Liberty is freedom…

and I’m far from free to talk about the last couple of months but I’m back to try and get the feelings and emotions out.

I had an alternate blog that I put nothing but private posts up and there probably won’t be a day when those see the light of day.

I was stuck, not willing to let anything go, not willing to let anything out, and I was constipated with thought and emotions. Rather than yelling and screaming on here, I’ve decided to hold thing in.

And that’s where I become the most miserable.

I wasn’t in the beginning because most of the stuff I discussed in my blog was discussed with Joanna and I had an outlet. But the longer that I didn’t write, I didn’t feel like I was free.

One of my friend Mookie’s question’s is Do you get a lot of grief for your poker habit?  It isn’t my poker habit, it’s my writing habit.  I’ve been doing a lot of things that haven’t been condusive to writing, I’ve let my feelings get bottled up and in the end, I have shut down.

I’ve played games, tried playing poker, tried writing other stuff, but I’m not sure what I needed to do, so I hid. It’s what I do and Mitchell and my other friends know that I shut down when I don’t know the answer.

And that has hurt my friends and family.

They were worried, and in a dream I had last night, I was brought to a writing intervention.

“You know, ” my dream friend Mitchell says, “you seem happier when you are writing and your friends and family are here to let you know that we won’t let you hide in the excuse of work and video games to try and avoid life.”

“You run around the house kissing me when you get those awe inspiring ideas and those have been gone for awhile,” my dream fiance Joanna cries,”I want my creative (nickname not for public consumption) back.”

Then my friend Marshall knocks down the door. “Dude, you’ve been gone? WTF”

So, I’m back, hurting a little less and hoping that the struggles that I go through are less each day and that my dreams are closer and my love is stronger than it has been before.

sd

Well tonight Jo and I went to see Brian Regan at the Civic Center.

Funny guy but was more impressed with the opening act Kermit Apio!

Jo and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings cause I was craving buffalo wings and I’ve been good on my diet that I started after the surgery.

We came home and watched the new Burn Notice and decided that Saturday we’d clean the garage and I’d spend 3 hours doing nothing but writing.

I miss writing, but I have been working on some projects and spending more time thinking and writing stuff that I don’t want anyone to read.

The sites on my stomach are getting better I just need to give them more time.  I heal fast, but I’m so damn impatient.

Still waiting for my “revised” passport to show up.  Still surprised when I sent a New York birth certificate that they would put Lubbock, TX as my birthplace.  Hell, I love this place but sheesh.

Hoping my friends are doing well.  I’ve been lurking around, busy at work, my busy time of year preparing for my major event.  Then I get to go to Ireland.

I think the hard work will pay off.

Until tomorrow,

sd

Yup, I’m on my way.

Heading to see Dad. 

I’ve got a lot to talk to you about and I’ll do it from my undisclosed location.

Mom wants me to come next weekend since Dad had a bad morning and is in one of his “Sick Moods”

I tried to talk to him , but he was asleep when I called.

Soooo I have a plane ticket for next weekend.

Spending the entire weekend with Dad, so Mom can have a break.

Today was a day of signs for me.

Some were easy, like STOP : stopping myself from calling the ex

Caution: Being patient with a friend who I’d like to get to know better but she is still dealing with the death of her dad.

GO: I did things for me tonight. 

(more…)

He still has to go back to the doctor so they can examine the abcesses on and below the liver.  He still has 6 weeks of Antibiotics, but thank the Big Guy he is FINALLY HOME!

I could mention all the people who have prayed, but I know you all had thoughts and wishes that were communicated through e-mail, blog comments, phone and mail messages.

My family thanks you,

My Dad thanks you,

and I thank you!

But 1 Doctor says NO!

He’s off Oxygen, his heart is normal, kidneys are functioning properly.  But the liver doctor won’t let him go.

I am crushed, Dad is crushed.  Mom is trying to make him feel better by bringing up the dvd player and a Nebraska game.

I just want my dad out of the hospital and home.

Maybe that’s too much to ask for.

Still dealing with TWO liver abcesses but they are going to drain them in an outpatient fashion.

This will be better for him both mentally and physically.

The heart condition has been fixed with medication and the lungs are clear now.

The only concern we have are the two abcesses, one on and one under the liver.

PARTY TIME!

Mom is going to be giving him IV Antibiotics for the next 6 – 8 weeks.

Pictures with the kids tailgating forthcoming!

Tech Leads Oklahoma  27-10 at Halftime.

Can the smile on my face be erased?

Not likely.