Please respect my rights

This work by Sean A. Donahue is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Life

Work, work, PLAY!

Today was a busy day getting stuff done at work so I didn’t have to do anything on Sunday.  An actual SUNDAY OFF!!!!

Weeeeee!

Joanna and I went to get some software I needed for ’09 and one of my best friends, Mitchell came in from Ralls to see me and Jo.

We spent the afternoon and evening catching up and I can only say that the lessons learned by Joanna include:

Snow Boots, Cow Print=getting laid, and Church Nazi Girlfriends are -EV.

Joanna picked up pizza and we sat watching Real Genius.

The Original Trailer

After that we went to Louie, Louie’s for drinks and a song or two.

Joanna popped in Mamma Mia and LT called me keeping us busy all day long.

Tomorrow we rearrange the kitchen…

Tech didn’t want it…

Yup, I spent most of the day at work, first on air then at a remote during the Texas Tech game.

I wish they could have won the game, but the team had lost its heart, it didn’t want to be there and I feel for all the fans who hoped for a better ending to the season.

I spent most of the evening in bed with a migraine and pains in my back.

I got confirmation Monday that the Surgeon will take a look at me and we will schedule the procedure, no not “THE PROCEDURE” made famous by Pauly and the crew before a big blogger poker tournament.

I still have issues with my voice and it bothers me.  I use my voice for my gig, my livlihood, and not to have it is scary to me.

Joanna woke me up and made me comfort food, mac and cheese and we watched The Shawshank Redemption.  Get busy living my friends, cause you never know when the road ends.

I miss my kids, this last week is the same as all the first weeks after the kids leave, I get down, try and stay busy and yet still get sick.  Gotta figure a way around this shit.

I’m starting the countdown, 70 days till I leave for Ireland.  Yup, my family and I are heading to Ireland for St Patrick’s Day.  I’m going to be doing “research” for “The Castle”.  How can I finish my book that has an Irish castle as a major character without ever being IN an Irish Castle?  I can’t.  So I’m going to go and take a vacation for me, no nothing for nobody else, just me.

Stuck, sick and tired…

Its amazing how much energy these kids have, because no matter what we do, they continue on and on like some energizer bunny.

They are finally asleep.

We went to go see a movie and had dinner at the Outback.

When I got home, I got sick.  Must have been something with the Medium RARE steak I got rather than the Medium WELL steak I wanted.

Now before some of you mention that I should have noticed the difference in the steak before I took the 5 bites and then sent it back…

well, you try to focus on food while you have two kids fighting in a restaraunt.

Now I solved the problem, which was Ryan got a special Outback coloring contest in his menu.  Shelby did not.  So to Shelby’s dispair Ryan teased her about it, which caused Shelby to take the contest form from Ryan.

“It’s ok, I’ll let you color and when you are done I’ll put MY name on it,” was Ryan’s solution. I took Ryan aside and told him the letting someone else do his work was only acceptable if he was to grow up to be a football player (JUST JOKING), and he stomped back to his seat mumbling how I liked Shelby more.

I then went up , got the woman at the front to give me another contest entry and let Ryan color it in.  Shelby turned in her entry to the waiter and she was beaming because “I know I’m going to win, I hope. I’d like to win really I would.”

At the end of the night when I had my steak recooked and brought back by the manager, Ryan was done and he turned in his drawing.

“So mister, is my picture as good as my sissy’s?” Ryan asked.

The manager turned to him and said, “It’s going to be a hard decision to pick between the two of you.”

Shelby asked him, “When will you pick a winner?”

He looked at her and said, “Next week, and I have a feeling that someone at his table might win.”

In my sarcastic mind, it felt like Shelby and Ryan were the only entries, but in my proud daddy mind, it was because they stayed in between the lines.

Between stress from Fredicksburg and Corydon, I brought the kids home and immediately threw up.

That rare steak just didn’t agree with me.

I’m feeling better and going to crash.

After I take a couple of pictures of the kids sleeping. Their cousins are sleeping over.

Very +EV evening beside the illness.

I wish I understood…

why people ask for me to do things and I say yes, but when I ask them to do something for me they don’t?

