“This is a work of fiction. All the characters in it, are imaginary, from my OWN THOUGHTS and not necessarily represent the views of anyone but my own. Please take any narrow minded opinions about my work and place them in the comments area below. As for anyone who thinks this represents anyone in reality needs to get their head examined.”
“DILLIGAS?” – Inspired by a quote from a friend!
Grade a paper, grade another paper, grade a third paper and yet not one person gets the impact of Abraham Lincoln’s assassination. This is getting tedious. I really need to stop. Maybe if I grade 7th grade math my ears won’t bleed from stupidity.
It never ends. It’s an ongoing battle against iPads and iPods and no matter what I do I can’t get into these kids heads. What I need to do is find a way to break convention without getting suspended. The last time I got suspended just because I made them roll a condom over a banana. It wasn’t my fault that stupid McKenna Richardson protested to the school board because her god wouldn’t want her to ever touch a condom. I failed to stop myself from taking out a picture of Lucy and show her what happened when you are 16 and you don’t use a condom. Stupid brat told her mother that an “unfit mother” was teaching her. So it was my fault she couldn’t handle her science experiment to dissect a frog. Again she brought up god. I wanted to go “hey girl, you know you are going to end up marrying some asshole who is going to be telling you that you are doing the “lord’s work” while he’s shoving his sausage down your throat.”
But I didn’t. I just told her that God made the creature and if she wanted to pass she had to tell me if it was a male or female frog. She guessed wrong, I failed her and here I am , grading papers while waiting for the stupid school board to make a decision if I keep my job.
“Ms. Anders,” a voice cries from down the hall. “The board is waiting for you.” Read more…
Categories: "Quotes", My Writing..., What's on my mind Tags: Board of education, Fiction, Frustration, My thoughts, Quotes, School Board Morons, Story, Teacher, Writing, Writing Challenge
More upcoming pieces of fun : -)
Thank You… am I your bitch?
Loving life, living the dream.
Don’t sweat the petty stuff, Don’t pet the sweaty stuff.
“If your job consists of wearing a giant pizza hat, you’ve probably have made a serious career wrong turn.”
“I’m working your motor, bitch.”
“Somewhere… a janitor is crying” -Sean
“I’m listening to an old drunk guy take a piss one drop at a time.”
“That’s two devil’s and a douche…”
“Look, there is a man with a muskrat on his face…”
“We can show them our gun but we are not giving them the bullet”
“I’m a man I can’t help it”
“Well son, you can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see what fills up first.”
“Between the hailstone and the Tornaders, they must hate us in Oklahoma”
“Awwww, your little drink is soo cute, what are you compensating for?”
“I got wacked by a dumb chick in pink.”
Categories: "Quotes", Instant Comedy Tags: Conversational, My Writing..., Quick, Quotes, Writing Challenge
Brooklyn enjoyed the peace before sunrise. It was hunting season and he sat in his cold duck blind looking at his faithful companion. No, it wasn’t his wife. She was back home getting ready for the season as best she could, looking through catalogs.
Every year Brooklyn took to the lake in southwest Oklahoma and forced her to come to the lake house. Well, forced is a weak explanation. Sara spent most of her time smoking her Virginia Slims and waiting for Brooklyn to come home with the bounty. On the days that he was home early she could hear the laugh in his voice as his hunting friends came through the door with stories and the quick peck on the cheek as he laid the ducks one by one outside on the patio table. Once for pictures and once to start the destruction to dinner. He took such care in preparing his favorite duck egg rolls and fried rice and Sara knew to kept out of his way.
“Good morning honey,” she always say to him.
“What a day, you should have seen Lucky here. I shot one group bout 30 yards out and before they hit the ground he had claimed them and was bringing them back to me,” Brooklyn said as he put a piece of smokeless tobacco in his mouth. He petted his jet black lab and watched as Lucky started his pattern of patrolling the premises before he laid down on his cushion near the door. Brooklyn knew that with the workout that Lucky had this morning he would be passed out before long. Read more…
Categories: "Quotes", My Writing..., What's on my mind Tags: Hunting, My Writing..., Oklahoma, Quotes
It is time for me to start writing again.
A lot of things have happened to me from my accident to my recent illness. But I’ve realized that it is necessary for me to move on.
I’m still not feeling well but after I look at this amazing picture of perspective, everything that I worry about is meaningless.
Are you ready to explore this giant blue marble of my mind again?
Going back to the quote-o-matic (http://www.donahue.org/2011/06/09/which-quote-should-i-write-up-next/) and getting a post ready for you!!
sd
Categories: "Quotes", Instant Sean, My Writing... Tags: My Writing..., What's on my mind
More of the “Quotes” series.
Lisa was in a mood, no matter where she went she projected a vibe of “leave me the hell alone.” It wasn’t her day, she had already locked herself out of her car, lost her drivers license and it wasn’t even 10:30 in the morning.
“How the hell did I lose it,” she said while looking for it through her purse. The checkout clerk had a smirk on her face that her manager quickly wiped off with a stern look.
“Is there a problem miss,” he asked with a smile on his face.
“Good, a manager, there is never one around when you need it,” Lisa started as she looked up at the portly man with the blue polked dotted bow tie and the should’ve been ironed trousers, “She says,” as she motioned to the pimply faced 16 year old male check out clerk,” that I have to have my drivers license to buy a bottle of your finest wine and tampons. Obviously I’m 24, I’ve just misplaced it somewhere this weekend. Now can you help me so I can go home and bleed in peace?”
The manager’s eyes grew wide and his face turned pale, “It’s a state law that you have to show proof of age for alcohol. I can’t bend that rule.”
