I had to get a new camera because the last one that I’ve had for 9 years finally died. I was so sad, and it was a battle just to decide on which type of camera I was going to get, but Joanna finally took my wallet out of my pocket after week 5 of looking at different cameras and told me;
“Just buy the damn thing!”
So, Shelby and Ryan’s pictures this time around are going to be sharper better and I finally bought something for ME!
and I’m far from free to talk about the last couple of months but I’m back to try and get the feelings and emotions out.
I had an alternate blog that I put nothing but private posts up and there probably won’t be a day when those see the light of day.
I was stuck, not willing to let anything go, not willing to let anything out, and I was constipated with thought and emotions. Rather than yelling and screaming on here, I’ve decided to hold thing in.
And that’s where I become the most miserable.
I wasn’t in the beginning because most of the stuff I discussed in my blog was discussed with Joanna and I had an outlet. But the longer that I didn’t write, I didn’t feel like I was free.
One of my friend Mookie’s question’s is Do you get a lot of grief for your poker habit? It isn’t my poker habit, it’s my writing habit. I’ve been doing a lot of things that haven’t been condusive to writing, I’ve let my feelings get bottled up and in the end, I have shut down.
I’ve played games, tried playing poker, tried writing other stuff, but I’m not sure what I needed to do, so I hid. It’s what I do and Mitchell and my other friends know that I shut down when I don’t know the answer.
And that has hurt my friends and family.
They were worried, and in a dream I had last night, I was brought to a writing intervention.
“You know, ” my dream friend Mitchell says, “you seem happier when you are writing and your friends and family are here to let you know that we won’t let you hide in the excuse of work and video games to try and avoid life.”
“You run around the house kissing me when you get those awe inspiring ideas and those have been gone for awhile,” my dream fiance Joanna cries,”I want my creative (nickname not for public consumption) back.”
Then my friend Marshall knocks down the door. “Dude, you’ve been gone? WTF”
So, I’m back, hurting a little less and hoping that the struggles that I go through are less each day and that my dreams are closer and my love is stronger than it has been before.
I know times are tough, but as long as you have familty that loves you and good friends, nothing else matters.
Be tough and remember that the only thing that hold you back is you yourself.
I learned that yesterday. I’ve alwyas thought of myself as a small cog, something that can be replaced with any other cog and the motor will work the same.
But yesterday, I was told how important I was in my field and it felt good. There is very very few people in the multiple groups of my field that does what I do. I’m the ultimate specialist. And its good to know I’ll be able to find work because of my abilities whenever in the future my time here is over.
But to my friends who I know are sturggling in this economy, have hope. I’m saying multiple prayers for you and negotiating with the Big Guy. Maybe your perfect gig is just around the corner. Have faith!
I first met her at the hotel at which my, at that time, girlfriend worked. I had no idea who she was, but she was in “MY SEAT” and I wasn’t going to have any little missy give me any lip.
“Hi, nice to meet you, can I sit down next to my girlfriend,” I said with venom hissing out of me. Who does this woman THINK she is?
“That’s nice, no you can’t sit on the floor,whoever you are,” she said with an equal amount of venom. We both hissed and marked our territory with her, being my girlfriends best friend.
I had no reason to talk to her as we ended every discussion with a fight. Meaningless little fights as small as who was the last to spend time with the girlfriend.
One day my girlfriend told me that “her” would rather favor women than to ever see me. I responded that I would rather knaw my arm off than spend one moment with her.
We didn’t talk again for a year.
Whenever we did it was snarky, rude just venom filled hate. I still don’t remember why we hated each other so much. But we did.
So a couple of weeks ago, as I left a promotional appearance for my job, I was honked at. I didn’t know who the person was that honked but gave the standard “Hi, thanks for listening wave.”
She sent me a message that said, ” you know, when you see someone that you know in the convenience store, you should say hi…even if you absolutely despise that person…lol…”
I was pissed, I waved, Great, it was HER and I had to respond. What did she want. We had not talked to each other in over a year and it was the best year of my life. I mean the last time I talked to her I told her ”
Just take the nightstick out and realize that we (The Current Girlfriend at the time and I) think you are great, though we are worried about your desires to handcuff men to your bed. Luv ya, mean it sd”
So I was polite and responded, ” When did I see you? I don’t despise you at all, Call me sd” because I really didn’t despise her, just didn’t understand why she chose to always be nasty to me.
She wrote back, “you’re a dork…and i don’t have your number….lol…i sasw you the other day at the gas station at frankford and 19th.”
And then it all clicked. THE HONKER! Well crap, what did SHE want?
It couldn’t be easy, it had to be difficult, ” better idea…why don’t you call me.”
Games, always had to be games with her.
I called her that night and we talked.
And talked, and talked. Until 4, yes ladies and gentlemen FOUR in the morning.
I found out that she NEVER did hate me, just wanted to be a pain in my ass.
So I had already had gone out on Friday to run some errands after staying late at the house and headed back in from (what I found out later was her side of town) when she texted me. [Come meet us for dinner]. Her friend Megan and her were at Moe’s eating dinner. I wasn’t able to since at this time, I was letting mugsy out of his cage so he could use the restroom and walk around each night. I had to put him up so the tile guys who were putting down the new floor, wouldn’t have mugsy jumping up and down on them while they tried to work.
So I let Mugsy out, and headed to the date that would change the way I thought about her.
I met her friend Megan and her at the New Buffalo Wild Wings and we watched the opening ceremonies and she and I tried to play trivia without boxes. I schooled her and we just started to talk. All of the sudden, Megan excuses herself and she and I are alone. We talked about our hopes, our dreams, our wishes. And then it clicked.
