and I’m far from free to talk about the last couple of months but I’m back to try and get the feelings and emotions out.

I had an alternate blog that I put nothing but private posts up and there probably won’t be a day when those see the light of day.

I was stuck, not willing to let anything go, not willing to let anything out, and I was constipated with thought and emotions. Rather than yelling and screaming on here, I’ve decided to hold thing in.

And that’s where I become the most miserable.

I wasn’t in the beginning because most of the stuff I discussed in my blog was discussed with Joanna and I had an outlet. But the longer that I didn’t write, I didn’t feel like I was free.

One of my friend Mookie’s question’s is Do you get a lot of grief for your poker habit?  It isn’t my poker habit, it’s my writing habit.  I’ve been doing a lot of things that haven’t been condusive to writing, I’ve let my feelings get bottled up and in the end, I have shut down.

I’ve played games, tried playing poker, tried writing other stuff, but I’m not sure what I needed to do, so I hid. It’s what I do and Mitchell and my other friends know that I shut down when I don’t know the answer.

And that has hurt my friends and family.

They were worried, and in a dream I had last night, I was brought to a writing intervention.

“You know, ” my dream friend Mitchell says, “you seem happier when you are writing and your friends and family are here to let you know that we won’t let you hide in the excuse of work and video games to try and avoid life.”

“You run around the house kissing me when you get those awe inspiring ideas and those have been gone for awhile,” my dream fiance Joanna cries,”I want my creative (nickname not for public consumption) back.”

Then my friend Marshall knocks down the door. “Dude, you’ve been gone? WTF”

So, I’m back, hurting a little less and hoping that the struggles that I go through are less each day and that my dreams are closer and my love is stronger than it has been before.

sd

Funny guy but was more impressed with the opening act Kermit Apio!

Jo and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings cause I was craving buffalo wings and I’ve been good on my diet that I started after the surgery.

We came home and watched the new Burn Notice and decided that Saturday we’d clean the garage and I’d spend 3 hours doing nothing but writing.

I miss writing, but I have been working on some projects and spending more time thinking and writing stuff that I don’t want anyone to read.

The sites on my stomach are getting better I just need to give them more time.  I heal fast, but I’m so damn impatient.

Still waiting for my “revised” passport to show up.  Still surprised when I sent a New York birth certificate that they would put Lubbock, TX as my birthplace.  Hell, I love this place but sheesh.

Hoping my friends are doing well.  I’ve been lurking around, busy at work, my busy time of year preparing for my major event.  Then I get to go to Ireland.

I think the hard work will pay off.

Until tomorrow,

sd

Heading to see Dad. 

I’ve got a lot to talk to you about and I’ll do it from my undisclosed location.

I tried to talk to him , but he was asleep when I called.

Soooo I have a plane ticket for next weekend.

Spending the entire weekend with Dad, so Mom can have a break.

Some were easy, like STOP : stopping myself from calling the ex

Caution: Being patient with a friend who I’d like to get to know better but she is still dealing with the death of her dad.

GO: I did things for me tonight. 

I called my friend Kerri and we went to the Las Brisas Steakhouse.

Pricey, but I had “comps” from the station and I wanted to treat myself.

We had Surf and Turf with her taking a filet, while I had a ribeye with the bone still in it. It was incredible.  We finished the night with Bananas Foster.

We caught up, her on dad, and me on her dad and her new job with Family Life Radio, the Christian Radio Group in Lubbock.  I am so proud of her. I’m even impressed with the guy that she is dating. He’s a poker buddy that every time she mentions his name, I confuse him with another friend that shares his name. 

“He thinks, you’re great,” she said as she laughed.

“Tell him , I’m only interested in women.”

We laughed and caught up, then came home to watch a new show that I had DVR’ed “Eli Stone”.  Not bad.  It had just enough in corniness and seriousness that had me intruiged.

The real test of if a show is good is not the first episode, but the seocnd and third.  Anyone can make a pilot.  But the person who can make me feel the passion I felt for the first will have me watch it.

But I hope Damon a co-worker doesn’t get into the show.  If he does… It’s doomed.

Anything Damon watches goes down in flames.  It’s sad to watch. But this also is the man who until 2 years ago NEVER saw Top Gun and to this day has not seen a Star Wars, or Star Trek movie. It’s sad, I tell you , so SAD!

I did have the line of the day on the air today…

“Yes folks Players, the strip club is opening back up. The sign said opening soon.. Hiring all positions. I asked for missionary but it was already taken.” Bu Dum Bump.

I have CMN family interview tomorrow and I can’t wait.  I’m knawing at the bit to get Radiothon in and done this year for the 10th time. 

I may go and shock pop tomorrow.  I’m not supposed to because that would mean I would be driving during the Super Bowl.

Who cares. it’s my dad.

Like something that happened had work. Someone asked me what was more important my kids or my job. Before they could even get out anything else other than my kids, I answered my kids. The same thing for my family.

They are what make me strong and help me when I am at my weakest. Nothing and nobody can have that strength.  Family, even those who you dislike, always come round when the going is tough.  Because that’s what makes you family.

I could mention all the people who have prayed, but I know you all had thoughts and wishes that were communicated through e-mail, blog comments, phone and mail messages.

My family thanks you,

My Dad thanks you,

and I thank you!

He’s off Oxygen, his heart is normal, kidneys are functioning properly.  But the liver doctor won’t let him go.

I am crushed, Dad is crushed.  Mom is trying to make him feel better by bringing up the dvd player and a Nebraska game.

I just want my dad out of the hospital and home.

Maybe that’s too much to ask for.

This will be better for him both mentally and physically.

The heart condition has been fixed with medication and the lungs are clear now.

The only concern we have are the two abcesses, one on and one under the liver.

PARTY TIME!

Mom is going to be giving him IV Antibiotics for the next 6 – 8 weeks.

Pictures with the kids tailgating forthcoming!

Tech Leads Oklahoma  27-10 at Halftime.

Can the smile on my face be erased?

Not likely.