“Look, (as she examines his name tag) Morris, my boyfriend left me for some hoochie that will put out, with an $500 cable porn bill and enough anger to sink the fucking United States Navy. What would happen if I did this,” she said as she took the bottle of wine and dropped it on the ground.
“Miss, you’ll have to pay for that,” the manager cried as the checkout clerk called for cleanup on checkout b.
“Without an ID? OH YOU WILL BREAK THE LAW IF I BREAK THE DAMN BOTTLE, BUT NOT SO I CAN DRINK IT,” she screamed at the top of her lungs, “Fuckit, here’s a 20 for the wine and the tampons and you can give the change to the girl so she can at least afford a decent bra.”
As the manager protested and stock boys brought out a mop to clean up the mess Lisa passed the sign that was posted near the manager’s stand.
The ONLY F’s at Family Stores are Fun, Friendly and Family.
“Hey Morris, the only 3 F’s in this shithole is this,” as she flipped him off. “You put the 3 F’s in FUCK OFF,” she started to hyperventilate as she walked to her car…
which had a flat.
Her face started to turn crimson and she threw one of her $200 heels at the sky. “Do you want me, then TAKE ME, or leave me the fuck alone.”
An old woman walked up to her and asked her if she needed help as the fire engine heel hit on top of her Nissan Maxima.
“Not unless you know the way to fix a flat tire when your FUCKING ex pawned your spare tire for your birthday present.”
The woman walked away muttering about the youth of this country was going to hell.
After finding her phone in her purse of despair, she called the one person that she could trust in this situation. The only person that could help her find a way out.
“Hello… Daddy,” she sobbed and started to make noises that only dachshunds and small children could understand.
She kept talking and talking until she heard the beep of the voice mail hanging up on her.
“Did you hang up Daddy, why did you hang up?”
Then Lisa, a well adjusted twenty four year old woman, with a flat tire, one heel and a box of tampons in her hand did the only thing that was logical at the time.
She walked home.
Every step was a reminder of why he life was so pitiful. She was an assistant to someone who took her ideas and then took the credit for them and when her idea didn’t pan out, she fired Lisa. Her ex was a tool and obviously Dad was off banging the nanny. Her mom left her when she was eight when she decided that her dad wasn’t the man that she wanted and Paulo, the pool boy was. Her best friend Annie, was a fool that would talk to her only when she needed something and was never there when she called, like the fourteen times that she tried to call in between the Family Store and home.
She walked the mile in one heel and finally reached her apartment door. All she could see was her bed and the note he left.
Dearest Lisa,
There comes a time in man’s life where he makes a decision on what he wants to be in life, who he wants to live the rest of his life with a woman of his dreams.
Unfortunately, you’re not it.
You’re too bitchy, too demanding and too neat.
I want to be able to leave a pair of my comfortable boxers on the bed when I get home so I can change and relax. However you seem to feel that the laundry is the best place for them. I don’t care what kinda stains you think they have, they’re my favorite.
I want to be able to go out with my friends and look at another pair of tits knowing that I will come home to your knockers. But, you’ve gained weight, you look like a refrigerator with legs, the gas you pass make mustard gas seem tolerable and you don’t dress sexy anymore.
You spend more time in your life bitching and complaining about what I have to do to fix MY life, without fixing YOURS FIRST. No, I don’t care about your mom, your dad, your sister and your half sister. I cared for all of them for you.
It’s time to rip off the bandage.
Get your life straight or end up as an angry cat lady. I’ll send your things from my apartment with Annie. Thanks for introducing us.
Hope you find a new attitude and life, because I really don’t know how I stood dating you for three years.
And by the way, I really thought your sister was a cunt to you. I hope that makes you feel better. I ADMIT IT!
Ian
All Lisa could do was cry. “I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a new world.”
Walking to the closet she opened up a suitcase that had dust from the Clinton administration on it, opened it up , grabbed her favorite stuffed bunny from inside. Throwing the suitcase to the floor of the closet, she crawled up into her bed, and went to sleep.
When Lisa came to it was dark outside.
Really dark.
As she looked around she realized she fell asleep at her desk at her office. Yeah, her office. She was the boss and it was a dream.
Lisa yawned and started to work on the Roberts presentation. It had to be perfect in the morning. She’ll just take stupid Annie’s idea and tweak it here and there and she’ll get the promotion that Cecil promised her. All it will take will be the red silk chemise with the cream skirt and they will be eating out of her hand.
A change here and a change there. Fix that error and correct that spelling. Too bad Annie was too stupid to realize that her idea would make the company and in turn her millions.
Shawn the janitor walked by pushing the vacuum.
“Working late tonight Ms. Sinde.”
“Yes, Shawn, working too late I guess. How are you doing ?”
“Loving life, living the dream,” he said as he started to vacuum the floor.
“Living the dream,” Lisa said as the noise from an alarm went off.
She awoke this time holding a stuffed bunny in one hand and the letter from Ian in the other.
It was still dark and she thought everything was o k. She’d find a new boyfriend, a new job, she’d turn her life back around. It didn’t matter that the country was in one of the worst recessions ever, Lisa was a fighter. She’d get what she deserved.
(Six months later)
“Now Lisa, when presented with someone who wants to buy liquor you have to see id before they are allowed to purchase it,” Andy the seventeen year old assistant manager told her. He still had the pimples.
“Remember, Fun, Friendly and Family,” Andy said with a smile!
Categories: My Writing... Tags: Conversational, My Writing…, Quick, Quotes, Writing Challenge
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