This work by Sean A. Donahue is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
It’s only 382 miles to Lubbock… but she’s just a smile from my heart.
I’m so glad that the kids will be here tomorrow. I need to be reaching out rather than pushing away as I have been in the last 36 hours. I can deal with pressure, I love pressure, but pressure without reward or even the illusion of reward means crap to me.
I’ve hadn’t played cards much since the infamous “Aww What the hell tournament” last Sunday. I’ve been avoiding the BBToo events, not because I can’t handle the amount of donkery that are in them, but it’s not the correct fergesoneqsue play I need to make. I need to play the $2 SNG’s until I have $100 over my initial $30 “love gift”. Then move up to $5 sng’s until I’m to $250. It’s a bastardized way of the Fergeson, but my target is 50 big bets before I move up. If I am ever below 35 big bets, I move back down. Play my game and get prepared for the big tourney.
As for relationships, I find myself asking for them , then not knowing what to do when I get them.
Maybe the loser is not in any of my exes but in me.
A good friend of mine told me that I needed to have my self esteem kicked in the ass. I think I am a good person, but self doubt trickles in. I hate the holidays that I don’t have my kids but another friend (one of the Boob Patrol at the Jewelry store) told me that I needed to “Go Overboard” in the times that I don’t have the kids to embrace everything that in the past I would have just thrown away.
So I started with the living room and I have been making small changes to my enviornment. Maybe if I start to take care of me first maybe something will change and improve.
I forgot that I don’t have the X-Mas tree up yet, usually when I have the kids for the holidays I have the mini X-Mas tree up so I can put presents underneath there for the kids. SO that will be one of the things that I have to get done when I get home tonight.
My stomach is in a knot. I haven’t seen the kids since May and I am so scared to see how much in six months that they have changed. I’m just very glad that I get to spend a week with them but it scares me to see what changes emotionally. mentally, and physically.that have happened.
Fear.
I try to survive it, yet it sneaks back into my way of life.
My friend Astin commented yesterday that the phrase “It’s only 382 miles to Lubbock” would sound good as a song title. But to make it a country song , you have to add, “but she’s just a smile from my heart”.
Will check back in later if I feel like it…
Posts
Tomorrow! Woot! Have fun my man!
Depends. If it was The Man in Black doing it, there’d be none of that lovey-dovey stuff in it. Unless it was about his daughter perhaps.
It’s only 382 miles to Lubbock – you’d best start runnin’. That might be more appropriate.
Oh, and re: getting back together with exes from yesterday’s post. Simple rule – DON’T.
It’s like going all in with 23o on a paired royal-flush-drawing board at the river after calling big bets the whole way. 99.999999999% of the time it won’t work.
I’m with Astin on the exes comment. Hold out for a good woman without all the background.
Your kids will change – hell, I’ve been gone two days and mine seem different. But they will love you and you’ll have a whole week to love them back in person!
Have a great day – and remind your self-esteem that you are a great guy – you’re keeping my hubby happy and you have no obligation to him except as a human being.
See you soon!
The Wife