Please respect my rights

This work by Sean A. Donahue is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Brain Dump

Love is love…

Hate is hate…

and business is strictly business.

As Zeppelin says…

It’s nobody’s fault but mine.

I wish people who just read this could understand how much fun I get from shedding the monkey that was on my back playing poker.

Sometimes you have to fire three bullets knowing that the call monkey will call.  Sometimes you have to leave the bullets in the chamber knowing that you will lose.  Until Wednesday I didn’t know the difference.  I think my poker play has grown for the way that I have seen other players, fire bets into pots that they have no possible chance of winning in an attempt to push people off them.  I used to be so passive it was scary.  I used to be so predictable I had Waffles IMing me “Bluff, half bluff. You got the nuts.”  Hell if Waffles can figure me out, what chance do I have of winning.  So I mixed it up.  I was strong passive weak aggressive.  And it paid off.

With the exceptions of family and few people that I have let REAL close into my life, you only know what I write on here.  You only hear my side.  Yes, you don’t hear my ex-wife Angela’s side of the story. I admit that.  But my personal webblog is not for her thoughts or for equal time.

It’s for me.

I’ve dealt with the loss of my closest mentor, my grandfather, my sister due to cancer and my brother due to a horrible accident.

And in writing I’ve found peace.

Yes, I have another site. I’ve found privacy where I can call people out, rant like waffles, and no one is the wiser.

My heart hurts, not because of the countless married women who throw themselves at me (who knew?), but because I spent so long trying to get people to appreciate who I was, that I became something that I didn’t like. I let people take advantage of me, because of my kind hearted nature.

It sounds like a broken record, but I am going to continue to be me, be nice and whatever happens happens.  I used to apologize when I crack somebody’s aces in a game and it would piss them off.  So I don’t do that anymore.  I’m not here to make anybody happy or sad, mad or angry.  I have to take care of me first.

I started to apologize to The CloserX5 yesterday when we talked on the phone. But it wasn’t necessary.  He and I talked about how over a YEAR ago, he donked off a hand where he sucked off and I went off on him.  And how he respected my play, especially Wednesday night.  I’ve never been mad at anyone, confused maybe, but always I move on.

There are people who I’ve yelled and screamed telling them that I would never speak to them again.  That’s a lie.  Because I forgive and I forget. 

People who have hurt me will never get the same trust, information or respect ever again, and sometimes false information to test to see if they are truly trustworthy.  But they NEVER get the same trust again. 

It looks like that the family will be coming up to see me soon since my Saturday night remotes at Lubbock Motor Speedway will be over soon.  We have to finish preparing the house for the tile man, paint the bathroom and the outside of the house.  But I plan to try and make one visit Pre-Okie to the lake with Gary and just hide.  I’ve lost my zen focus in the last couple of days.

I’ve realized that:

I’m never going to slam dunk a basketball in a game.

never going to get the time back that I have lost with my kids.

never going to have everyone like me nomatter how hard I try.

never going to have a day without radio stalkers as long as I am in the business.

the only way that I am ever going to get my book published is to ask for help.

I can never get back the time I wasted not taking chances. I’m going to take the chance of my life soon. It may succeed, it may fail, but the chance will be worth taking.

my maternal grandfather gave me a bald spot and that no hat will make me look better.

there are women that like you for who you are on the inside rather than the outside.

I can’t always be the disciplinarian when sometimes people need a hug.

words hurt

people change

I’ve changed for in some cases better, and in some cases worse.

each day, I get closer to a bunch of friends that mean more to me, because they have become my extended family.

I’m still fat.

you hear that people changed and you try to believe when you know deep in your heart that there is no way that they could change.

that my word has been and will continue to be the greatest asset that I have.

and finally,

dreams are only dreams unless you have the guts, and heart to do them.

I give my heart out easily and I should look up and NOT DOWN for people to share my life with.

And that’s why I am who I am.

I love Westerns, the old time, where you always knew who was the bad guy, for they always wore the Black Hat.

I wear the White hat, trying to help those who need help. But, there are times that I have to wear the Black Hat.

I may not be the perfect hero.  But I am a hero to the people that matter.