The last three days have been the closest to hell that one man can experience.

On second thought that is incorrect.  I could still be with my ex-wife. Hah, I still got it.

I’ve had to visit and get turned away from the emergency room twice.  Yup twice, the first time I had planned to go and see the emergency room again, because since they ad put the stitches in, the follow up would be at no charge.  I was going to do anything that was going to keep me from having to pay even more when I had a chance to get it done for free.  So I went up there on Monday night after dropping “HIM” at his hotel room. 

But when I got there I knew there was going to be a challenge.  You see, I’m not patient,especially when I have to wait.  But as I drove up I knew that there would be no room at the inn.

Why and how do you ask did I know that?  Because the entire waiting area was full and they had broken into the “pull up the folding chairs from storage mode.”  Not going to be my night.  The stitches were bothering me and I wanted to get them out before they would get infected. 

So Tuesday night I tried again.  I thought I had a better shot but after an hour of waiting I couldn’t wait any more.  I was too tired and had to wake up at six thirty to pick up the vice president.

What vice president?  Why, “HIM” the big boss is in town. 

I’ve had a ton of things on my mind lately.  I’ve been thinking about choices that I have made and the ones that I have needed to make in the future.

But there was no time or writing, reading, thinking, for when the boss is in town, it’s Boss Distraction Mode.  I’m the most dependable guy at the station for me to keep my boss busy.  Keep him talking and entertain him and leave my immediate bosses to glory. 

They deserve the time away from the VP, while I am still “earning my wings”.  One day I will have a subordinate that I can dispatch to take ‘the heat’ while I am with my family.

So I entertained the boss and had him buy dinner at the local bosses favorite steakhouse.  Why not?  To the workers sometimes go the spoils.

I entertained him and got a lot accomplished for my station.  I even stirred it up in the local community.

Recently the City of Lubbock decided not to allow the Texas Tech Club Hockey team to use the Lubbock Municipal Coliseum anymore because in the “new administration’s” thought that they would rather keep the place dark than to actually have entertainment including Club hockey, family skating night etc.  The city ran a $3,800 loss from the last year of operation.

The city decided in a 5-2 decision to not accept a new contract for Texas Tech Club Team to play, and to turn the ice off.  Yup, they were cold hearted and decided to quit as the team was about ready to start their 2008-2009 season.  Oh, and I might have forgotten to mention that the Big 12 Championships for Ice Hockey was supposed to be held in Lubbock.

I didn’t like what I was hearing.  After limited consultation with others, I put a plan in motion.

“Save Tech Hockey: Call the Lubbock City Council NOW”.  It was a call to action, I called out all the councilman who voted against the plan and asked them if we raised the $3,800 shortfall could we please have hockey.

Two councilpeople called me back and I interviewed them.

The other 5, well um, I think I won’t be expecting Christmas cards from them.

It was so huge that we got local TV exposure on Newschannel 11. And the VP was happy.  I got exposure during a crucial part of the year and made the station look like a hero.

Mission accomplished.

But then, as I was celebrating victory in my mind, my foot started to ache.  An unhealthy ache.

Yup, the toe was infected and it was WAY to late for me to get anything done on it yesterday.

The plan was to hand off the boss to others so I could sneak off to at best the ER so the foot could get looked at or at worst my family doc, who would charge me, snip and shoot me up with meds.

Oh, did I mention I was doing all this without pain meds the last week?

Forgot to mention that huh?  Well the pain meds I was on made me completely goofy and caused me to have nice little memory blackouts.  I wasn’t willing to have the blackouts in exchange for the cessation of pain, so I just went with the pain.

SO… I finally got a friend who beat me up without mercy the other night when she saw my foot in stitches. “Why did you go to the emergency room?  All you had to do is call me up and I would have had my husband the ER nurse fix you right up!”

Well hell.  So tonight she hooked me up with his number and tomorrow night he is going to snip and anti-biotic me up.

So BOoooooooooooooooom!

I’ve been reading all the trip reports from the Bash with Alcanthang, Evy, Bam-Bam and friends most excellent time.  I am intrigued by some of the stories by The Wife, Doc Chako and the missing glasses from Kat.  Take it from someone who almost lost their glasses in Oklahoma at Okie-Vegas.  I can feel the panic that she had.

