I was talking to one of my friends, and for the longest time I thought we hated each other, I really didn’t hate him/her, just was very reactionary in our relationship. We did what good friends do, talk about things that few people talk about.
I asked him/her about fear in life and how to use that playing poker.
His/Her response was one of the most clear thought and incredible responses ever:
“You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.”
Wow, and it’s very true, the bullies in our life are often those who were bullied before they ever met you. So I thought I would give him/her a couple of my friends and see what (s)he said about them. Now I chose the biggest of the well known bloggers and his/her words amazed me. Such vision and why (s)he is becoming a good friend.
What fears do the following people have:
Chad?
“Chad fears lesser players being as successful as him.”
Alcanthang?
“Al fears growing up and responsibility.”
Pauly?
“Pauly fears the words not coming.”
Then I was silent, thinking about the wisdom that I have missed. All of them obvious answers and yet I didn’t see them or chose to ignore them. I just see the successes that my friends have had.
But then I had to ask…
What do I fear ?
“Sean fears not being accepted and the separation of the ones he loves not being around him.”
It just sat there and sank. It sank into the longest and hardest ball in the pit of my stomach. I felt the power transfer to him without him saying another word, then I realized that the power given was only given to him because I let him take it. So I took it back.
In the last 7 months I’ve dealt with that fear. I’ve lost people that I thought were my friends and discovered people that I thought hate me actually admire me. I have nothing to prove to these people. Because I only give them power by acknowledging that they have power over me. Which they do not.
But in the last week I have heard from 5 different people, some friends, some acquaintances, some just people who know me that have lost their jobs, one who is about ready to lose his home. And I don’t fear. My friend Mike asked me why I don’t fear losing my job or anything else right now.
Because I have no control over it. I have to go into work, and in my life trying to be the best in the world. If I fail that nothing else I do will matter. A halfassed action will result in halfassed end. I can only do the things that I feel will help me and my family.
“But Sean, you give more than you take, how can you say that you will only help you or your family?”
Easy mike, I’ve had a vision and the vision was destroyed by people who didn’t share that vision. I changed who I was because of what people thought of my girlfriend and other minor issues. But by changing, I gave them power over me. There are times that I wish I had stood up for me, in the past I have let people walk over me. But in the last couple of years I’ve stood up for me. And because of that I am a stronger man.
Categories: Instant Sean, My thoughts, People I admire, What's on my mind Tags:
This weekend was a joy. Saturday Joanna and I went to help load up over TWO TONS of cans that were raised for the Salvation Army for the work food drive. Three people can move a ton quickly if the cold forces them to do it quick. After that I had to do an live appearance and when it was all settled, Saturday was a wash.
Joanna and I went looking at Christmas lights and had dinner with friends as we helped celebrate my friend Mike’s birthday with a surprise party. It was amazing to see over 30 friends honor my friend Mike.
I think the quiet we had watching Christmas lights was great as carols played over the radio. It was me, my girl and the wonders that can be available for large amounts of money and nightmares of Clark W. Griswald.
I got laundry accomplished and we decided to sleep in on Sunday…
But then I remembered that we were going to go over to Dave and Kathy’s house to watch football. It was “my turn” to make something. It really wasn’t my turn, we rarely keep up with turns, but I decided that it was my turn.
So we got up early and Joanna made some of the best beef stew that I have ever had. We let it cook most of the morning and we turned the burners off and just let it sit while we went to get more stew meat. No matter how much you get, it’s NEVER enough. After browning and adding the secondary stew meat, we let it cook while we did laundry and Joanna finished her paper that needed to get done.
I played some cards online and had not alot of luck having KK being busted by AK and QQ by AK. So when she finished her paper we went and had lunch with the crew watching the end of the Green Bay Packers game. After some excellent beef nachos at the new Caprock Cafe we headed back home to get the stew. We went to Dave and Kathy’s , who had made cornbread, with Tessa making some peach cobbler. HMMMM cobbler.
We watched the Cowgirls LOSE and watched the BCS Show.
What a surprise. The only thing I would love more is if Texas loses to Ohio State, OU loses to Florida and we BEAT Missippi State in the Cotton Bowl. The BIG problem with the Cotton Bowl is that it is at 1P on Friday the 2nd of January. There is NO WAY I’m going to be able to go to the game. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go to the Cotton Bowl and see the Red Raiders win, but work will probably have me working. So shitty break for me.
