People I admire

HELLO WIN COLUMN!

One of my childhood heroes was Mark Holtz.  When I moved down to Texas, one of the many times I did, I was amazed by listening to the both the Mavericks and the Rangers with legend.  He opened every Ranger baseball broadcast with “It’s Baseball time in TEXAS!”

I’d used to be taken on a path of amazement as he made the stRangers teams in the 80′s interesting to watch.

But recently I’ve noticed the total indifference about an award that I thought Mark should win. The Ford Frick award in broadcasting.  Now some writers have made efforts in the past, Ex 1. , Ex 2. to have a Texas Ranger broadcasting legend be put into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Now before you nay sayers begin, they have members of the Montreal Expos Broadcasters in the HoF!

Why not Mark?

Hello Win Column is still placed on the scoreboard at the end of every Texas Ranger victory.

Why Not Mark?

Please Texas Rangers, do something right, support Mark Holtz in 2009.

Sincerly,

Texas Ranger Fan in Denial.

News!!!

I saw the doc and he painfully removed the 54 staples and replaced them with steri-strips. So we are closer to full recovery.

and finally…

All 18 tumors were found to be … Read more…

Watching for Santa

Today we spent the majority of the day watching for santa.  Yes St. Nick was on his yearly ride across the world and Shelby, Ryan and I were watching http://www.noradsanta.org to see the entire adventure.  We watched the great cgi videos and examined different places around the world.  As Santa hit the east coast Ryan came up to me and asked,

Daddy,

Is there really a Santa Claus?

and I read him the great New York Sun Editorial …

Dear Editor,

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

115 West Ninety-Fifth Street

 

 

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Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove?

Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart.

Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus?

Thank God, he lives, and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

 

Yes Ry Ry, there is a Santa Claus!

Fear…

I was talking to one of my friends, and for the longest time I thought we hated each other, I really didn’t hate him/her, just was very reactionary in our relationship.  We did what good friends do, talk about things that few people talk about.

I asked him/her about fear in life and how to use that playing poker.

His/Her response was one of the most clear thought and incredible responses ever:

“You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.”

Wow, and it’s very true, the bullies in our life are often those who were bullied before they ever met you.  So I thought I would give him/her a couple of my friends and see what (s)he said about them.  Now I chose the biggest of the well known bloggers and his/her words amazed me.  Such vision and why (s)he is becoming a good friend.

What fears do the following people have:

Chad?

“Chad fears lesser players being as successful as him.”

Alcanthang?

“Al fears growing up and responsibility.”

Pauly?

“Pauly fears the words not coming.”

Then I was silent, thinking about the wisdom that I have missed.  All of them obvious answers and yet I didn’t see them or chose to ignore them.  I just see the successes that my friends have had.

But then I had to ask…

What do I fear ?

“Sean fears not being accepted and the separation of the ones he loves not being around him.”

It just sat there and sank.  It sank into the longest and hardest ball in the pit of my stomach.  I felt the power transfer to him without him saying another word, then I realized that the power given was only given to him because I let him take it.  So I took it back.

In the last 7 months I’ve dealt with that fear. I’ve lost people that I thought were my friends and discovered people that I thought hate me actually admire me.  I have nothing to prove to these people. Because I only give them power by acknowledging that they have power over me. Which they do not.

But in the last week I have heard from 5 different people, some friends, some acquaintances, some just people who know me that have lost their jobs, one who is about ready to lose his home.  And I don’t fear.  My friend Mike asked me why I don’t fear losing my job or anything else right now.

Because I have no control over it.  I have to go into work, and in my life trying to be the best in the world.  If I fail that nothing else I do will matter.  A halfassed action will result in halfassed end.  I can only do the things that I feel will help me and my family.

“But Sean, you give more than you take, how can you say that you will only help you or your family?”

Easy mike, I’ve had a vision and the vision was destroyed by people who didn’t share that vision.  I changed who I was because of what people thought of my girlfriend and other minor issues.  But by changing, I gave them power over me.  There are times that I wish I had stood up for me, in the past I have let people walk over me.  But in the last couple of years I’ve stood up for me.  And because of that I am a stronger man.

Come around and let me tell you a tale…

The last three days have been the closest to hell that one man can experience.

On second thought that is incorrect.  I could still be with my ex-wife. Hah, I still got it.

I’ve had to visit and get turned away from the emergency room twice.  Yup twice, the first time I had planned to go and see the emergency room again, because since they ad put the stitches in, the follow up would be at no charge.  I was going to do anything that was going to keep me from having to pay even more when I had a chance to get it done for free.  So I went up there on Monday night after dropping “HIM” at his hotel room. 

But when I got there I knew there was going to be a challenge.  You see, I’m not patient,especially when I have to wait.  But as I drove up I knew that there would be no room at the inn.

Why and how do you ask did I know that?  Because the entire waiting area was full and they had broken into the “pull up the folding chairs from storage mode.”  Not going to be my night.  The stitches were bothering me and I wanted to get them out before they would get infected. 