I really wish I could have been there. It would have been a blast, but my priority is to get the kids bedroom finished up this weekend and at least make a good start on the bathroom.  I’m not kidding myself when I try and say it will be all done when Liam and Ally make their appearance for the Nebraska game on the 11th.  I was set back a week with my little foot injury and I hope that I can make the house presentable for them when they do arrive.

(This evening Joanna asked me if I had been thinking of Patrick when I wrote the above paragraph.  I had put Pat and Ally instead of Liam and Ally.  Sorry Liam, I had our brother on my mind.)

My kids are so excited that their room is painted and has new floors and Ryan told me today that he wants to have a “racecar poster” on his side of the room.  Shelby has asked that we paint flowers on her side of the room.

Me I’d be happy if the room was totally finished.

Joanna and I traded taking care of each other this week.  She took care of me on Saturday, Sunday and Monday and I’ve taken care of her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  Hopefully we will be done with this crap by Friday so we can REALLY focus on the house.

I’ve been hiding, unintentionally, from my blog and from my poker playing brethren.  It was not an oversight I wanted to make.  Hell, I have two Heroes and a Chuck episode to catch up on.  I’ve been behind in life.

But I think that sometimes the choices you make, may hurt people in the short term, but may be the best choices fro you in the long term.

This recent break, due to illness and work has caused me to reevaluate what’s important in my life.

And when I told Joanna to “Honey, I love you, but go away, I really need to get some things written down that I have been thinking of.” I wasn’t surprised at all when she told me to “Get it done.”

Because that is our relationship, we both push each other to be better and she knows that when things are bottled up inside me that nothing good will come of it.

Something was bottled up inside me and I had to get out tonight.

It is with great sadness that we have to report the passing of Mailani Martin. Her long and valiant struggle with cancer came to an end Monday night, the 29th. For you new members who did not know her, you missed a wonderful lady. Both she and Nelson were long time officers and friends to our club. Whenever there was work to be done, or somebody needed help, they were there. Nelson, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Mailani, we will miss your smile, that little sparkle in your eye and the way you thought of others first. You leave us in sadness, but so very glad we got to know you. Rest in peace. As you all know, fighting a disease like this is very expensive and can ravage a family. A fund for Nelson and family has been set up by our sponsor AimBank at both Lubbock locations. The funeral will be Friday, Oct. 3rd, at 11:00 am, Agape Funeral Home, 6825 West 19th St., Lubbock

Mailani Martin was a friend of mine who I worked with in the Lubbock Mustang Club and fought cancer and had beat it twice.  The third time was not the charm as she finally left this earth to be with the Big Guy and not to suffer pain anymore.

I got to see Mailani at the supermarket last week.  She had gained weight, because of the medication, and yet I could still see a smile and a fighting spirit.  I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and in my mind when I said goodbye I knew it might be the last time to see her.  We talked about my kids and her not giving up.

And in my mind she did not give up.  Her body was just too hurt to continue. So the Big Guy lifted her worries up and brought her to his caring arms.

When I first met her close to 10 years ago Mailani and I teased and laughed.  Nelson was a saint then as he is now.  Always sitting back as we laughed, joining in at just the right moment to laugh with his wife.

I will miss her a bunch.

And that brings me to the point of my post.  I have let people get the better of me, they have lied to me, they have hurt me, and I have let them.

But to you, and you know who you are.  I know the lies, I know your two faceness.  I have seen the innocent look on your face as you press the knife in my back.

I don’t care.

Yes, that’s right… for karma will take you and punish you in a way that I can’t even seem to imagine.

I had cared what you thought, what you wanted to tell me, and what was “important to you.”

But recently I have determined that the only people I have to matter to is my kids, my family and the one woman in my life.

Everyone else has to earn that care.

I gave care to people who didn’t deserve it and yet did it anyway.  That’s who I am, and I anticipate that no matter how much I say I won’t care, I will.

But in this journey, these last couple of days since my eyes were opened…

I have to care about what I want to say here.  I have to and have written things that will never see the light of day for the people who they are written about have skin so thin that the anger would melt them.  I have written such words of passion and love that will only be shared with my kids , family and Joanna.  Because some things are meant to be treasured by a select few.

And I haven’t been seeing what really matters.

I saw a sunrise this morning and the majesty of it took my breath away.

