Can you please explain why my wife leaving me & taking the kids 1100 miles away so my kids “don’t know me” is my fault?
Can you please explain how my 14 year old daughter can say words like “I love you, but since I’m here in Indiana & I never get to see you so I really don’t know you” hurts any less?
Can you please explain how having a career and a job that paid the bills was the wrong move?
Should I have dropped everything & moved to Indiana, knowing that I would be miserable?
Can you explain why it feels like I have no emotion left?
Can you tell me that my kids will always love me?
I know that being 14 and 11 that my kids are going through a roller coaster of hormones and feelings.
But I want my daughter & son back.
I want them laughing & fighting, arguing & teasing, smiling & sleeping. I want the good times , the bad times, everything.
Most of all I want them to call me Dad not their step dad Brandon.
I thought I couldn’t get any lower.
I was wrong.
I’ve lost the ability to speak. Not figuratively, but emotionally, mentally. I’m looking to make changes but spinning my wheels. So I took a 3 day weekend off of Facebook and I gleaned some clarity.
I’m not writing enough, I’m not challenging others as I should be challenging me.
I let everyone in, but I don’t have the freedom to say what I need to say. I don’t offend people and I try to be everyone’s friend.
How does that work out for me?
I’ve got things to do and I may tick people off.
But I have to do them for me.
It isn’t easy to say you care about people, but it is much different when you have to do what you speak, if you don’t believe it.
People like me. I’m intense, I get the job done and I may ruffle feathers, but I care about the final outcome.
If you need my help, ask me and I will be there. But you better damn well be there for me,or I’ll never help you ever again.
A former intern came to me asking for a recommendation. She asked for me to put my name, heart, and soul backing her for a position.
She falsified documents and I was no wiser to it until a background check brought it up.
I could have kept quiet, let her move on with her life.
Part of me feels terrible about my impact on her current job situation.
Most of me doesn’t give a shit. She lied, tried to get me to back her up.
My name is all I have and I refuse to let it be tarnished.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. This was hers. She lied, I called her out on it and she is now unemployed.
I destroyed her life, some of you may say. No, I didn’t. She did when she lied to me, lied to her teachers, lied to her employers and lies to this day.
I have no sympathy for her.
So while I have been struggling with sleeplessness I discovered that my voice is gone. I don’t have what I used to.
It’s my own damn fault.
I was trained wrongly and by unethical people but the responsibility to accept their teaching was my own.
Now that I know differently, I have to make changes that I KNOW will make a difference and make up for those mistakes that I have made.
Perfect am I? Hell no.
But perfectly satisfied to be better in whatever I choose to do.
That’s on me.
I almost gave up on one kid when it is my responsibility to kick him in the ass. So the asskicking starts this morning.
I’m going to continue to shuffle paper, but try and improve who I am and what I do daily.
I’m going to try and be a better man for my wife and kids.
I’m going to walk into my office with the same pride and joy that I do everyday, but find ways to do the things I love better.
I’m going to try and write more, do things with friends and visit my kids in Indiana.
It’s not going to be easy.
But when has life made it easy for any of us.
Categories: Friends, General, Instant Sean, Life, Life Coach, My thoughts, What I Know..., What's on my mind Tags: Background check, Crime, Facebook, Instant Sean, Instant Tragedy, judgment, United States, What's on my mind
It may not always go my way, I might not understand the road I’m on, but I have to thank everyone who encourages me on the trip. I’m 13 days away from starting an emotional roller coaster that drains every ounce of energy in my body.
I haven’t secret tricks to play, I have nothing that hasn’t been done before by many other teams over the last 15 years. But as the leader of this trailblazing, ass kicking, God fearing, ever loving team of miracle workers even I fall to doubt.
It may be a millisecond that I let fear in my heart, but it is totally destroyed by the love of families that let me into their lives, doctors who share their previous stories and a hospital that has saved my life and the lives of countless others.