So Tuesday night I tried again.  I thought I had a better shot but after an hour of waiting I couldn’t wait any more.  I was too tired and had to wake up at six thirty to pick up the vice president.

What vice president?  Why, “HIM” the big boss is in town. 

I’ve had a ton of things on my mind lately.  I’ve been thinking about choices that I have made and the ones that I have needed to make in the future.

But there was no time or writing, reading, thinking, for when the boss is in town, it’s Boss Distraction Mode.  I’m the most dependable guy at the station for me to keep my boss busy.  Keep him talking and entertain him and leave my immediate bosses to glory. 

They deserve the time away from the VP, while I am still “earning my wings”.  One day I will have a subordinate that I can dispatch to take ‘the heat’ while I am with my family.

So I entertained the boss and had him buy dinner at the local bosses favorite steakhouse.  Why not?  To the workers sometimes go the spoils.

I entertained him and got a lot accomplished for my station.  I even stirred it up in the local community.

Recently the City of Lubbock decided not to allow the Texas Tech Club Hockey team to use the Lubbock Municipal Coliseum anymore because in the “new administration’s” thought that they would rather keep the place dark than to actually have entertainment including Club hockey, family skating night etc.  The city ran a $3,800 loss from the last year of operation.

The city decided in a 5-2 decision to not accept a new contract for Texas Tech Club Team to play, and to turn the ice off.  Yup, they were cold hearted and decided to quit as the team was about ready to start their 2008-2009 season.  Oh, and I might have forgotten to mention that the Big 12 Championships for Ice Hockey was supposed to be held in Lubbock.

I didn’t like what I was hearing.  After limited consultation with others, I put a plan in motion.

“Save Tech Hockey: Call the Lubbock City Council NOW”.  It was a call to action, I called out all the councilman who voted against the plan and asked them if we raised the $3,800 shortfall could we please have hockey.

Two councilpeople called me back and I interviewed them.

The other 5, well um, I think I won’t be expecting Christmas cards from them.

It was so huge that we got local TV exposure on Newschannel 11. And the VP was happy.  I got exposure during a crucial part of the year and made the station look like a hero.

Mission accomplished.

But then, as I was celebrating victory in my mind, my foot started to ache.  An unhealthy ache.

Yup, the toe was infected and it was WAY to late for me to get anything done on it yesterday.

The plan was to hand off the boss to others so I could sneak off to at best the ER so the foot could get looked at or at worst my family doc, who would charge me, snip and shoot me up with meds.

Oh, did I mention I was doing all this without pain meds the last week?

Forgot to mention that huh?  Well the pain meds I was on made me completely goofy and caused me to have nice little memory blackouts.  I wasn’t willing to have the blackouts in exchange for the cessation of pain, so I just went with the pain.

SO… I finally got a friend who beat me up without mercy the other night when she saw my foot in stitches. “Why did you go to the emergency room?  All you had to do is call me up and I would have had my husband the ER nurse fix you right up!”

Well hell.  So tonight she hooked me up with his number and tomorrow night he is going to snip and anti-biotic me up.

So BOoooooooooooooooom!

I’ve been reading all the trip reports from the Bash with Alcanthang, Evy, Bam-Bam and friends most excellent time.  I am intrigued by some of the stories by The Wife, Doc Chako and the missing glasses from Kat.  Take it from someone who almost lost their glasses in Oklahoma at Okie-Vegas.  I can feel the panic that she had.

I really wish I could have been there. It would have been a blast, but my priority is to get the kids bedroom finished up this weekend and at least make a good start on the bathroom.  I’m not kidding myself when I try and say it will be all done when Liam and Ally make their appearance for the Nebraska game on the 11th.  I was set back a week with my little foot injury and I hope that I can make the house presentable for them when they do arrive.

(This evening Joanna asked me if I had been thinking of Patrick when I wrote the above paragraph.  I had put Pat and Ally instead of Liam and Ally.  Sorry Liam, I had our brother on my mind.)

My kids are so excited that their room is painted and has new floors and Ryan told me today that he wants to have a “racecar poster” on his side of the room.  Shelby has asked that we paint flowers on her side of the room.

Me I’d be happy if the room was totally finished.

Joanna and I traded taking care of each other this week.  She took care of me on Saturday, Sunday and Monday and I’ve taken care of her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  Hopefully we will be done with this crap by Friday so we can REALLY focus on the house.

I’ve been hiding, unintentionally, from my blog and from my poker playing brethren.  It was not an oversight I wanted to make.  Hell, I have two Heroes and a Chuck episode to catch up on.  I’ve been behind in life.

But I think that sometimes the choices you make, may hurt people in the short term, but may be the best choices fro you in the long term.

This recent break, due to illness and work has caused me to reevaluate what’s important in my life.

And when I told Joanna to “Honey, I love you, but go away, I really need to get some things written down that I have been thinking of.” I wasn’t surprised at all when she told me to “Get it done.”

