This work by Sean A. Donahue is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Change…
I’ve been working on a lot of projects this last couple of months…
So lets get you caught up:
I found a wonderful woman, lost her, found her again.
I had issues at work which I can’t mention and have made adjustments to correct the issues.
I haven’t played poker much because I haven’t been home much, lot of work, lot of renovation, lot of Texas Tech Football, lot of don’t care.
I have lost my voice, not only physically but mentally. I used to write because I had something to say, but recently I lost it due to actions in and beyond my control. It took a while for me to find my voice again. Not to succomb to the death of what gave me joy for so long, the ability and the desire to write.
And only have I found peace recently. Peace in my heart and peace in my mind.
I won’t be controlled or manipulated. I will just be there for those of you I deem important to be around. Recently I had made choices that I thought were in the best interest of my family, my future and myself. All those assumptions were wrong. I needed to not see what I was missing to realize that I wasn’t missing anything at all.
I have had the realization that there are special friends who care and who have been my advocates in many forms and function. I have had those who have shown their true colors. And I have seen the difference.
I have made mistakes that have hurt me, but were in the best interest of me. I won’t and can’t do things the same way every time.
And I have shut down. Not like my usual once a year weekly shutdown that occurs after the Radiothon or before my birthday. This was a shutdown of my emotions.
I lost Mugsy, my precious dog. To some of my readers, he was just an animal. But to me, he was my sanity when Angie left me and took the kids. When my grandfather died, my dog knew when I was low and tried to help. When Pat died, he knew my anger. But I never was good enough to him, snapping at him when he would bark or when he would bark at the front door when there was no one there. I was wrong Mugs. There was someone there that night and you tried your damnest to make sure I was safe. I should have checked up on you after you ran out the dog door. You did your job my friend.
I took time to wake up and see a sunrise and see the majesty of a painted masterpiece that I rarely see. I drove outside of town to see the stars. And I saw into my soul.
Now some of you would see this as an attempt to say “Everything is going to be alright.” I already know that.
That’s not what this post is about. This post is about cleaning old things out.
I have been working on removing the crappy old carpet and replacing it. When the chair rail is put up in the next couple of weeks I will put up the pictures of the before and after. But I don’t think that you need to see what’s in the past or in the future.
For the past is the lessons that we have all learned and all will learn. The future is where we walk hand in hand together. Some of us have fallen or taken another path. Some of us will not walk together, our paths have diverged from each other. But the path I am on is a glorious one my friends. I take each step looking forward to the next step.
And that’s what’s different. It’s not who we have elected or who we didn’t, it’s not the price of my 401k from three years ago to now. It’s the path and the walk that has made the difference.
I have made bad judgments on working with people on things that I had no right to involve myself in or get pulled into. I have worked with people that I have tried to overlook flaws that have affected the way I worked with them. I have tried to work with people that I should have passed on because I wanted so bad to make something of my life. I made mistakes.
But I have also have had some incredible successes in the last couple of months.
I put up a ceiling fan by myself without electricuting myself, I helped lay wood flooring down in the kids room and I have painted like I have never painted before. Patrick would be proud.
I have finally completed my emergency fund so I am safe for a month and I am trying to build on it with the $1000 in 30 days challenge. So far I’ve got $175 in the fund and I think I can put more away to hit my goal. I am extremely proud of myself.
I actually had Joanna put the thought into my head of going back to school and finishing my degree part time. The mere thought of getting my degree finally puts a smile on my face and one day, and it may be soon, I might just start down that path again.
I’ve had other successes that I would and could enumerate… but why bother? I have survived the darkness and have seen the light.
I would like to, without a shadow of a doubt, go to Vegas for the December blogger gathering. But I cannot. Work, flights and things out of my control will keep me from attending. My next blogger gathering will be at Okie-Vegas III or is it IV. I can not wait till July to see my friends again.
I still have hopes, dreams and desires of greatness and of miracles.
If you read through all of this, miracle one achieved.
Sean
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