What I Know…

It’s on me.

I’ve lost the ability to speak. Not figuratively, but emotionally, mentally. I’m looking to make changes but spinning my wheels. So I took a 3 day weekend off of Facebook and I gleaned some clarity.

I’m not writing enough, I’m not challenging others as I should be challenging me.

I let everyone in, but I don’t have the freedom to say what I need to say. I don’t offend people and I try to be everyone’s friend.

How does that work out for me?

I’ve got things to do and I may tick people off.

But I have to do them for me.

It isn’t easy to say you care about people, but it is much different when you have to do what you speak, if you don’t believe it.

People like me. I’m intense, I get the job done and I may ruffle feathers, but I care about the final outcome.

If you need my help, ask me and I will be there. But you better damn well be there for me,or I’ll never help you ever again.

A former intern came to me asking for a recommendation. She asked for me to put my name, heart, and soul backing her for a position.

I didn’t.

She falsified documents and I was no wiser to it until a background check brought it up.

I could have kept quiet, let her move on with her life.

I didn’t.

Part of me feels terrible about my impact on her current job situation.

Most of me doesn’t give a shit. She lied, tried to get me to back her up.

My name is all I have and I refuse to let it be tarnished.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. This was hers. She lied, I called her out on it and she is now unemployed.

I destroyed her life, some of you may say. No, I didn’t. She did when she lied to me, lied to her teachers, lied to her employers and lies to this day.

I have no sympathy for her.

So while I have been struggling with sleeplessness I discovered that my voice is gone. I don’t have what I used to.

It’s my own damn fault.

I was trained wrongly and by unethical people but the responsibility to accept their teaching was my own.

Now that I know differently, I have to make changes that I KNOW will make a difference and make up for those mistakes that I have made.

Perfect am I? Hell no.

But perfectly satisfied to be better in whatever I choose to do.

That’s on me.

I almost gave up on one kid when it is my responsibility to kick him in the ass. So the asskicking starts this morning.

I’m going to continue to shuffle paper, but try and improve who I am and what I do daily.

I’m going to try and be a better man for my wife and kids.

I’m going to walk into my office with the same pride and joy that I do everyday, but find ways to do the things I love better.

I’m going to try and write more, do things with friends and visit my kids in Indiana.

It’s not going to be easy.

But when has life made it easy for any of us.

BETA

There has been a discussion on a board I’m a member of about BETA products.

I think Beta is an excuse to offer a half done product and fix on the fly.  We don’t demand QUALITY anymore, and companies know that. Why come out with a great finished product if we can toy around with it and re-release in a couple of years and force all the suckers who bought the early release to get the new version.

Just ask Microsoft. They never fixed the bugs in Windows 2, they just created new features and re-released with 3 , then Windows NT then when that flopped ME, which bombed, then Windows XP , Windows Vista and now Windows 7. Portions of Google are still considered BETA.  Instead of fixing what was broken, they added more “features” and increased the price.

My wife and everyone around her has an iPad. Everyone loves the iPad, but then the iPad 2 came out and some of those same people who were so IN LOVE with their iPad, turned around and bought the iPad 2. Guess what? The iPad3 is out. I love Apple, but I haven’t bought an iPad yet.  I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I anticipate a 2014 launch of the iPad4 with MIND BLOWING technology.

Why not spend the money for the newest and greatest in technology now?

Because I remember the BAG PHONE that I used to sell and wanted when I worked at Radio Shack in the early 90′s. I didn’t get it because I couldn’t justify the cost of the phone and service  in exchange what new technology will come out in the term of when I truly NEEDED a cell phone.

Now I have a cell phone, not the Windows Phone, NOT the iPhone, but a nice Android phone. I know that there will be more powerful phones that have and will come out, but this phone serves my needs and is the thing I used to type this entry out.

BETA used to be a testing platform where products are limited to beta testers who would try and break the product, finding issues before it was ever released.

Now beta is an excuse. “Well, you know we are in BETA.”  Not good enough. When you have a product , take pride in its release because if it crashes and some of them will, your pride will not be the only thing that you lose, it is your customers and future customers. You become the punchline to a joke.

In that way, aren’t we all in BETA?

Protected: Joe Paterno and a lesson of hate

In the cage…

Every day I am amazed at the friends that I have but today is not a day for me. Today is a day for all of us. For us to rise up, to be strong for those of us that can't be. For us to stand up, and be guided for those of us who are lost. For us to smile, to laugh, for their are those around us who are weary. We can either take this day and lift a hand for another or we can wonder when no one comes to lift a hand for us.

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Favorite movie quote of the day…

You spoiled little bastard! You’re a man who has everything, haven’t you, but that’s not enough. You feel unloved, Arthur, welcome to the world. Everyone is unloved. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself. And incidentally, I love you.

Just remember that there are people who are out in the world who are in a worse situation than yours before the complaint hits your tongue.