Instant Sean

Off to a new adventure…

Tonight is watching the Arenacross bikes/atv’s practice then catch a quick dinner with Joanna and Kristi.

Then off to embarass Erica at her birthday party at Louie, Louie’s.  My personal wish is to make sure her ass is up on stage doing “Joy to the World.” HE HE EHHAHAHA (Evil Grin!)

Then its home and to take a nap before making sure work doesn’t blow up for the time change!

To my friends without jobs, I am thinking of you and praying for you tonight and tomorrow.

For my friends who want to discuss politics I’m scared right now where our country is. I was talking to my friend Kenn Goldblatt and we were discussing where we thought the final dow bottom would be weeks ago.  I said Dow 6900, he said Dow 6000 to Dow 5000.  I wasn’t sure. Read more…

Spilling Tears

Spilling Poetry was actually born from the ashes of Bone Flower Elegy, another popular local band around the Lubbock music scene. When the bass player for Bone Flower Elegy quit in early 1994, the remaining members — Brian Enderson (vocals, guitar), Lynn Holdridge (drums), and Jamie Sanders (guitar) — joined up with Ryan Muff (bass) and changed their name to Spilling Poetry. The new band quickly set about playing around town and soon recorded their debut album, Invisible, which came out later in the spring of 1994. While Invisible went on to sell out the initial 1,000 copies the band had made, they continued to play regionally and build themselves a strong following over the next two years. By the mid-’90s, Spilling Poetry had become known as the band to see in West Texas and were widely heralded as the ones most likely to break into the big time…Luckily, though the band may have called it quits and their first two releases — Invisible and Microphonic  — have gone out of print, all Spilling Poetry’s previous music is still available on their website in one form or another, and the band has continued to release new songs off their unfinished last album from time to time – Matthias Sheaks, All Music Guide

I actually have a couple copies of Invisible… and I never got a copy of Microphonic.

But I was part of the band.  I was the manager.  I managed them for a year and a half and each moment was a joy.  We split apart, them heading to the future and me heading to the radio career that I still have today.  While the band broke up in 2001 and underwent many changes, I know the four original members.

Brian was the brooding artist.  Lynn was the quiet storm, Ryan was the thinker and Jamie, oh Jamie was my friend.

When the band changed and Jamie and I were out, we formed a talent agency that went nowhere due to the disintegration of the Lubbock music scene. The clubs started to close and the talent all went to Dallas and Austin following their dream.

Jamie and I spent many an evening after the band finished practicing just talking about my frustrations, his get rich quick schemes and relationships , his with Amy and mine with Angie.  There was something nice, sitting in the office of the warehouse as he smoked and we chatted, sometimes until 3 in the morning. It was peaceful, sometimes sitting there watching the cars pass and wonder if we were going to get mugged.  I miss those moments we had together.

I had let him leave to do what he thought was best, moving to Dallas so he could be closer to his ex and his daughter.  I didn’t push when he came in town to meet, but it was on both of our minds.  We needed that chance to blow off steam.  I knew he had flaked out on having lunch when he came in town a couple of times, but hell I had to cancel a couple meetings too.

We knew that we would eventually catch up with each other and reminisce about J. Gilligans in Arlington or the time we were offered crack at the bar in Amarillo.  We had a million stories and we loved telling ‘em again and again.

I even talked about it in a post April 1st 2007:

Jamie Sanders – Ex guitar player for Spilling Poetry, the band I managed when I first moved to Lubbock. Had heard he had gotten divorced and was looking forward to catching up with him, but he disappearred.

And in 2008:

Craig Wharton,
Spilling Poetry,
Jamie Sanders,
Friends I can talk to for hours to on the phone,
Randy Bush,
Mitchell Ivey,and all the moments that I wish I had cherished instead of throwing them away

I’m still thinking of the band gathering before each concert, interlocking their hands and praying coming out with my favorites.

Red ,  Fry and  The All Down Hill

Angie’s Favorite: Stealing Flowers

And in June of 08  I talked with him.  He wasn’t much into talking, just wanted to let me know that he was ok and that we would get together.

But I won’t have that opportunity to catch up anymore. You see Jamie had his own demons and he fought them until Tuesday evening when he passed. I can’t tell you how or why, cause I don’t know the facts just third person knowledge.

He was like my younger brother… and he is now gone.

I found out Thursday afternoon and my heart sank.

I did my show in a trance today and dreaded each tick of the clock as it got closer to the viewing.

I went in, saw Brian, Tiffany, Amy and then I walked a path that I dreaded.

And I saw the coffin. I saw him as he last walked the earth.

But as I walked away, I remembered the Jamie I knew.  I remembered the moments we had and I cried.

Vaya Con Dios Mi Amigo.  We will have that lunch someday. I’ll pick up the check.

In a world where everything is perfect…

John was a hearty boy.  He filled out his bib overalls and had a little top over the sides.  He loved to eat.  Every morning , before the sun would rise, John would start with a stack of flapjacks, three eggs, a pound of bacon, a plate of hash browns and a bowl of grits.

Which would satisfy him till noon.

As he normally got finished with his chores he headed into town for his second breakfast at the Cracked Egg Diner.

As he walked in the door the cry went out.

“Maurice, kill a whole pig, lathering em up with sauce and kill 6 baby chickens while you’re at it.”

“Hello Doreen,” he would reply to the woman of his dreams as he sat at the counter.