Joanna and I then went to go see Four Christmases our friend Kerri. 4 Xmas-es stars Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn. There were several scenes where I laughed out loud, especially the “Pull the Goalie” scene and the reaction the two stars had with their 4 xmases with 4 parents. I wouldn’t wish that on my worse enemy. CHICK FLICK. Do not pass go, DO NOT Collect $200… Don’t make your husband or boyfriend go.
What I would have rather seen is…
Now THAT’S a movie. No plot, just kick ass!
So after the movie it was write a blog, and sleep. One hell of a peaceful weekend. Oh and it was Joanna and I’s 4 month dating anniversary. Kinda nice way to spend a weekend with the one I love.
Categories: Instant Happiness, Instant Sean, Misc, What's on my mind Tags: Charity, Joanna Kate, Kerri, Movies
Joanna and I are about ready to head to Dennis Simmons and his wife’s Kristy’s house for Thanksgiving. There will be Air Hockey, Spades, good food and maybe we’ll stay and watch the Texas A&M / UT (Just a small 39-33 Reminder April).
Today I have to tell you that I am so thankful for my family. I don’t get to see them as much as I would like to because of work and a small amount of distance but I talked to everyone (cept Kelly cause she hasn’t talked to me since Tech beat A&M) and I realized how lucky a man I am.
In tough economic client : I have a job.
In times where people are losing their homes : I have mine almost finished remodeling it.
In times of hunger around the world: I have plenty to eat.
In times where people can’t afford transportation : I have a car
There are people without those who care : I am loved.
I consider myself a lucky man…
Thank You.
Tuesday night I went to United Supermarkets to renew my car registration. It’s easier for me to get to because I rarely have time during the week to get to the DMV to get it done. United is the place to skip the long lines with weird people and just get registration renewals done EASY!
So, there wasn’t a line and I was SOOO Excited. In an out EASY RIGHT?
WRONG!
First the “MANAGER” couldn’t remember his access code to the DMV, so he had to ask one of his bosses to login.
TICK TICK TICK…
Finally he starts to process the renewal and my luck there is a line of people behind me, and I’M holding up the line because the renewal is taking a bit.
So I have the check, pre-made out for the exact amount of the renewal with a $5 bill in my hand to pay the service charge of a dollar.
“That will be $91.40 sir,” the Manager said to me.
“Um my registration is only supposed to be $70.80 sir,” I said wondering what charges he had put on there.
“Don’t you want the ficus sir?”
“What Ficus?” I started to look around seeing if there was a ficus plant somewhere near me. “I don’t want a ficus. I’m not paying for a ficus,” I said as I started to get annoyed.
A woman in line behind me said, “Well , you shouldn’t get the ficus if you don’t pay for it.”
“Look Mamm, I don’t want the ficus, I am bad with plants I have killed Ficus, or Fici in the past. I don’t want a Ficus,” I said getting even more annoyed.
“So you don’t want the Ficus sir, ” the Manager said to me.
“I’m not paying for a ficus that I don’t want sir.”
“Then don’t buy the ficus,” the lady behind me crows.
“Please, let me handle this mamm,” I said as I turned to the manager. “One Renewal, no Ficus.”
15 MINUTES later , I leave with registration renewal and the desire to eliminate FICI from the United Database.
Categories: Instant Comedy, Instant Happiness, Instant Sean, SYCMU, What's on my mind Tags: Ficus, Thanksgiving
My to be done list is down from a monthly high of 142 to 38 this evening and I feel like I’ve made some significant progress at work.
I’m trying to get home to spend some time on writing when I get a call from Blake. I get called to a poker game. To hear what happened there, go visit http://www.InstantTragedy.com but as I stop home I see a letter from St. Joseph School in Indiana, where Shelby and Ryan go to school in the mailbox.
I am tentative whenever I get letters from the school because I want to be closer to the kids so if there are problems I can help take care of them. But I had a good feeling about this letter.
Dear Mr Donahue,
Congratulations, you have just won $50 through the 2008 Calendar Fund Raiser for Nov 26th. Many thanks for your support of St. Joseph Catholic School. May you have continued good luck in future drawings!
Heidi Imberi
SJCS Principal
Yup, remember 28 days into January I won $50 with my first calendar win. So I am +$75 in 2008 with calendar. Hell yes I am buying one for 2009. It has cute pictures of the kids in them and I am still $50 in the Black with the calendar.
I guess helping friends and family this last month has caught up to me Karmically.
I haven’t been sleeping much but I think once the book is over I will be able to sleep better.
