Why are the puppies in the car? And why are we sad?

Late Friday night I was called by my family to tell of my grandmother condition.  She’d been put into a hospital for an apparent heart attack. She was in good spirits but the doctors weren’t telling everyone all the details as they were still running tests.

I decided that I would call my parents and we would find a flight that I could come down on after the 4th on Broadway parade.  Normally I would blow off any promotional appearances, but my grandmother who I’d talked to reminded me about how Grandpa felt about making a commitment and keeping it.

So I decided to leave on a 2P flight (one way) and Joanna would leave with the dogs after the parade and meet me in Sherman.

Then the floods unfolded on the 4th on Broadway parade and a normal 2 hour endeavour turned into a 43 min parade as most of the floats cancelled.

So Joanna and I went home and changed clothes, thinking about the 7A call from my mom that I thought was the one that would tell me that I had made a mistake not to come Friday night and that she was gone.

But good fortune smiled upon me as Mom , Dad and the family was on the way up to Sherman and wanted me to make the flight ontime. Since it would have been longer for me to wait for the flight, we cancelled the ticket and I started to drive with Joanna on the way carefully through the rain and water logged roads to DFW.

With each moment Joanna would comfort me and yet I had nothing to say back to her.

When Tara died, I felt cheated. I didn’t get to say goodbye.

When my grandfather died, I felt relieved for he was in an enormous amount of pain, and I didn’t want him to suffer.

When Patrick died, though I was heartbroken, I had talked to him a week before and we told each other how much we missed and loved each other. It was perfect.

So I didn’t know if I was going to be cheated, relieved , heartbroken or a combination of the three.

But as we drove up to the hospital, I felt like the clouds were breaking, and the smile on my grandmothers face was perfect.

“I told you I’d wait for you Sean,” she said as I held her close.

The doctors had found a 5mm aortic aneurysm and were trying to do their best to treat it with drugs.

My heart fell as she only would eat a little when dinner would come. But she made me smile with her excitement to see the wedding photographs that she hadn’t seen yet.

Yesterday was a good day.

As I write this, she is now in ICU struggling and fighting like the tough old bird that she is.

I pray that we have more good days than bad days and that I don’t have to return if something happens.

But as we said goodbye, I kissed her, told her how much I love her and she told me how proud she was of my family and me.

Now, nothing else matters.

Your prayers and well wishes are appreciated all but I have only one prayer for the Big Guy now:

Big Guy, if it is her time, take her into your arms, guide her from pain and let her be met at the pearly gates by my brother, my sister and my grandfather.

If it is not her time, watch over her, give her the strength to recover and finish her work here on earth.

I don’t understand your map Big Guy, I don’t understand your plan, but thanks for letting me have a special moment with her.

Sean

My brain works a thousand miles an hour but when you are directing traffic, everything goes where it needs to be.

My soul has been hurting until you came along and smoothed over the rough and sharp portions of it, tailoring it to what we BOTH needed.

My heart had been lost, without fire or spirit, but with you I have new energy and try to find successes in every path I take.

You are my lover, my friend, my soul mate , friend and guide to my children and the one person I trust implicitly.

I love you now and forever. Though I am far from perfect you see past my flaws and see the true me, the diamond in the rough.

And for that I will always love you my dear.

How much do I love you?

Take a breath, and while you hold it imagine the millions of atoms in that one breath.

My love for you is like the collection of all the atoms in the universe.

Now exhale and remember that my love does not question, it just is.

I love you!

Sean

A simulation of her leg... not this bad YET

Right now Joanna is passed out and I wish there was something I can do for her.  Her bruise is 4″ by 8 ” and her entire body aches. If the pain in her neck doesn’t stop by Monday we will return to the doctor.

The car is totalled (according to the body shop) and we will get the official word on Monday.

I wish I could take the pain from her.

But all I can do is love her.

Hopefully they will both cash!

GO TEAM!

Because that’s what a good fiance does.

I could give a rats ass about the whole wedding stuff , because I just want the end result.

Me + Joanna = Forever. How we get there doesn’t matter. 

Over this last weekend I heard about our getaway car, being specially rebuilt for this one special day and transported down by our favorite car builder Jeff Kruger. It’s a 1967 Ford Mustang Convertable.

When Joanna saw it, she was in love.  They finally got the transmission working so it would go forward.  For the longest time, it would only go in reverse. I blame not enough crown and too much sweat.

I can’t wait to see the final result.

