Run Silent, Run Deep

I have a low incoming trust factor.  I admit it, I should have been born in Missouri because my usual thought is “Show Me.”  Though I needed to be told things repeatedly because my lack of trust, I need to be shown things.  It all boils down to trust.

 
Main Entry from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
2trust
Function:

verb
Date:

13th century

intransitive verb

1 a: to place confidence : depend <trust in God> <trust to luck> b: to be confident : hope2: to sell or deliver on credittransitive verb1 a: to commit or place in one’s care or keeping : entrust b: to permit to stay or go or to do something without fear or misgiving2 a: to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of : believe <trust a rumor> b: to place confidence in : rely on <a friend you can trust> c: to hope or expect confidently <trusts that the problem will be resolved soon>
 
I’ve had an ongoing joke with the VP here at the office whenever one goes to McDonalds without asking the other, “How could you break the Trust?” We’d laugh about it, but sometimes I can understand that now little trusts can be broiled into bigger ones.
 
I’ve had people at work and my friends on the interwebs entrust me with certain facts and information as I have trusted them.  But that Trust was violated and it ticked me off.  I’ve got a lot riding on my projects, and I even started to obscure them for I needed to pull back what I said.  It’s almost like the sec and it’s quiet period:
 

The federal securities laws do not define the term “quiet period,” which is also referred to as the “waiting period.” However, historically, a quiet period extended from the time a company files a registration statement with the SEC until SEC staff declared the registration statement “effective.” During that period, the federal securities laws limited what information a company and related parties can release to the public.

But I respect the SEC for the things that a quiet period can give a company.  A chance to survived the viciousnes that is corporate america.

 

More after the jump

 

When it comes to things recently I am beginning to be filled with anger.  I have been working on three different and yet incredible projects for a while.  One could cause me to change my path, one could cause me to change my vision, and one is down a path that I have searched for my entire life. 

Yet as I come closer to this deciding moment, I look for another path.  For I don’t trust the paved way that has been presented to me by all three paths.  Things that are worth doing involve brambles, and dirt and the work to fight through narrow paths. 

All three projects have my lifes blood in them, and unless things change may all fall to the wayside.

Because I don’t trust the way. 

I love and hate my job.  But I don’t trust the future.

I’ve seen the rooms filled with friends where they have all been told that they are fired and have to reapply for their jobs.  I’m in the most painful industry.  I’ve seen people get asked to leave because they “aren’t what’s right for the station!”  But that’s my past.  I’ve seen my friends in the TV industry completely change their look, going from blonde, to brunette to plastic surgery to keep their job.  Thank goodness I haven’t had to deal with that.

But I’m dealing with a lack of trust.  I don’t trust almost anyone now.  I trust my family and a couple of choice people and that’s about it.  It’s about protecting me now.

I had a joke with my friend Kerri.  As we were joking how I am the Nice Guy and how we both being divorced find it so hard to trust other people we made a deal.  If both of us aren’t dating someone when I turn 40, we’d just get married.  For I trust her implicity as she trusts me.  We would have to have time away from each other because we both know what to do to piss the other off.

But now I am starting to become very detached, very non emotional.

Why?

Because the only way to deal with the issues that I have no control about.  I think it is the greatest thing to happen to me.

Inner peace.

Problems at work, “Yes sir, I’ll take care of that.”

Problems with not being able to talk to the kids, “Hey it’s your dad, give me a call, love you.”

Problems with the projects, “Well we can work it out.”

There is no reason to have a heart attack, like one of the people I know had due to stress.  No reason to be like a couple of my past coworkers who have stroked out. 

No reason.

Thus, since I have nothing to do until Sunday afternoon, I am going to take tonight to work at the office, since I get more work done when the distractions are not there.

Then hiding until it Sunday afternoon.

Run Silent,
Run Deep.

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