Some people dream of a million dollars,

some people dream of divorcing their cheating spouse.

I have a dream of being able to make some of the gatherings of my friends that I have missed.

But my friend Waffles has a dream.

Of an apartment… (more…)

2010, a year fresh in our minds with anticipation of greater things.

But then I received two SEPARATE e-mails yesterday that had the following chilling similar words…

Tech is monitoring this stuff and I understand there will be consequences for businesses that hammered the University. I don’t want you to needlessly get caught in the cross-fire on this.

and then…

Tech is monitoring your work and your recent facebook posts.  I understand there will be consequences for businesses/people that WRONGLY went against the University. Sean , please don’t get caught up on this.

Are you freaking kidding me?

One is from a friend who is behind the scenes at the university, the other is from someone who was shut up from the university.

I am saddened to think that such low, mafia style actions of threats and innuendo are taking place in this world today especially from a public university.

But I’ve seen the actions of this University before.

Case 1 : I was advised poorly and quickly and wasn’t given an opportunity to graduate as fast as I could from the university.

The end result : Yes, I didn’t get the grades I needed to pass certain classes.  Yes, I worked overnights which slowly caused my self destruction from the university. However, when I was gaining more practical knowledge from actually doing the work I was supposed to be trained for than at Tech. I left Tech after I was told that they didn’t and wouldn’t ever offer my classes at any other time (so like nights so I could take and graduate) since it was a dying profession.  I decided that even though I wouldn’t graduate from Tech I would give them my dedication because I believed in the teams and coaches.

Case 2:  When one of my most favorite mentors and friends Dr. Clive Kinghorn decided to retire, I encouraged my bosses to go to the university to offer to help with the campus radio station, offering training and a path to real world jobs.

The end result: Tech said that they had “people” that would HELP the students.  They turned us away with prejudice.  And years later they closed down the campus station, handing it over to someone who wanted a Jazz station in the first place. Remember Derrick,  you were an production intern to me at KTXT.  You told me your dream of having a Jazz station in Lubbock.  Years later, you got one.

Case 3:  I watched a good friend of mine get railroaded from the job that he had because he spoke out against the administration.

The end result: No it wasn’t Mike Leach, it was another friend.  But I watched this man who used to be so integral to the area that he was involved with, die away because he spoke out against the administration.  Now he teaches elsewhere… Thank You sir, for the times you let me speak to your class, thank you sir for telling me that I needed to follow my dream because the university would still be here.

I followed my dream.  I have a career and I have survived.

I could tell you about the time Texas Tech tried to get me fired from my job, but my point is made already.

I still wear red and black. I still cheer for the team, but in my one act of defiance, I will not sing the Matador song.

For the line that is : “Strive for honor evermore…” will stick in me as honor is gone.

For those who threaten my career, my family and my name are not honorable at all.

Unconditional love… means never having to take away a picture of your ex-wife from the kids even though you know they don’t sleep with pictures of you when they are home.

I have the kids… 65 hrs 51 min till it is done…

Remember I can’t change the kids in 79 hours. It just doesnt work that way.

sometimes you look it in the face and stare it down.

I have seen the darkness and I have stared into the empty soul and depression that it has. I have laughed in its face and heard an evil laugh returning to me.

But I could not look at the evil without seeing in it, a piece of me. All of my failures and yet I also saw the successes behind those failures.

What do they have to do with now?

Absolutely nothing…

that I can say.

In the days before the darkest times in humanity there have been souls burdened with things that they could not explain nor say.  It was their load to bear.

I’ve hidden from most and changed in ways I like, and in ways I loathe.

I look at the evil and yet in the mirror, the evil is me.

I have to face the pain and move into something great. Most of the great ones have failed. I have failed for I have not yet lived.  I have worried myself sick, and done things that were to protect me, and yet I have not experience life.

I look to the shephards to my left and to my right and see the glory and pain.  For me to succeed I must take a shot, a chance.

If it goes well, I’ll let you know.

If it doesn’t I will still let you know.

Before I wrote to hide my pain, but now I write for I hunger.  And that hunger hasn’t been fed in a long while.  I am moving away from some things and back to others.

Hopefully, I have chosen correctly.

NBA president Joel Litvin said, “At the end of the Dallas-Denver game this evening, the officials missed an intentional foul committed by Antoine Wright on Carmelo Anthony, just prior to Anthony’s 3-point basket.”

Boneheads.

National Bonehead and Thug Association.

GG Mavs.

Spilling Poetry was actually born from the ashes of Bone Flower Elegy, another popular local band around the Lubbock music scene. When the bass player for Bone Flower Elegy quit in early 1994, the remaining members — Brian Enderson (vocals, guitar), Lynn Holdridge (drums), and Jamie Sanders (guitar) — joined up with Ryan Muff (bass) and changed their name to Spilling Poetry. The new band quickly set about playing around town and soon recorded their debut album, Invisible, which came out later in the spring of 1994. While Invisible went on to sell out the initial 1,000 copies the band had made, they continued to play regionally and build themselves a strong following over the next two years. By the mid-’90s, Spilling Poetry had become known as the band to see in West Texas and were widely heralded as the ones most likely to break into the big time…Luckily, though the band may have called it quits and their first two releases — Invisible and Microphonic  — have gone out of print, all Spilling Poetry’s previous music is still available on their website in one form or another, and the band has continued to release new songs off their unfinished last album from time to time – Matthias Sheaks, All Music Guide

I actually have a couple copies of Invisible… and I never got a copy of Microphonic.

