Friends

It’s on me.

I’ve lost the ability to speak. Not figuratively, but emotionally, mentally. I’m looking to make changes but spinning my wheels. So I took a 3 day weekend off of Facebook and I gleaned some clarity.

I’m not writing enough, I’m not challenging others as I should be challenging me.

I let everyone in, but I don’t have the freedom to say what I need to say. I don’t offend people and I try to be everyone’s friend.

How does that work out for me?

I’ve got things to do and I may tick people off.

But I have to do them for me.

It isn’t easy to say you care about people, but it is much different when you have to do what you speak, if you don’t believe it.

People like me. I’m intense, I get the job done and I may ruffle feathers, but I care about the final outcome.

If you need my help, ask me and I will be there. But you better damn well be there for me,or I’ll never help you ever again.

A former intern came to me asking for a recommendation. She asked for me to put my name, heart, and soul backing her for a position.

I didn’t.

She falsified documents and I was no wiser to it until a background check brought it up.

I could have kept quiet, let her move on with her life.

I didn’t.

Part of me feels terrible about my impact on her current job situation.

Most of me doesn’t give a shit. She lied, tried to get me to back her up.

My name is all I have and I refuse to let it be tarnished.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. This was hers. She lied, I called her out on it and she is now unemployed.

I destroyed her life, some of you may say. No, I didn’t. She did when she lied to me, lied to her teachers, lied to her employers and lies to this day.

I have no sympathy for her.

So while I have been struggling with sleeplessness I discovered that my voice is gone. I don’t have what I used to.

It’s my own damn fault.

I was trained wrongly and by unethical people but the responsibility to accept their teaching was my own.

Now that I know differently, I have to make changes that I KNOW will make a difference and make up for those mistakes that I have made.

Perfect am I? Hell no.

But perfectly satisfied to be better in whatever I choose to do.

That’s on me.

I almost gave up on one kid when it is my responsibility to kick him in the ass. So the asskicking starts this morning.

I’m going to continue to shuffle paper, but try and improve who I am and what I do daily.

I’m going to try and be a better man for my wife and kids.

I’m going to walk into my office with the same pride and joy that I do everyday, but find ways to do the things I love better.

I’m going to try and write more, do things with friends and visit my kids in Indiana.

It’s not going to be easy.

But when has life made it easy for any of us.

I know the following 12-4 Edition

I know in my heart of hearts that it shouldn't limit his RSS and won't now for you RSS Readers (Astin, Wawfuls etc). But I need people to visit the site and comment there, not just on Twitter or Facebook. Well at least until Wawfuls helps me with the blog intergration. Other things that I know: * No matter how hard I try, the garage door will have to be looked at after the first of the year. The stopping in the middle of the way up is annoying as hell! * Big Win for the Red Raiders last night versus Washington. But it means NOTHING unless you follow it up with a win versus TCU on Tuesday. Winning at home is expected. Winning on the road is where you make your RPI look good for the NCAA's.

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The day after losing my mind…

ERROR ! DOES NOT COMPUTE Now I admit last night I got very frustrated because I was working on an accounting issue for someone I love. However my English and her English were not meshing. Because she LEFT SOMETHING OUT! Now the logical part of me is going crazy because she doesn't give me all the facts. It was like this... "How does 2 +1 = 4? Because it doesn't!"

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2 Weddings and a Funeral…

I’ve been working on the house a lot and it’s almost finished. I’m really proud of the work and the handyness that I have discovered in me. Maybe it was latent in me and I just had to do it on my own. Maybe it wasn’t my hands doing the handy stuff.

Maybe it was Patricks.

Never the less, I’ve reached the point of what is done is done, and what can’t be done won’t be. Read more…

I am the Fixer.

Part one of the project done. Part two will be finished in the morning, all ready by Sunday DROP DEAD Deadline. I love it when a plan comes together.

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