Why do I feel that I am being taken advantage of by people who have lesser interests than my own?

Why do I feel so much pressure at work?

Why don’t I just crash?

Change…

I’ve been working on a lot of projects this last couple of months…

So lets get you caught up:

I found a wonderful woman, lost her, found her again.

I had issues at work which I can’t mention and have made adjustments to correct the issues.

I haven’t played poker much because I haven’t been home much, lot of work, lot of renovation, lot of Texas Tech Football, lot of don’t care.

I have lost my voice, not only physically but mentally.  I used to write because I had something to say, but recently I lost it due to actions in and beyond my control.  It took a while for me to find my voice again.  Not to succomb to the death of what gave me joy for so long, the ability and the desire to write.

And only have I found peace recently.  Peace in my heart and peace in my mind.

I won’t be controlled or manipulated.  I will just be there for those of you I deem important to be around.  Recently I had made choices that I thought were in the best interest of my family, my future and myself.  All those assumptions were wrong.  I needed to not see what I was missing to realize that I wasn’t missing anything at all.

I have had the realization that there are special friends who care and who have been my advocates in many forms and function.  I have had those who have shown their true colors.  And I have seen the difference. 

I have made mistakes that have hurt me, but were in the best interest of me.  I won’t and can’t do things the same way every time.

And I have shut down.  Not like my usual once a year weekly shutdown that occurs after the Radiothon or before my birthday.  This was a shutdown of my emotions.

I lost Mugsy, my precious dog.  To some of my readers, he was just an animal.  But to me, he was my sanity when Angie left me and took the kids.  When my grandfather died, my dog knew when I was low and tried to help.  When Pat died, he knew my anger.  But I never was good enough to him, snapping at him when he would bark or when he would bark at the front door when there was no one there.  I was wrong Mugs.  There was someone there that night and you tried your damnest to make sure I was safe.  I should have checked up on you after you ran out the dog door.  You did your job my friend.

I took time to wake up and see a sunrise and see the majesty of a painted masterpiece that I rarely see.  I drove outside of town to see the stars. And I saw into my soul.

Now some of you would see this as an attempt to say “Everything is going to be alright.”  I already know that. 

That’s not what this post is about. This post is about cleaning old things out.

I have been working on removing the crappy old carpet and replacing it.  When the chair rail is put up in the next couple of weeks I will put up the pictures of the before and after.  But I don’t think that you need to see what’s in the past or in the future.

For the past is the lessons that we have all learned and all will learn.  The future is where we walk hand in hand together.  Some of us have fallen or taken another path.  Some of us will not walk together, our paths have diverged from each other. But the path I am on is a glorious one my friends.  I take each step looking forward to the next step.

And that’s what’s different.  It’s not who we have elected or who we didn’t, it’s not the price of my 401k from three years ago to now.  It’s the path and the walk that has made the difference.

I have made bad judgments on working with people on things that I had no right to involve myself in or get pulled into. I have worked with people that I have tried to overlook flaws that have affected the way I worked with them.  I have tried to work with people that I should have passed on because I wanted so bad to make something of my life.  I made mistakes.

But I have also have had some incredible successes in the last couple of months.

I put up a ceiling fan by myself without electricuting myself, I helped lay wood flooring down in the kids room and I have painted like I have never painted before.  Patrick would be proud. 

I have finally completed my emergency fund so I am safe for a month and I am trying to build on it with the $1000 in 30 days challenge.  So far I’ve got $175 in the fund and I think I can put more away to hit my goal.  I am extremely proud of myself.

I actually had Joanna put the thought into my head of going back to school and finishing my degree part time.  The mere thought of getting my degree finally puts a smile on my face and one day, and it may be soon, I might just start down that path again.

I’ve had other successes that I would and could enumerate… but why bother?  I have survived the darkness and have seen the light.

I would like to, without a shadow of a doubt, go to Vegas for the December blogger gathering.  But I cannot.  Work, flights and things out of my control will keep me from attending.  My next blogger gathering will be at Okie-Vegas III or is it IV.  I can not wait till July to see my friends again.

I still have hopes, dreams and desires of greatness and of miracles. 

If you read through all of this, miracle one achieved.

Sean