… went to the doctor and there is “nothing he can do”. I have to wait for the one oozing bleeding wound to heal on its own.
It kinda sucks, but everything else is healing at an incredible rate so I guess I can be patient with it.
No, I can’t.
This weekend was incredible as Joanna and I got to enjoy Brian Regan on Thursday, and instead this weekend I discovered Stephen Lynch. Better and funnier….
Then Friday we enjoyed Sea Monsters at the Science Spectrum…
So WHAT could top that?
Hmm,
How about Darius Rucker , yes HOOTIE, Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley. Jo and I got to meet Darius and Dierks, didn’t get to meet Brad, but from what I heard, his tour manager is a tool. But what do you expect? Tour managers jobs are to be the prick to the artists cool.
We were both happy that Darius brought out the Hootie catalogue and Dierks got an encore. Now how many times have you known an opening act to get an encore? Not many that I have heard of. Brad’s concert was a decent show as he kept the energy up the entire time. People were amazed that Allison Krause “came” to the concert. But they were mistaken by his 48 screen projection system that did a decent job though they had issues with the right half of the screen for the opening number.
It was a great night until I started to feel a pain at one of my sites from the surgery, and when I put my hand to feel it… blood. Not good but as I said at the top there is nothing that I could do.
Joanna has a job interview tomorrow and I hope that she gets the job. She certainly needs it to keep the parents off her back.
Work has been busy and I have five interns this semester which means that they are taking care of all the nitpicking little things that has made my life this year after the surgery easier. I am a lucky man.
I’ve avoided the poker rooms the last couple of weeks because I’m secure that my team I picked for my poker blog will come through and win by the end of the year.
Joanna and I have been losing weight because of our diets. I think that having someone support you is great.
Tonight was the greatest night in a long time. Why?
Categories: Instant Sean, Life, My thoughts, What's on my mind Tags: changes, Friends, Joanna, Life, Surgery
I went to the Dallas Ft. Worth International Airport today with a smile in my heart. I went to pick up a pair of precious cargo but as always in my life, nothing ever goes the way it should.
I started to head for the airport from my parents house, trying to leave so I could get to the airport in plenty of time. There is nothing in this world that excites me more than this day. But as I left Norwood and headed on Airport Freeway I was stunned to see back to back traffic for miles upon miles. There was an accident and there was nothing I could do but wait.
But I couldn’t, I had to get there with plenty of time, so I exited and started down back road #1 to the airport, but a couple miles down the road I was stymied with yet another accident and I backtracked to my third alternate route. As I called the airline to verify the gate, I could feel the sound of my heart pounding in my head. I arrived at the gate after the joy of waiting in line for the plane.
But there was a plane still being boarded. A plane to Sacramento. “Final Boarding Call to Sacromento!” I was excited but I thought I could watch the plane come in. I could watch the plane pull in. My smile was beaming, INCREDIBLE, radiant.
As I sat by the window, I felt a presence, another man was next to me watching the plane.
“Waiting for your kid,” he asked.
“Time of the year, when divorced men come together to meet their kids because of everlasting love,” I responded.
“Is that the plane,” he asked as he motioned to the plane that we both stared at.
“Think so,” I said as the plane sat on the tarmac.
Minutes went by and we both continued to stare at the plane.
“You buy both ways,” he asked.
“Nope, just one way,” I responded.
“Lucky man,” he answered as we both continued to stare at the plane.
Then the plane started to rev its engines and we encouraged the plane sitting at A29 to move. But the plane that we thought was the plane from Louisville started to roll away from where we watched it. We watched it in horror hoping that it wasn’t.
We walked to the board hoping that the plane was delayed, hoping that another plane would show up. But as we went up to the board our worst fears were confirmed.
GATE C20.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SERIOUSLY?
We both looked at each other and started a dead run to the train. We ran up the stairs three at a time as we watched the plane move further and further away. We caught the train to terminal C and we continued to just stare at each other.
“We’ll make it…” I said as determination hit my face.
“Oh hell yes,” he said.
As the doors open, it was a fast break sprint to the gate… and as the first passenger comes off the plane we look at each other and smile.
We shook each others hands and stood next to each other.
As the first group of Unaccompanied Minors came off a look of terror came over our face. None of the kids were either of ours. But a second group came and I looked as I saw a tear roll down his face. It was his daughter that caused the tear. I patted him on the back, but he didn’t notice. But I continued to wait, and the final group of unaccompanied minors came striding up the ramp.
And Ryan let the way, and Shelby was close behind. And they screamed Daddy!
All the pain I have felt in the last couple of months went away.
And a tear fell.
Categories: My Family, My thoughts, My Writing..., What's on my mind Tags: Divorce, Kids, My thoughts
I was talking to one of my friends, and for the longest time I thought we hated each other, I really didn’t hate him/her, just was very reactionary in our relationship. We did what good friends do, talk about things that few people talk about.