Joanna and I have sent out the final set of invitations.  Funny story, I sent out an invitation thinking that we had missed it, and got a call from a friend asking why they got two invitations. Yes, Joanna had sent one in the first batch, and the excuse of the wedding came in.

“You got two because we really, really want you there!”

Some of my friends and her friends aren’t going to be able to make it and we both understood. We both knew that because of the timing, people would have plans, and we would be blesses by whoever made it.

In other great news, we’re off to Oklahoma next weekend.  Joanna and I are going to drive up to see Gary Cox, his wife Carrie and the meanest son of a bitch in the state of Oklahoma. ( I know it isn’t true, but I have to help his self esteem.

All we have to do is worry about gas, the Low Limit Grinder is putting us  in the FABulous Okie Vegas Party Facilities in beautiful Fort Cobb lake, then we will be escorted by the MSOBITSOO to Stillwater where he has tickets for us to see his Oklahoma State Cowgirls take on MY Texas Tech Red Raiders.

It should be fun.

And a side note to Gary after yesterday’s bull with the kids…

It’s still business brother.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The music I play every day was dependent on Les Paul. Gone, too young, but a full life he led.

Happy Trails sir.

I’d used to be taken on a path of amazement as he made the stRangers teams in the 80′s interesting to watch.

But recently I’ve noticed the total indifference about an award that I thought Mark should win. The Ford Frick award in broadcasting.  Now some writers have made efforts in the past, Ex 1. , Ex 2. to have a Texas Ranger broadcasting legend be put into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Now before you nay sayers begin, they have members of the Montreal Expos Broadcasters in the HoF!

Why not Mark?

Hello Win Column is still placed on the scoreboard at the end of every Texas Ranger victory.

Why Not Mark?

Please Texas Rangers, do something right, support Mark Holtz in 2009.

Sincerly,

Texas Ranger Fan in Denial.

News!!!

I saw the doc and he painfully removed the 54 staples and replaced them with steri-strips. So we are closer to full recovery.

and finally…

All 18 tumors were found to be …BENIGN!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Daddy,

Is there really a Santa Claus?

and I read him the great New York Sun Editorial …

Dear Editor,

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

115 West Ninety-Fifth Street

 

 

---

  

 

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove?

Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart.

Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus?

Thank God, he lives, and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

 

Yes Ry Ry, there is a Santa Claus!

I asked him/her about fear in life and how to use that playing poker.

His/Her response was one of the most clear thought and incredible responses ever:

“You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.”

Wow, and it’s very true, the bullies in our life are often those who were bullied before they ever met you.  So I thought I would give him/her a couple of my friends and see what (s)he said about them.  Now I chose the biggest of the well known bloggers and his/her words amazed me.  Such vision and why (s)he is becoming a good friend.

What fears do the following people have:

Chad?

“Chad fears lesser players being as successful as him.”

Alcanthang?

“Al fears growing up and responsibility.”

Pauly?

“Pauly fears the words not coming.”

Then I was silent, thinking about the wisdom that I have missed.  All of them obvious answers and yet I didn’t see them or chose to ignore them.  I just see the successes that my friends have had.

But then I had to ask…

What do I fear ?

“Sean fears not being accepted and the separation of the ones he loves not being around him.”

It just sat there and sank.  It sank into the longest and hardest ball in the pit of my stomach.  I felt the power transfer to him without him saying another word, then I realized that the power given was only given to him because I let him take it.  So I took it back.

In the last 7 months I’ve dealt with that fear. I’ve lost people that I thought were my friends and discovered people that I thought hate me actually admire me.  I have nothing to prove to these people. Because I only give them power by acknowledging that they have power over me. Which they do not.

But in the last week I have heard from 5 different people, some friends, some acquaintances, some just people who know me that have lost their jobs, one who is about ready to lose his home.  And I don’t fear.  My friend Mike asked me why I don’t fear losing my job or anything else right now.

Because I have no control over it.  I have to go into work, and in my life trying to be the best in the world.  If I fail that nothing else I do will matter.  A halfassed action will result in halfassed end.  I can only do the things that I feel will help me and my family.

“But Sean, you give more than you take, how can you say that you will only help you or your family?”

Easy mike, I’ve had a vision and the vision was destroyed by people who didn’t share that vision.  I changed who I was because of what people thought of my girlfriend and other minor issues.  But by changing, I gave them power over me.  There are times that I wish I had stood up for me, in the past I have let people walk over me.  But in the last couple of years I’ve stood up for me.  And because of that I am a stronger man.