I’m back

Liberty is freedom…

and I’m far from free to talk about the last couple of months but I’m back to try and get the feelings and emotions out.

I had an alternate blog that I put nothing but private posts up and there probably won’t be a day when those see the light of day.

I was stuck, not willing to let anything go, not willing to let anything out, and I was constipated with thought and emotions. Rather than yelling and screaming on here, I’ve decided to hold thing in.

And that’s where I become the most miserable.

I wasn’t in the beginning because most of the stuff I discussed in my blog was discussed with Joanna and I had an outlet. But the longer that I didn’t write, I didn’t feel like I was free.

One of my friend Mookie’s question’s is Do you get a lot of grief for your poker habit?  It isn’t my poker habit, it’s my writing habit.  I’ve been doing a lot of things that haven’t been condusive to writing, I’ve let my feelings get bottled up and in the end, I have shut down.

I’ve played games, tried playing poker, tried writing other stuff, but I’m not sure what I needed to do, so I hid. It’s what I do and Mitchell and my other friends know that I shut down when I don’t know the answer.

And that has hurt my friends and family.

They were worried, and in a dream I had last night, I was brought to a writing intervention.

“You know, ” my dream friend Mitchell says, “you seem happier when you are writing and your friends and family are here to let you know that we won’t let you hide in the excuse of work and video games to try and avoid life.”

“You run around the house kissing me when you get those awe inspiring ideas and those have been gone for awhile,” my dream fiance Joanna cries,”I want my creative (nickname not for public consumption) back.”

Then my friend Marshall knocks down the door. “Dude, you’ve been gone? WTF”

So, I’m back, hurting a little less and hoping that the struggles that I go through are less each day and that my dreams are closer and my love is stronger than it has been before.

sd