had woke up early to get to our plane in PLENTY OF TIME (2 Hours before takeoff)the kids were full of vim and vigor.

Now I understand that kids have a traditional diet, but my kids are PICKY. We had got breakfast for them, I say we, but it was actually my sister Kiri but both Shelby and Ryan wouldn’t eat much of the Egg McMuffin we gave em. So she argued why she couldn’t eat the EMM. I realized then that my plan had backfired. She was going to fight the tiredness she felt all the way to Maui. That was my first mistake.

We got to the airport where I took the portable DVD layer that I had bought out and put a movie in.

This was my first success! Mom warned me about running my batteries down before the plane even pushed off but she had forgotten about the power port that was at my seat and I was needing the kids to settle down and relax.

My angels watching a movie, SHARING!

NOW EVERYONE WANTS TO WATCH

My evil plan had worked, rather than running around and being cranky on the plane, the kids relaxed and watched a movie. This was PERFECT!

We got on the plane and actually sat in the seats that my brother and sister in law were supposed to sit in. So I got to kick my brother in the back all trip long. When he got loud, kick. When we wanted to borrow a movie, kick. But that got tiring after the first hour.

The rest of the seven hour trip we spent watching movies, trying to get the kids to eat the Turkey sandwiches that my mom had bought everyone at the Admirals Club.

“I won’t eat the lettuce daddy,” said one child.

“I won’t eat the tomatoes daddy,” said the other child.

“I don’t care what you like. Eat what you like and give the rest to me. I’ll eat it,” I said aggrivated one hour into the flight.

“Daddy, you’ll eat anything,” Shelby said to me and then blushed when she realized what she said, “But I still love you Daddoo!”

I thought that this would be the longest plane trip alive when…

“Daddy I have to go to the bathroom.”

It was my son Ryan, who was holding his junk with his hand. We walked to the bathroom and let him in after a woman and a baby had left.

“Daddy…”, “Yes Ry Ry?”

“I can’t go in there. It’s disgusting.”

Now there has to be a rule that you get some sort of disinfectant, or deodorizer in the johns especially when you know that you are taking people 7 hours without a stop. BUT there was no luck.

Somehow there was the “Magic Blue Water” on the floor in front of the john and it smelled like some baby had died.

“Ryan, can you hold it for 4 hours?”

“Daddy, I HAVE to GO!” Ryan said as he started the potty dance, which consisted of him holding his junk while dancing his legs up and down.

“I suggest you hold your nose and go then Ry Ry,” I tried to be serious but when your son is holding his junk while dancing it is comedy.

We walked in, I helped him drop trou and less than a second later he had taken care of business.

He had to wash his hands and then said to me as we walked back to our seats… “Daddy was I that smelly when I was a baby?”

“No Ryan, you were worse.”

Behind us on the plane were a set of drunks that had started to drink 2 hours before they got on the plane, I know I saw them at the airport bar (which they should be punished for drinking at the airport bar for that long in the first place).

Drinking and drinking they did over and over again, buying $20 round after $20 round. They got louder and louder , taking pictures in the cabin and I watched several gropes and kisses.

An hour before we landed the stewies came out and ‘serenaded’ this couple, which we had seen groping as well as kissing as they got drunker and drunker.

I couldn’t tell if they were engaged or new members of the Mile High Club. My sister Kelly thought she heard that the stewies were singing about the Mile High Club. I swore that I heard them say something about congratulations on your engagement when they brought the small bottle of bubbly out. But what do I know?

Finally, after hours of watching movies, playing games with the kids, and the infamous bathroom incident, we landed safely in Maui.

Dad had made sure that each member of our 21 person group got leid when we came off the plane.

I joined Tom Worthy, Kiri and my dad as we went over to the rental car company to get the rental cars for the trip. I found out late in the planning stages that I was going to be the “designated driver” for our condo. JOY! So I had to go with them to get our car. When we got to the Alamo rental bus we had to wait, cause there was “No Room at the inn…” so we waited until the next bus came and got to the agency, to wait once again in another line.

Finally we got up to the rental counter where they asked to see my id as I was to be an authorized driver.

Except after waiting for 20 min for them to get everything together I found out that when signing the contract that they put my Middle name Last Name as the authorized contract.

“Uh, I’m not going to sign this sis.” I told Kiri, the family lawyer and my sister.

“Sign the damn thing and lets get going,” she persisted.

So I signed it and we went to the designated spot to get the car, filed in and went to the gate where the guard was supposed to check us out and make sure that we had the right car.

Come on, can you say it with me? INSTANT TRAGEDY!

“Dis is wong car sir.” The guard mumbled.

“This is the car that was in the spot which my contract says,” I said as I pointed to the space 36 on the contract and pointed to space 36, which no longer had a car in it.

“This is not the right car.” So we sat, and sat while he, twiddled his thumbs, called for ‘assistance’ and held up the line of people around us.

(HONK HONK, MOVE IT BUDDY)

The only problem with the Alamo lot is that all the cars have the keys in them when you get out of the lot, and if some moron screws up and puts the wrong van in the wrong space, you have to wait until you get ‘Authorized’ and the id and info on your current rental car put on the right contract.

(HONK HONK, MOVE IT BUDDY)

(Some of us want to leave before DARK!)

Finally the moron at the gate made me sign this form saying that I had taken the wrong car, (even though he admitted it was their fault) and we drove on while people behind us now cursed the guard for his moroncy. We drove up to the terminal and loaded everything up.

Now maybe 3 vans wasn’t enough for 21 people, but we squeezed everyone in. I could smell the wonderful air of Maui and just thanked the Big Guy I wasn’t in Lubbock.

We were fairly close to our home for the next week, Kihei

As we approached what we thought was the right road, it took us awhile to get where we thought we were going. It was slow cause we ha to make sure we kept up with each other and dad had the directions while Tom and Kelly’s car had the navigation system.

But the skies were glorious!

Liam took some pictures so I didn’t have to in the car.

Have I mentioned how much I hate my picture being taken?

If you like trees I got some cool backgrounds for you!

Paradise

So after a wrong turn (we should have made the LEFT turn at Albequerque) we finally got to the condo. 1/2 block from the beach. I thought it was 3 blocks but after I walked it, it was nothing more than a hop skip and a jump to the beach.

So Mom, both sisters Kelly, Kiri and I head to Safeway for groceries. I am there to drive and brute force.

As we pull up to the shopping center I see an Outback Steakhouse.

“Doesn’t a Wallaby Darned sound nice now ladies?” I asked.

“Don’t lose your focus Sean,” my mother told me.

“Just one Mom?”

“After that plane ride, we wouldn’t have just one. Lets get the groceries.” Mom did look back at the Outback once or twice.

“Oh a Wallaby Darned sounds so good right now”

“SEAN!”

I looked around quickly and realized that the best way to go was to get a Safeway Club Card. More evidence of that tomorrow.

While we were shopping Mom told me that the car that her and Dad were in wouldn’t stop beeping.

(Phone Rings)

Dad decides that he is going to take the rental car back because he thinks that the car has an electrical problem (hmm that’s funny and almost forboding) and asks Mom to read him the instructions on how to get back to the airport from the condo.

Without her glasses mom is useless and she turns it to me.

“Get on the Pilani Highway…”

“Fuck it I’ll find it myself… (Click)”

At the end of the shopping we spent over $420 on food. If we didn’t register for the Safeway club card, it would have been close to $550. Good move by Sean.