I asked him/her about fear in life and how to use that playing poker.
His/Her response was one of the most clear thought and incredible responses ever:
“You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.”
Wow, and it’s very true, the bullies in our life are often those who were bullied before they ever met you. So I thought I would give him/her a couple of my friends and see what (s)he said about them. Now I chose the biggest of the well known bloggers and his/her words amazed me. Such vision and why (s)he is becoming a good friend.
What fears do the following people have:
Chad?
“Chad fears lesser players being as successful as him.”
Alcanthang?
“Al fears growing up and responsibility.”
Pauly?
“Pauly fears the words not coming.”
Then I was silent, thinking about the wisdom that I have missed. All of them obvious answers and yet I didn’t see them or chose to ignore them. I just see the successes that my friends have had.
But then I had to ask…
What do I fear ?
“Sean fears not being accepted and the separation of the ones he loves not being around him.”
It just sat there and sank. It sank into the longest and hardest ball in the pit of my stomach. I felt the power transfer to him without him saying another word, then I realized that the power given was only given to him because I let him take it. So I took it back.
In the last 7 months I’ve dealt with that fear. I’ve lost people that I thought were my friends and discovered people that I thought hate me actually admire me. I have nothing to prove to these people. Because I only give them power by acknowledging that they have power over me. Which they do not.
But in the last week I have heard from 5 different people, some friends, some acquaintances, some just people who know me that have lost their jobs, one who is about ready to lose his home. And I don’t fear. My friend Mike asked me why I don’t fear losing my job or anything else right now.
Because I have no control over it. I have to go into work, and in my life trying to be the best in the world. If I fail that nothing else I do will matter. A halfassed action will result in halfassed end. I can only do the things that I feel will help me and my family.
“But Sean, you give more than you take, how can you say that you will only help you or your family?”
Easy mike, I’ve had a vision and the vision was destroyed by people who didn’t share that vision. I changed who I was because of what people thought of my girlfriend and other minor issues. But by changing, I gave them power over me. There are times that I wish I had stood up for me, in the past I have let people walk over me. But in the last couple of years I’ve stood up for me. And because of that I am a stronger man.
Categories: Instant Sean, My thoughts, People I admire, What's on my mind Tags:
C World has put out the list of the Top 11 Lamest blogs http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27792365/ has the list. But during this holiday season I thought I would put out the Instant Donahue list of
Yup, lists in eight of things I love, hate etc…
Let’s start it off.. See the other sets at http://www.instanttragedy.com
This award goes to the Top 8 blogs/rss feeds that I will check before anything else .
8. I will teach you to be rich -It’s a personal finance blog for college students, recent graduates and everyone else — including entrepreneurship — for getting rich. I read it to help remind me about the little things that I could be doing to help me save money, for vacations and things for my kids. “Action is more important than reading 50 blogs.”- Ramit Sethi And thus it’s one of the Elite 8.
7. Dilbert – DUH. In the land of cubical hell he encompasses all the pointy head bosses in the world.
6. Blog Maverick – Mark Cuban’s blog is filled with promotion of his HD enterprises and his unique take on everything. Not many people would explain why they are investigation by the SEC. And he’s a MFFL. Go Mavericks!
5. I can’t believe I ate the whole thing – Astin is a culinary GENIUS. Though I am still waiting for his recipe for Egg Bread, he always has a unique and delicious way to look at things.
4. The life and thoughts of a midwest geek – Tim is a man who has a bunch of blogs, a bunch of kids and a lot of heart. He is the reason I’ve been looking at Digital SLR cameras again.
3. Gcox – Though he has been busy with hunting, karaoke and work. Gary is my brother from another mother. Even though he is an okie and roots for Boomer Sooner, which has to be the STUPIDEST Fight song ever. What you sing Boomer Sooner over and over again? Sheesh. I will sing it at Okie Vegas but I will insist on NO VIDEO/AUDIO. There is a limit to my shame.
2. (tie) The Wife and Doc Chako – Yup, you can’t have one without the other. I alternate which one I open first since there are some days where I don’t feel like “ladies first”. The Doc is always there with a grin whether it be a poker story or the opportunity to make you smile with a OOPSY! The Wife’s pictures are always one where I had wished I took myself.
1. Bam-Bam – A brother of mine, no we’re not related, but the time we spent in Vegas talking and his offers to help me with anything I needed to get Doc Chako’s guitar ready is just a mere portion of the man. Though I love the Frantic Fridays and the ability for him to tap in and let me into his life, he is an older brother to me.
This award goes to the Top 8 blogs/rss feeds that are my friends that I haven’t mentioned above.
8. Evy’s Top Pair – Hellooooo Nurse!
7. Riggstad’s Nut Straight – We had a vision, and it will come true soon.
6. Poker Stage – Falstaff is the man. When people don’t want to do something, he is there. When it needs to be done, he is there. When you are tired and exhausted needing a drink… he is there.