But I was part of the band.  I was the manager.  I managed them for a year and a half and each moment was a joy.  We split apart, them heading to the future and me heading to the radio career that I still have today.  While the band broke up in 2001 and underwent many changes, I know the four original members.

Brian was the brooding artist.  Lynn was the quiet storm, Ryan was the thinker and Jamie, oh Jamie was my friend.

When the band changed and Jamie and I were out, we formed a talent agency that went nowhere due to the disintegration of the Lubbock music scene. The clubs started to close and the talent all went to Dallas and Austin following their dream.

Jamie and I spent many an evening after the band finished practicing just talking about my frustrations, his get rich quick schemes and relationships , his with Amy and mine with Angie.  There was something nice, sitting in the office of the warehouse as he smoked and we chatted, sometimes until 3 in the morning. It was peaceful, sometimes sitting there watching the cars pass and wonder if we were going to get mugged.  I miss those moments we had together.

I had let him leave to do what he thought was best, moving to Dallas so he could be closer to his ex and his daughter.  I didn’t push when he came in town to meet, but it was on both of our minds.  We needed that chance to blow off steam.  I knew he had flaked out on having lunch when he came in town a couple of times, but hell I had to cancel a couple meetings too.

We knew that we would eventually catch up with each other and reminisce about J. Gilligans in Arlington or the time we were offered crack at the bar in Amarillo.  We had a million stories and we loved telling ‘em again and again.

I even talked about it in a post April 1st 2007:

Jamie Sanders – Ex guitar player for Spilling Poetry, the band I managed when I first moved to Lubbock. Had heard he had gotten divorced and was looking forward to catching up with him, but he disappearred.

And in 2008:

Craig Wharton,
Spilling Poetry,
Jamie Sanders,
Friends I can talk to for hours to on the phone,
Randy Bush,
Mitchell Ivey,and all the moments that I wish I had cherished instead of throwing them away

I’m still thinking of the band gathering before each concert, interlocking their hands and praying coming out with my favorites.

Red ,  Fry and  The All Down Hill

Angie’s Favorite: Stealing Flowers

And in June of 08  I talked with him.  He wasn’t much into talking, just wanted to let me know that he was ok and that we would get together.

But I won’t have that opportunity to catch up anymore. You see Jamie had his own demons and he fought them until Tuesday evening when he passed. I can’t tell you how or why, cause I don’t know the facts just third person knowledge.

He was like my younger brother… and he is now gone.

I found out Thursday afternoon and my heart sank.

I did my show in a trance today and dreaded each tick of the clock as it got closer to the viewing.

I went in, saw Brian, Tiffany, Amy and then I walked a path that I dreaded.

And I saw the coffin. I saw him as he last walked the earth.

But as I walked away, I remembered the Jamie I knew.  I remembered the moments we had and I cried.

Vaya Con Dios Mi Amigo.  We will have that lunch someday. I’ll pick up the check.

I have one site that is not healing and is bleeding.

So, we are going to steri-strip , cover it and if it starts to bleed again, head to the doctor.

“This could be a post-op hematoma so check in with us in the morning” – Nurse.

Back to writing the Sands of Life.

the doc still wants to remove the growths.

Ok, I’m going to say it only once.  I have lipomas in me.  Its how I carry my fat.  Ten years ago I had one removed and it was found to be benign. Before Christmas I had a massage because of the stress of the holidays and work.  I had an unsually large amount of stress in my back.  When the therapist was relieving the stress in my back she noticed a twinkee sized lipoma on my left size near my ribs subcutaneously.

“You should have that checked out,” she told me.

So I did, first thing when I returned from vacation was go to the doctor, and he examined me.

“Didn’t we have one of  these removed?” the doc asked me as he checked my records.

“Yes, ten years ago,” I said not really worried cause he said then not to worry about them.

“Well, I used to not be worried about these lipomas, but last year I saw a woman who had lipomas just like you.  We had them removed because they were causing her pain and one of them was cancerous.  I learned from her to take these seriously because she died after a 6 month painful battle. I want to send you have a surgical consultation,” that was said to me as he prescribed the usualy antibiotics for my sinus infection.

I haven’t been sleeping well since that pronouncement.

Yesterday I went to go see the surgeon.  And he was amazed by the number of these lipomas I have.  BUT he wasn’t concerned about the stomach or the back.  He was more concerned about a mass of these lipomas on my upper right arm.  He addressed a umbilical hernia that I had and said that all could be fixed in an outpatient treatment.

“We should schedule it this week,” he said.

There was no option, no delay.

But after examining me he wanted me to have my gall bladder checked.  So this morning I went had blood work done, as well as an ekg.  Nothing funnier to a radiologist tech than asking “Mamm, is my baby going to make it?” while she is looking at the screen.

She tried not to laugh but failed.

After research and the great consultation by Doc Chako, I have nothing to worry about. They are nothing, I have nothing to worry about and I will be back at work on Monday.

Mom and Dad are coming up to make sure I am ok after the surgery and also to probably throw stuff away in my house.

If Doc Chako isn’t worried, then I’m not worried.

I just didn’t want to tell everything until I knew more than what I did the last couple of days.  And Marshall, I’m still expecting my money.

and it will be Friday. Details when I can release them.

Ultrasound tomorrow.