She had to get ready for her two week trip to Philadelphia and Pittsburgh for visiting her best friend and her cousin’s wedding. I wished her luck and walked her to her car. As we got to the front door I tried to hold open the door. And she walked right past me opening the other door and then she turned back. I must have had a look of shock or disappointment on my face because the look on her face was priceless. I had kicked her dog, smacked her face and peed in her post toasties. She knew she had screwed up.
When we finally got to her car I gave her a hug, telling her the night was still young. But it wasn’t meant to be. She opened her truck door and got in. I turned to walk to my car and go away, but I had to do something.
I walked up to her and in my mind said ok. Make your stand.
“Honey, if I don’t say this I’m going to hate myself forever. But after talking to you and thinking, I realized one thing. Maybe all this time I was dating the wrong girl.” And I kissed her, tenderly, passionately and it only took a tenth of a second for her to kiss back. It was wonderful. She went home to pack and I went home to crash, but it didn’t happen. That night we talked to 2 in the morning and I had a remote and she had cleaning to finish before she left so I went to bed thinking. “What in the hell did I do tonight?”
The next morning I went to my remote and she called me telling me that we wanted to come and see me before my remote was over. But she never did and as I was leaving for the station she called me asking if I could come see her. I went over to her apartment and as I called for directions (I’m like that, I really need a GPS unit) she laughed and directed me in. Now Megan was supposed to take her to the airport. But as the clock got closer and closer she got more nervous.
“How about I just take you to the airport hon?” I asked trying to help her out.
“Megan has to get my keys,” she said as she vacuumed nervously. “She has to feed my fish.”
So we waited until we couldn’t wait any longer, I started to help her take her stuff to the car. “You can drive my truck if you want Sean,” she told me.
“Nah, let me use my car,” I said as I started loading things in. I really don’t drive other people’s vehicles, all I drive is my company car and my car.
As we started to pull out in came Megan and her various assistants. SHE gave the keys up, and I got her to the airport. As I unloaded the bags I gave her a hug and a kiss on her forehead. I didn’t try for a kiss on the lips. I wanted to play this slow.
She left and I didn’t think another thing about it, till I got a call from her telling me how much she appreciated me.
We talked on and off all the way her trip to Philly.
Every day the next week, we talked to 2 or 3 in the morning. We explored our friendship with each other and I had to pass several tests, including the “best girlfriend test”, the “friend who is a psychologist test” and the “Talk to my mother test”
I guess I passed.
So I told you that I would be making a small announcement here, so here it goes…
Thanks Bam-Bam for getting this song in my head… So Happy.
I’ve been dealing with issues that I didn’t want to admit nor discuss. But I have to… Recently I was told the words that I thought I would never hear from my children.
My mom came in for a sneak visit today. Sneak in, get done what she wanted to accomplish and get out.
She’s commando like that!
So I picked her up from the airport before 9 and she dropped me off at the station so I could go on the air and continue to make a living. Her goal was to look at the tile samples I had gotten for her and compare them to the bathroom and kitchen to make “The Perfect Selection”*.
To my surprise my phone rang after an hour. I had to go on the air, do my job, take a long lunch to spend time with her so she knew I had until 1 before she was supposed to pick me up.
Why was she calling?
“You are a bachelor,” my mom said.
“What was your first hint? The toilet seat being up?”
She laughed, “What do you need from the store?”
“Well, since I go shopping on the 15th and the last day of the month usually, probably everything.”
“I’m already at the store picking you up odds and ends.”
Big Guy upstairs I Love my mom. Because she doesn’t ask, she just does.
So when she is ready to pick me up I have cases of water in the backseat of my car (that I had let her use) and she had already put the rest of the stuff up.
We headed off to the tile store and met Jeff Krueger of Carpet Solutions. One of my good friends and the man whenever I decide to get some more money put aside, is going to fix the shell of a 67 Mustang in my garage.
Mom finds the “Perfect Selection*” and I nod my head as if to say ‘It doesn’t suck’ but to be sure we bring it and a grout color selector back to the house. Jeff invited us to lunch and Mom couldn’t say no. We stopped by Garcia’s and had a nice lunch. I had never been to Garcia’s before and I was pleasantly surprised. I had the flour enchladas with cheese and they were incredible. The chips and hot sauce was very good. I stuck with water and trying my best not to get off that kick.
We headed to the house and examined the “Perfect Selection*” versus the two bordered tile. PERFECT!
So we headed back to the tile store, and I bought enough tile for the living room and the hall, 300 sq ft. Then I felt like I needed to check in. I had gotten permission to take a longer lunch, but I felt like I needed to get some work done and some face time in. So while mom read her book in my office, I got some paperwork and needed phone calls done. I felt like I had gotten alot accomplished so we headed back to the house to box up some stuff. Mom was great cause she had reorganized and cleaned the kitchen surprising me with a fridge full of water and fruit and veggies. Maybe she is trying to tell me something…
But the thing that made me laugh was that she had gotten me four zucchini. On the way to the airport tonight she told me about all the ways I could cook them.
But all I was thinking was a good recipe for Zucchini bread.
Is that wrong?
* (Mom is guaranteed to always make the Perfect Selection. Just ask your mom!)
I had to get a new camera because the last one that I’ve had for 9 years finally died. I was so sad, and it was a battle just to decide on which type of camera I was going to get, but Joanna finally took my wallet out of my pocket after week 5 of looking at different cameras and told me;
Call me sd” because I really didn’t despise her, just didn’t understand why she chose to always be nasty to me.
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