There are plenty of people in this world that I know are cheating. Cheating on their wives, jobs, poker etc. But the worst are those who “claim” that they “didn’t read the rules” or that they “just didn’t know”.

They try and find every advantage that they can get so that they can cheat.

And their INCREDIBLE SHOCK at getting caught.

Look, if you feel that you have the intestinal fortitude to cheat, when I point it out and your face turns BRIGHT RED and you point your head to the ground, I KNOW YOU ARE LYING TO ME!

But I am the better man.

Cause I knew your kid wasn’t 8, yet I still let him hunt in the Easter egg hunt, and in the 5,000 eggs, your cretin found the one lucky egg that had the bike in it.

I’m not mad because I couldn’t stop you from lying.

I’m not mad because I can’t make you prove your son was under 8 at the time of the Easter Egg hunt.

What I can be mad about is the thousand other kids who were between 6 and 8 that were denied a bike because of your greed.

I can be mad that you took advantage of the system.

And now that I told you how much of a sob you are, here is your son’s new bike.

He’s too big for it anyway?

How about that for irony?

You lose, I WIN!

Look , if I can see in the Carfax report that it has been a “leased car from El Paso” and I can smell the faint smell of Mary Jane… I’m not going to be busted driving out the lot with it.

I don’t believe you when you say that the small spider web of glass that you tried to hide underneath a well placed visor was “fixed”.

I don’t believe you when you tell me that you want to be my friend.

I don’t care if you say that you served in Desert Storm, or help with your daughter’s Girl Scout troop.

I don’t care if you’ve listened to me on the radio for years and are my biggest fan.

I don’t care if that the “Boss” says that you have $15K in it when I knew you bought it from a car auction in Albequerque.  I’m not paying $21,700 when the value of the car is $16,900.

I don’t care if “it’s an error on the sticker” if something that you advertise is not in the car.

I don’t care if “I can get you a deal on some tires at (a local retailer) ” but won’t drop the price of the car even though the tires have chunks missing out of them.

I don’t care if you will let me take the car over the weekend but after talking to your boss require me to pay for gas to even leave the parking lot.

I won’t buy from you and in the end, the person I do buy from will have my loyalty.

People who screw me, lie to me and try to cheat me…(Ask me to tell you about the time he promised to have some things from the previous owner removed before we bought the house and we found them hid behind duct work.)

Will never get my business EVER.

And I will continue to tell my friends about the people who have hosed me!

I’ll talk about Divorce lawyers NEXT!

UPDATE : Joanna’s X-ray’s came back negative and all she has now is some deep tissue bruising.

The rest of the story: Normally on days when she has school she takes my 2007 Ford Fusion because on the 30 mile hikes it is better on the gas mileage.

But today instead of taking it , she took her truck.  I had been joking around that I was getting used to driving a truck around, that even the bosses noticed.

She was T-boned by a 1/2 ton truck.  If she had been in my car, God only know what would have happened.

I just thank the Lord that she is alright and is resting at home in bed.

As for everything else, I’m going to let insurance and if necessary, the lawyers handle it.

I have seen the darkness and I have stared into the empty soul and depression that it has. I have laughed in its face and heard an evil laugh returning to me.

But I could not look at the evil without seeing in it, a piece of me. All of my failures and yet I also saw the successes behind those failures.

What do they have to do with now?

Absolutely nothing…

that I can say.

In the days before the darkest times in humanity there have been souls burdened with things that they could not explain nor say.  It was their load to bear.

I’ve hidden from most and changed in ways I like, and in ways I loathe.

I look at the evil and yet in the mirror, the evil is me.

I have to face the pain and move into something great. Most of the great ones have failed. I have failed for I have not yet lived.  I have worried myself sick, and done things that were to protect me, and yet I have not experience life.

I look to the shephards to my left and to my right and see the glory and pain.  For me to succeed I must take a shot, a chance.

If it goes well, I’ll let you know.

If it doesn’t I will still let you know.

Before I wrote to hide my pain, but now I write for I hunger.  And that hunger hasn’t been fed in a long while.  I am moving away from some things and back to others.

Hopefully, I have chosen correctly.

Ok, I’m going to say it only once.  I have lipomas in me.  Its how I carry my fat.  Ten years ago I had one removed and it was found to be benign. Before Christmas I had a massage because of the stress of the holidays and work.  I had an unsually large amount of stress in my back.  When the therapist was relieving the stress in my back she noticed a twinkee sized lipoma on my left size near my ribs subcutaneously.

“You should have that checked out,” she told me.

So I did, first thing when I returned from vacation was go to the doctor, and he examined me.

“Didn’t we have one of  these removed?” the doc asked me as he checked my records.

“Yes, ten years ago,” I said not really worried cause he said then not to worry about them.

“Well, I used to not be worried about these lipomas, but last year I saw a woman who had lipomas just like you.  We had them removed because they were causing her pain and one of them was cancerous.  I learned from her to take these seriously because she died after a 6 month painful battle. I want to send you have a surgical consultation,” that was said to me as he prescribed the usualy antibiotics for my sinus infection.

I haven’t been sleeping well since that pronouncement.

Yesterday I went to go see the surgeon.  And he was amazed by the number of these lipomas I have.  BUT he wasn’t concerned about the stomach or the back.  He was more concerned about a mass of these lipomas on my upper right arm.  He addressed a umbilical hernia that I had and said that all could be fixed in an outpatient treatment.

“We should schedule it this week,” he said.