So I look to those who have my back now, 5 years ago, 10 years ago and 15 years ago on a ride that I am still on.
Thank you for your love, your support and your determination.
Years ago, I thought I knew what my path was intended to be.
I was wrong.
I wasn’t intended to be a big shot, nor a hero to others. I was merely a man, on a path that to this day confounds me.
I am still not what I want to be, but if you look back on the man I was 15 years ago and now, I have become the man I needed to be for others.
I am not a slave, but a servant.
I am not just a teacher but merely a guide.
I am not the man, but one he counts on.
I am not rich, but I am far from poor.
I don’t live the dream that my father wanted for me but the one that my father help me make.
I am a friend to all and I have never known a stranger.
I am someone that has a smile when you need one.
I am the one who really does care when I ask, “What’s wrong?”
And I have a mission on this Earth.
I won’t be used for others selfish reasons without allowing it.
I will call when you think you are all alone or the one you call when you need someone to listen.
I am ready for challenges, hopes, dreams, ambitions and with my heart open wide I look to you my friends to see what I can do for you. I’ve emptied my heart and my soul to you.
What does your heart tell me?
I would love arguing with my late grandfather. He taught me the “greatness” of the Republican Party.
“This is the party of Lincoln, son. The party that did great things. Ronald Reagan is the greatest president of all time. You should always consider yourself a Republican.”
I always considered myself a moderate though I have voted in more Republican primaries than Democratic in my voting career.
I’ve tried understanding the right and left. I’ve tolerated excuses from both sides , my gLibs and my Tea Partiers.
But today crossed a line.
A line that makes me look at why I said in an earlier editorial why the Republican party will make themselves obsolete because of their fear created by the Tea Party.
Today 39 Republicans said no to a treaty negotiated by George W. Bush. A treaty encouraged by such great Republicans as John McCain and Bob Dole.
Today fear won as Republicans fought against the UN Disability Treaty. A treaty that was created based on our Americans with Disabilities Act.
Republican Sens. Kelly Ayotte (N.H.), John Barrasso (Wyo.), Scott Brown (Mass.), Susan Collins (Maine), Dick Lugar (Ind.), John McCain (Ariz.), Olympia Snowe (Maine) and Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) voted with Democrats in favor of the treaty.
But 39 said no as Bob Dole looked on, stuck in his wheelchair as his former friends used excuses and lies to vote down something that extended disabled rights around the world.
No, said former presidential candidate Rick Santorium who tweeted after it had been not ratified :
“We did it, #CRPD was defeated today. @Patriot_voices will cont to have an impact on important issues. Pls join us.”
No sir, I won’t.
Bella Santorium should be ashamed of you. She would want the same rights that she has here in America around the world. But she won’t.
The Convention on the Rights of Persons With Disabilities would simply require the rest of the world to meet the standards that Americans already enjoy under the 1990 Americans With Disabilities Act.
But Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), arguing that it could allow the U.N. to impose its will on issues such as abortion and home-schooling of children with disabilities.
Show me in the treaty where it says that Senator.You can’t.
You just took a man who served with honor, a veteran and embarassed him.
Sen. Jerry Moran (R-Kansas), in May endorsed the treaty — saying, in a news release, that it advanced “fundamental values by standing up for the rights of those with disabilities, including our nation’s veterans and service members.”
But by Tuesday he had changed his mind. “Genuine concerns raised by the language of this treaty … have made it clear that foreign officials should not be put in a position to interfere with U.S. policymaking,” his statement said.
Bob Dole may have been a buffoon, during his turn at the Presidential lottery known as our political process, but he was a man of honor.
He will pass soon and I want every one of the 39 who embarassed him today to get up after he passes and talk about how he supported disabled peoples rights and how they had a chance to make a vote that made a difference to him. But they said no.
Enjoy this victory tonight Senators, drink your beverages of choice and enjoy a moment. Members of the party of Lincoln should walk by his monument and remember this one moment.
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This work by Sean A. Donahue is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.