She would look back at him with her red hair, bloodshot eyes and a body that ten years ago won her beauty pagents.  Now, she was divorced, squirting out two kids that she worked two jobs to support.

“Hello, John anything but the usual?”

“No Mamm not at all,” he said as she brought forth two glasses of whole milk.  He downed one while glaring down her dress.  The “uniform” was not really uniform and no matter how many times she washed that red and white tablecloth looking dress, she could never get the stains out.

“So how’s the crop looking this year” she said while making small talk?

“Well daddy says as long as we gets the rain we need without the hail we’ll be smiling at the end of the year.  But as long as that damned run for the hills Ron don’t be calling up no ‘naders.”

‘Amen to that,’  a couple of men around the bar echoed. ‘We don’t need no hail or ‘naders.

As Doreen went back into the kitchen to pick up some orders a couple of the old men sipping coffee at the front of the diner looked around and then motioned to John.

“When are you going to ask her out John?”

John blushed crimson and put his head down where his third chin hit his chest. He said nothing.

Doreen walked through the doors from the kitchen bringing the pound of bacon and six eggs with gravy on top.

“You eat up hearty son,” she said as she slid another glass of milk in front of him.

“Yes M’amm I will,” John said as he started shovelling down the food.

“And you two busybodies, get back to drinking your coffee.  Mind your own beeswax,” Doreen said as she started cleaning the counter that was clean only minutes ago.

As she started to wipe the counter down in a circular path John’s eye glanced at hers for a moment.  A small smile crept out of the right side of her mouth.

He looked at her as her lean over the counter was more deliberate, more sensual.  He was given a glimpse of what the Lord had given her

And John started to turn red and he collapsed to the floor.

Doreen screamed and Blake came out of the back starting CPR.  Doreen kept screaming as the ambulance came up and followed with John in the vehicle.

What happens next, you’ll never believe…

I’ve been moved to a routine…

Get the “I’m up before you wake up call” from Joanna and I spend the next 30 min listening to her tell me something followed by the …

“Are you listening to me or back asleep?”

My response usually is “zzzzzzzzz.”

I get to work, do my shift meeting up with Joanna for Lunch, followed by more work shenanigans and then dinner get done with house stuff , play some cards or read and then…

Sleep then

repeat.

I’ve been so busy working on other projects that I’ve haven’t gotten all the Ireland reading down that I want and need to do before the trip.

I’m really excited about this weekend because I get to wind down a bit.

Then it’s only a week before I’m in Ireland.

Sometimes its important to remember that you have to go through the sludge to get to the good stuff.

I’ll get there.

Um, a little help please...

I’ve been thinking alot…and I’ve made some mistakes in the past.

And I admit it.

I’ve had some fun, and I admit it.

But the concept of what I am now needs to change.

Some factors of who I am , I enjoy and I will try my best to maintain.

But today , I let the darker side out and just didn’t like what I saw.

I’ve decided that it is almost time for me to get a new puppy.

Not yet, but close.

…

As for Radiothon preparations, I am nowhere where I NEED to be, but this weekend I’ll get there.

I’ve been putting things off, but I’ll get there.

I’ve been lucky to have a good woman who is by me supporting me, encouraging me.

And because of her I’ll get there.

…

I’ve let myself down by trying to make excuses, but I’ve been wrong.  I’ve had my personal defcon set to 4 for too long.  I’ve let people in my life that have hurt me and have taken advantage of my willingness to help.  They’ve taken something I’ve loved and destroyed it. So I’m going to work on this project after I get back from Ireland.

Hopefully when I return, I will have found the will to take back The Castle and finally get it on track to publishing it.

I’ve got to thank my family, Joanna, Rich, Jim, Dusty, and the people who’ve had my back.

…

But since I’m making progress on losing weight, seeing a number on the scale that I haven’t seen since before I got divorced, I’m going to keep going, keep pushing myself.

I know I’m hard on myself, but I have great hopes, dreams and wishes.

That will all come true.

…

I talked to my life coach today and he made recommendations, some will come easy, some will be hard to achieve.  But every little goal I’ve set, I’ve made.

Now it’s time to stop hiding and make those goals that I can only dream of achieving.

…
Every day I talk to Shelby I realize that she is no longer my little girl, the one I palmed in my hand, the one I gave baths in the kitchen sink.  She’s a tween, and asking me questions that I am not qualified to answer and I feel uncomfortable thinking about.

But I miss her.

When Ryan wants to talk to me, which is still few and far between, as he is momma’s boy, he is a motormouth, he just jabbers away.  Then there are other times where he is quiet and withdrawn, with one word answers and crying.

I miss him.

But I am approaching the hardest decision of my life…

and I’m so confused.

I wish I could tell you about what it is about, but I know that the blog is monitored and I just can’t sacrifice my privacy for your input.

…

3 weeks from Ireland and Mom sent me 4 new polo shirts so I “have clean nice things for the trip”. You can watch a boy become a man, but to a mother, he will always be a boy.

I’m scared and yet excited, I check my passport every day. It amazes me that I’ve gone 38 years without even sniffing leaving the USA but now with the passport I think of reasons every day to leave.

I could go visit my friends Mark and Chris in Canada.  I could see the city of London, Rome, I’ll pass on Paris for now.

I just have to step out of my comfort zone.

…

I guess that’s what this post has all been about.

I’m stuck.