5. oossuuu – Not many people depend on you to get the hardest ticket in town then after watching his team lose come and help mount a big screen tv. A scholar and a gentlemen.
4. Dead Money = SirAlCantHang – Ever since he was put on “Vacation” the blog seems like its lost its fuel. But I have a feeling that the blogger gathering in december will put him back onto a topless woman state of mind.
3. Everyone else that I haven’t mentioned yet.
2. Poker and other Stuff - My friend Recess has had a hard year. I feel for him and remind him that the greatest joys are around the corner.
1. The Poker Enthusiast - Dusty is a hell of a man and I consider him one of my best friends. He listens without judgment and offers advice when I don’t need it but I should listen to it anyway.
Categories: Friends, My thoughts, SYCMU, What's on my mind Tags: Blogs, Instant Happiness, Instant Sean, List, Meme
I’ve been working on a lot of projects this last couple of months…
So lets get you caught up:
I found a wonderful woman, lost her, found her again.
I had issues at work which I can’t mention and have made adjustments to correct the issues.
I haven’t played poker much because I haven’t been home much, lot of work, lot of renovation, lot of Texas Tech Football, lot of don’t care.
I have lost my voice, not only physically but mentally. I used to write because I had something to say, but recently I lost it due to actions in and beyond my control. It took a while for me to find my voice again. Not to succomb to the death of what gave me joy for so long, the ability and the desire to write.
And only have I found peace recently. Peace in my heart and peace in my mind.
I won’t be controlled or manipulated. I will just be there for those of you I deem important to be around. Recently I had made choices that I thought were in the best interest of my family, my future and myself. All those assumptions were wrong. I needed to not see what I was missing to realize that I wasn’t missing anything at all.
I have had the realization that there are special friends who care and who have been my advocates in many forms and function. I have had those who have shown their true colors. And I have seen the difference.
I have made mistakes that have hurt me, but were in the best interest of me. I won’t and can’t do things the same way every time.
And I have shut down. Not like my usual once a year weekly shutdown that occurs after the Radiothon or before my birthday. This was a shutdown of my emotions.
I lost Mugsy, my precious dog. To some of my readers, he was just an animal. But to me, he was my sanity when Angie left me and took the kids. When my grandfather died, my dog knew when I was low and tried to help. When Pat died, he knew my anger. But I never was good enough to him, snapping at him when he would bark or when he would bark at the front door when there was no one there. I was wrong Mugs. There was someone there that night and you tried your damnest to make sure I was safe. I should have checked up on you after you ran out the dog door. You did your job my friend.
I took time to wake up and see a sunrise and see the majesty of a painted masterpiece that I rarely see. I drove outside of town to see the stars. And I saw into my soul.
Now some of you would see this as an attempt to say “Everything is going to be alright.” I already know that.
That’s not what this post is about. This post is about cleaning old things out.
I have been working on removing the crappy old carpet and replacing it. When the chair rail is put up in the next couple of weeks I will put up the pictures of the before and after. But I don’t think that you need to see what’s in the past or in the future.
For the past is the lessons that we have all learned and all will learn. The future is where we walk hand in hand together. Some of us have fallen or taken another path. Some of us will not walk together, our paths have diverged from each other. But the path I am on is a glorious one my friends. I take each step looking forward to the next step.
And that’s what’s different. It’s not who we have elected or who we didn’t, it’s not the price of my 401k from three years ago to now. It’s the path and the walk that has made the difference.
I have made bad judgments on working with people on things that I had no right to involve myself in or get pulled into. I have worked with people that I have tried to overlook flaws that have affected the way I worked with them. I have tried to work with people that I should have passed on because I wanted so bad to make something of my life. I made mistakes.
But I have also have had some incredible successes in the last couple of months.
I put up a ceiling fan by myself without electricuting myself, I helped lay wood flooring down in the kids room and I have painted like I have never painted before. Patrick would be proud.
I have finally completed my emergency fund so I am safe for a month and I am trying to build on it with the $1000 in 30 days challenge. So far I’ve got $175 in the fund and I think I can put more away to hit my goal. I am extremely proud of myself.
I actually had Joanna put the thought into my head of going back to school and finishing my degree part time. The mere thought of getting my degree finally puts a smile on my face and one day, and it may be soon, I might just start down that path again.
I’ve had other successes that I would and could enumerate… but why bother? I have survived the darkness and have seen the light.
I would like to, without a shadow of a doubt, go to Vegas for the December blogger gathering. But I cannot. Work, flights and things out of my control will keep me from attending. My next blogger gathering will be at Okie-Vegas III or is it IV. I can not wait till July to see my friends again.
I still have hopes, dreams and desires of greatness and of miracles.
If you read through all of this, miracle one achieved.
Sean
Categories: Instant Happiness, Instant Sean, Life, Living life to the fullest, My thoughts, What's on my mind Tags: Inspiration, Instant Happiness, What's on my mind
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