There was no option, no delay.

But after examining me he wanted me to have my gall bladder checked.  So this morning I went had blood work done, as well as an ekg.  Nothing funnier to a radiologist tech than asking “Mamm, is my baby going to make it?” while she is looking at the screen.

She tried not to laugh but failed.

After research and the great consultation by Doc Chako, I have nothing to worry about. They are nothing, I have nothing to worry about and I will be back at work on Monday.

Mom and Dad are coming up to make sure I am ok after the surgery and also to probably throw stuff away in my house.

If Doc Chako isn’t worried, then I’m not worried.

I just didn’t want to tell everything until I knew more than what I did the last couple of days.  And Marshall, I’m still expecting my money.

I see an almost empty parking lot that dreams of being full on a Texas Tech football game day. The smells of grilling meat, stale beer and anticipation hanging in the air. The sounds of rowdy Tech fans laughing and debating which player is going to be the star of the game. The sights of various tailgate parties with big screen TVs hooked up to a random satellite dish in the back of someone’s truck. Young children dressed in their favorite player’s jersey (custom made to fit a 4 year old aspiring quarterback) or the newest size 6 fashion in Tech cheerleader uniforms. College students dressed in what they feel is the most impressive piece of Tech gear they own. (and ladies, not all of us look attractive in the flour sack dress with the cowboy or UGG boots!) The parents and grandparents running herd on all of the kids, and drunk college students. Every person brought together for a common goal, to see Tech GO, FIGHT, WIN!!! And after the game, when all of the vehicles have left until the next game, the parking lot looks a bit bare. Like all of the life has been removed, but just so it could rest. But it still has the dream, as the leftover trash blows in the West Texas wind, that the next football game could be the one.

I see a field that has just been harvested. The crops have been cut and stored or shipped off. The field will now be plowed under to allow it to rest for the winter. Like everything else in life, it too needs a rest. Until the last frost, when it will begin to grow once more.

I see the West Texas sky, though dark at this very moment, held a beautiful sunset a few hours ago. The sun set in a sky which held hues of red, gold and orange, like fall leaves. It reminded me that no matter what happens in the day, ‘this too shall pass’, like the sunset. The night sky, which I love in Lubbock, far surpasses almost anywhere else I have ever lived. My parents have the advantage of living outside of town, and even though I can see the Milky Way from their house, it’s just not the same as the stars in West Texas. We can drive out 10 miles in almost any direction and face away from town and see all the stars we want.

These are just a few of the reasons that I really do LOVE Lubbock. It hasn’t always been my favorite place on Earth, and that has to do with the things that I didn’t mention, such as the allergies, but over the last 3 year, it has been really good to me. I have made friends here that will last me a lifetime. I know that no matter where we are in the world, as long as there’s a phone, I have my friends right there with me.

Lubbock wasn’t my “number one” choice for ‘life after graduation’, it was my number two. It was that, long before I realized that my reason for moving back to Austin had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to go back to Austin, just that I had no reason to stay in Lubbock. There were no ties for me to stay in a great place, where I have been happy.

All but one of my friends had left the area, and I didn’t feel like I wanted to go to the ‘trouble’ of making new ones. Then I realized that I wouldn’t be happy here for the 9 months that I was going to be here ‘by myself’ if I didn’t at least make the effort to find a friend or two. My one friend from what we refer to as the ‘past’ tried to get me involved in Junior League and Young Professionals of Lubbock, and my excuse was ‘I’m leaving in December”. That’s been the excuse for as long as I can remember.

Enter Sean. Through him I have made at least 3 new friends in the last 3 weeks. And guess what, I already consider them good friends. They accepted me for who and what I am, and for that I am grateful. It will make staying in Lubbock even better.

I got even better news last week! Another friend  of mine is moving back to Lubbock, and one more might come back too!

So, all in all, even though staying in Lubbock had become my back-up plan…I think it was probably always my original plan. I had already looked into a job, which I got good news about yesterday.(yes, they are still hiring, and I should go ahead and apply, since I will be a Tech graduate, they will probably hold a job open for me to start after I graduate. And if I get my commission reactivated before I get hired, there are positions open at the airport immediately…can we say off at 2200?!) I had looked into buying a house, but now, I can be an answer to a friend’s prayer and help her with rent. (instead of paying $1000 a month in rent alone!) As far as my family is concerned, back when I had talked of the possibility of staying in LBK, my dad did a little research on returning to Lubbock when they retire. (My parents went to Tech, back in the day.) So, to all the nay-sayers, I will tell you a secret…I plan on staying in LUBBOCK!!!  =)

GULP.

Then the following weekend I get to meet her dad.  She says “it won’t be that bad, my god I’m scared of your parents.”

Wow, mutually destructive thoughts. 

Well since I am going to be unable to visit with Kerri this weekend, I guess we will see an old friend.  Jeff Strahan is going to be playing at the Spoon and I haven’t missed a Friday Night Show yet.

Why start now?

Laundry and breakfast for “The Deputy” then we will go tailgate at the game. PLEASE TECH WIN!

I’ve self censored myself on some topics that I would have covered in the past with people who have been my sunshine and been HUGE DISAPPOINTMENTS.  But it serves nothing to air out all my fun.  I think that the last month has tempered me.

There is a difference is what SHOULD be said. And what I NEED to say.

And that’s the difference between Tragedy and Happiness.

Stay Strong, Live Brave!

Have a great one, and I’ll check in later.

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