Then I got news that took my breath away. 

No money crisis, job crisis or life crisis can compare.

A friend of mine who was just 40 is now gone. And I don’t know what life has in store for me.

Maybe it’s playing poker, maybe it’s finishing a novel. 

Maybe it’s just living life.

Love to my family, Luck to my friends, and lollipops to my kids cause I’m always thinking of you.

Sean

I’ve been thinking lately as things have been changing in my life to less tragic, and more amazing about the ride that I have been experiencing.

I’ve been changing my thinking and been keeping the title of this post in my mind.

Stay Strong, Live Brave.

Shelby was so proud of me that I have a girlfriend now. “If you need help talking to her dad, call me and I’ll help you. I am so excited for you.”  Ryan was simpler, “Is she nice daddy,” ‘Yes she is Ryan’ “Ok thats good, here’s sissy.”

And when I told Joanna I finally told the kids, SHE was scared. Because she doesn’t want to be anything but incredibly supportive of my relationship with my kids.  She was relieved to hear that the kids want to meet her.  And so was I.  I was strong, and because of it I took a chance and told my kids where I have NEVER EVER told them about anyone else that I have dated.

You have to be strong for there will be times that you will find yourself on the short side of things. Yesterday a miscommunications on my fault threw me off my game.  I let things cascade. My world started to imploade.

Then Joanna told me that she believed in me. She asked me if I believed in her.

I heard my voice say. I need to “Stay Strong , Live Brave” and we worked out the issue. She stood by me, supporting me as I was weak.  But when the morning came and I got to see her again today, I felt invigorated.  Because I had strength that I didn’t even knew I possessed before. 

And with Joanna, I took a chance, I took a leap of faith, of which there are some people who can not and will not believe in.

I’ve never taken a leap of faith before.

The breeze feels great.

And I’m staying strong and living brave.

And for my friends who have asked me to make a list of things that we never need to do and things we need to do.

Things that we should never do:

1. Take each other for granted.

2. Fall asleep angry.

3. Not listen to the other’s point of view.

Things that we SHOULD do:

1. Meet each others parents (whether we are terrified of doing it or not)

2. Visit Canada (I’m sure we have some friends to meet) as well as many other countries.

3. Enjoy our time together

I first met her at the hotel at which my, at that time, girlfriend worked.  I had no idea who she was, but she was in “MY SEAT” and I wasn’t going to have any little missy give me any lip.

“Hi, nice to meet you, can I sit down next to my girlfriend,” I said with venom hissing out of me.  Who does this woman THINK she is?

“That’s nice, no you can’t sit on the floor,whoever you are,” she said with an equal amount of venom.  We both hissed and marked our territory with her, being my girlfriends best friend.

I had no reason to talk to her as we ended every discussion with a fight.  Meaningless little fights as small as who was the last to spend time with the girlfriend.

One day my girlfriend told me that “her” would rather favor women than to ever see me.  I responded that I would rather knaw my arm off than spend one moment with her.

We didn’t talk again for a year.

Whenever we did it was snarky, rude just venom filled hate. I still don’t remember why we hated each other so much. But we did.

So a couple of weeks ago, as I left a promotional appearance for my job, I was honked at.  I didn’t know who the person was that honked but gave the standard “Hi, thanks for listening wave.”

She sent me a message that said, ” you know, when you see someone that you know in the convenience store, you should say hi…even if you absolutely despise that person…lol…”

I was pissed, I waved, Great, it was HER and I had to respond.  What did she want. We had not talked to each other in over a year and it was the best year of my life. I mean the last time I talked to her I told her ”
Just take the nightstick out and realize that we (The Current Girlfriend at the time and I) think you are great, though we are worried about your desires to handcuff men to your bed. Luv ya, mean it sd”

So I was polite and responded, ” When did I see you? I don’t despise you at all, Call me sd” because I really didn’t despise her, just didn’t understand why she chose to always be nasty to me.

She wrote back, “you’re a dork…and i don’t have your number….lol…i sasw you the other day at the gas station at frankford and 19th.”

And then it all clicked. THE HONKER! Well crap, what did SHE want?

It couldn’t be easy, it had to be difficult, ” better idea…why don’t you call me.”

Games, always had to be games with her.

I called her that night and we talked.