Because that is our relationship, we both push each other to be better and she knows that when things are bottled up inside me that nothing good will come of it.

Something was bottled up inside me and I had to get out tonight.

It is with great sadness that we have to report the passing of Mailani Martin. Her long and valiant struggle with cancer came to an end Monday night, the 29th. For you new members who did not know her, you missed a wonderful lady. Both she and Nelson were long time officers and friends to our club. Whenever there was work to be done, or somebody needed help, they were there. Nelson, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Mailani, we will miss your smile, that little sparkle in your eye and the way you thought of others first. You leave us in sadness, but so very glad we got to know you. Rest in peace. As you all know, fighting a disease like this is very expensive and can ravage a family. A fund for Nelson and family has been set up by our sponsor AimBank at both Lubbock locations. The funeral will be Friday, Oct. 3rd, at 11:00 am, Agape Funeral Home, 6825 West 19th St., Lubbock

Mailani Martin was a friend of mine who I worked with in the Lubbock Mustang Club and fought cancer and had beat it twice.  The third time was not the charm as she finally left this earth to be with the Big Guy and not to suffer pain anymore.

I got to see Mailani at the supermarket last week.  She had gained weight, because of the medication, and yet I could still see a smile and a fighting spirit.  I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and in my mind when I said goodbye I knew it might be the last time to see her.  We talked about my kids and her not giving up.

And in my mind she did not give up.  Her body was just too hurt to continue. So the Big Guy lifted her worries up and brought her to his caring arms.

When I first met her close to 10 years ago Mailani and I teased and laughed.  Nelson was a saint then as he is now.  Always sitting back as we laughed, joining in at just the right moment to laugh with his wife.

I will miss her a bunch.

And that brings me to the point of my post.  I have let people get the better of me, they have lied to me, they have hurt me, and I have let them.

But to you, and you know who you are.  I know the lies, I know your two faceness.  I have seen the innocent look on your face as you press the knife in my back.

I don’t care.

Yes, that’s right… for karma will take you and punish you in a way that I can’t even seem to imagine.

I had cared what you thought, what you wanted to tell me, and what was “important to you.”

But recently I have determined that the only people I have to matter to is my kids, my family and the one woman in my life.

Everyone else has to earn that care.

I gave care to people who didn’t deserve it and yet did it anyway.  That’s who I am, and I anticipate that no matter how much I say I won’t care, I will.

But in this journey, these last couple of days since my eyes were opened…

I have to care about what I want to say here.  I have to and have written things that will never see the light of day for the people who they are written about have skin so thin that the anger would melt them.  I have written such words of passion and love that will only be shared with my kids , family and Joanna.  Because some things are meant to be treasured by a select few.

And I haven’t been seeing what really matters.

I saw a sunrise this morning and the majesty of it took my breath away.

Then I got news that took my breath away. 

No money crisis, job crisis or life crisis can compare.

A friend of mine who was just 40 is now gone. And I don’t know what life has in store for me.

Maybe it’s playing poker, maybe it’s finishing a novel. 

Maybe it’s just living life.

Love to my family, Luck to my friends, and lollipops to my kids cause I’m always thinking of you.

Sean

Stay Strong, Live Brave…

I’ve been thinking lately as things have been changing in my life to less tragic, and more amazing about the ride that I have been experiencing.

I’ve been changing my thinking and been keeping the title of this post in my mind.

Stay Strong, Live Brave.

Shelby was so proud of me that I have a girlfriend now. “If you need help talking to her dad, call me and I’ll help you. I am so excited for you.”  Ryan was simpler, “Is she nice daddy,” ‘Yes she is Ryan’ “Ok thats good, here’s sissy.”

And when I told Joanna I finally told the kids, SHE was scared. Because she doesn’t want to be anything but incredibly supportive of my relationship with my kids.  She was relieved to hear that the kids want to meet her.  And so was I.  I was strong, and because of it I took a chance and told my kids where I have NEVER EVER told them about anyone else that I have dated.

You have to be strong for there will be times that you will find yourself on the short side of things. Yesterday a miscommunications on my fault threw me off my game.  I let things cascade. My world started to imploade.

Then Joanna told me that she believed in me. She asked me if I believed in her.

I heard my voice say. I need to “Stay Strong , Live Brave” and we worked out the issue. She stood by me, supporting me as I was weak.  But when the morning came and I got to see her again today, I felt invigorated.  Because I had strength that I didn’t even knew I possessed before. 

And with Joanna, I took a chance, I took a leap of faith, of which there are some people who can not and will not believe in.

I’ve never taken a leap of faith before.

The breeze feels great.

And I’m staying strong and living brave.

And for my friends who have asked me to make a list of things that we never need to do and things we need to do.

Things that we should never do:

1. Take each other for granted.

2. Fall asleep angry.

3. Not listen to the other’s point of view.

Things that we SHOULD do:

1. Meet each others parents (whether we are terrified of doing it or not)

2. Visit Canada (I’m sure we have some friends to meet) as well as many other countries.

3. Enjoy our time together