I had a call from a former girlfriend (Micah) today who hadn’t read my blog in a long time and found out about the loss of my dog Mugsy. She called to offer her condolences. She is a wonderful woman to call me. Hell, she was teary and she only made sure that dog was SPOILED. Yes, she took him to a doggie salon.
I had the best dog in the world.
By the way Joe, Rule one is still in effect. Do not paint the dog.
Categories: Instant Happiness, What's on my mind Tags:
I’ve been working on a lot of projects this last couple of months…
So lets get you caught up:
I found a wonderful woman, lost her, found her again.
I had issues at work which I can’t mention and have made adjustments to correct the issues.
I haven’t played poker much because I haven’t been home much, lot of work, lot of renovation, lot of Texas Tech Football, lot of don’t care.
I have lost my voice, not only physically but mentally. I used to write because I had something to say, but recently I lost it due to actions in and beyond my control. It took a while for me to find my voice again. Not to succomb to the death of what gave me joy for so long, the ability and the desire to write.
And only have I found peace recently. Peace in my heart and peace in my mind.
I won’t be controlled or manipulated. I will just be there for those of you I deem important to be around. Recently I had made choices that I thought were in the best interest of my family, my future and myself. All those assumptions were wrong. I needed to not see what I was missing to realize that I wasn’t missing anything at all.
I have had the realization that there are special friends who care and who have been my advocates in many forms and function. I have had those who have shown their true colors. And I have seen the difference.
I have made mistakes that have hurt me, but were in the best interest of me. I won’t and can’t do things the same way every time.
And I have shut down. Not like my usual once a year weekly shutdown that occurs after the Radiothon or before my birthday. This was a shutdown of my emotions.
I lost Mugsy, my precious dog. To some of my readers, he was just an animal. But to me, he was my sanity when Angie left me and took the kids. When my grandfather died, my dog knew when I was low and tried to help. When Pat died, he knew my anger. But I never was good enough to him, snapping at him when he would bark or when he would bark at the front door when there was no one there. I was wrong Mugs. There was someone there that night and you tried your damnest to make sure I was safe. I should have checked up on you after you ran out the dog door. You did your job my friend.
I took time to wake up and see a sunrise and see the majesty of a painted masterpiece that I rarely see. I drove outside of town to see the stars. And I saw into my soul.
Now some of you would see this as an attempt to say “Everything is going to be alright.” I already know that.
That’s not what this post is about. This post is about cleaning old things out.
I have been working on removing the crappy old carpet and replacing it. When the chair rail is put up in the next couple of weeks I will put up the pictures of the before and after. But I don’t think that you need to see what’s in the past or in the future.
For the past is the lessons that we have all learned and all will learn. The future is where we walk hand in hand together. Some of us have fallen or taken another path. Some of us will not walk together, our paths have diverged from each other. But the path I am on is a glorious one my friends. I take each step looking forward to the next step.
And that’s what’s different. It’s not who we have elected or who we didn’t, it’s not the price of my 401k from three years ago to now. It’s the path and the walk that has made the difference.
I have made bad judgments on working with people on things that I had no right to involve myself in or get pulled into. I have worked with people that I have tried to overlook flaws that have affected the way I worked with them. I have tried to work with people that I should have passed on because I wanted so bad to make something of my life. I made mistakes.
But I have also have had some incredible successes in the last couple of months.
I put up a ceiling fan by myself without electricuting myself, I helped lay wood flooring down in the kids room and I have painted like I have never painted before. Patrick would be proud.
I have finally completed my emergency fund so I am safe for a month and I am trying to build on it with the $1000 in 30 days challenge. So far I’ve got $175 in the fund and I think I can put more away to hit my goal. I am extremely proud of myself.
I actually had Joanna put the thought into my head of going back to school and finishing my degree part time. The mere thought of getting my degree finally puts a smile on my face and one day, and it may be soon, I might just start down that path again.
I’ve had other successes that I would and could enumerate… but why bother? I have survived the darkness and have seen the light.
I would like to, without a shadow of a doubt, go to Vegas for the December blogger gathering. But I cannot. Work, flights and things out of my control will keep me from attending. My next blogger gathering will be at Okie-Vegas III or is it IV. I can not wait till July to see my friends again.
I still have hopes, dreams and desires of greatness and of miracles.
If you read through all of this, miracle one achieved.
Sean
Categories: Instant Happiness, Instant Sean, Life, Living life to the fullest, My thoughts, What's on my mind Tags: Inspiration, Instant Happiness, What's on my mind
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