And talked, and talked. Until 4, yes ladies and gentlemen FOUR in the morning.

I found out that she NEVER did hate me, just wanted to be a pain in my ass.

So I had already had gone out on Friday to run some errands after staying late at the house and headed back in from (what I found out later was her side of town) when she texted me. [Come meet us for dinner].  Her friend Megan and her were at Moe’s eating dinner. I wasn’t able to since at this time, I was letting mugsy out of his cage so he could use the restroom and walk around each night.  I had to put him up so the tile guys who were putting down the new floor, wouldn’t have mugsy jumping up and down on them while they tried to work.

So I let Mugsy out, and headed to the date that would change the way I thought about her.

I met her friend Megan and her at the New Buffalo Wild Wings and we watched the opening ceremonies and she and I tried to play trivia without boxes.  I schooled her and we just started to talk.  All of the sudden, Megan excuses herself and she and I are alone. We talked about our hopes, our dreams, our wishes. And then it clicked.

She had to get ready for her two week trip to Philadelphia and Pittsburgh for visiting her best friend and her cousin’s wedding. I wished her luck and walked her to her car. As we got to the front door I tried to hold open the door.  And she walked right past me opening the other door and then she turned back.  I must have had a look of shock or disappointment on my face because the look on her face was priceless. I had kicked her dog, smacked her face and peed in her post toasties. She knew she had screwed up.

When we finally got to her car I gave her a hug, telling her the night was still young. But it wasn’t meant to be. She opened her truck door and got in. I turned to walk to my car and go away, but I had to do something.

I walked up to her and in my mind said ok. Make your stand.

“Honey, if I don’t say this I’m going to hate myself forever. But after talking to you and thinking, I realized one thing. Maybe all this time I was dating the wrong girl.” And I kissed her, tenderly, passionately and it only took a tenth of a second for her to kiss back. It was wonderful. She went home to pack and I went home to crash, but it didn’t happen. That night we talked to 2 in the morning and I had a remote and she had cleaning to finish before she left so I went to bed thinking. “What in the hell did I do tonight?”

The next morning I went to my remote and she called me telling me that we wanted to come and see me before my remote was over. But she never did and as I was leaving for the station she called me asking if I could come see her. I went over to her apartment and as I called for directions (I’m like that, I really need a GPS unit) she laughed and directed me in.  Now Megan was supposed to take her to the airport. But as the clock got closer and closer she got more nervous.

“How about I just take you to the airport hon?” I asked trying to help her out.

“Megan has to get my keys,” she said as she vacuumed nervously. “She has to feed my fish.”

So we waited until we couldn’t wait any longer, I started to help her take her stuff to the car. “You can drive my truck if you want Sean,” she told me.

“Nah, let me use my car,” I said as I started loading things in.  I really don’t drive other people’s vehicles, all I drive is my company car and my car.

As we started to pull out in came Megan and her various assistants. SHE gave the keys up, and I got her to the airport.  As I unloaded the bags I gave her a hug and a kiss on her forehead.  I didn’t try for a kiss on the lips. I wanted to play this slow.

She left and I didn’t think another thing about it, till I got a call from her telling me how much she appreciated me.

We talked on and off all the way her trip to Philly.

Every day the next week, we talked to 2 or 3 in the morning. We explored our friendship with each other and I had to pass several tests, including the “best girlfriend test”, the “friend who is a psychologist test” and the “Talk to my mother test”

I guess I passed.

So I told you that I would be making a small announcement here, so here it goes…

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I planned to hide these next two days but I was given great news about my friend Jeremy Danial Boreing

I now am friends with a film festival winner…

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Today I got a great letter from Bob Coburn, host of the national radio show Rockline.

I’d like to share it with you all.

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One of my friends just wrote me and she is on her FINAL CHEMO TREATMENT! WAHOO!!!!

I’m thinking of you Shaina and I hope that you finally come home. I am praying for you and I know you can do it!

This is great news, hell nothing but a good end to a bad day. I’m going to try this new invention called sleep. Have you heard of it? I think that it’s possible I may need some.

Jim Reeves of the Ft. Worth Star Telegram is probably one of the best sports reporters in the state of Texas. As I was cleaning out clippings from a file of things that touched me, I came across this article. I hope you enjoy it as half as I did and do…

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