“I’m gonna hand the homeless guy a dollar and tell him to buy himself a vowel.”
The board table was filled with some of the tops in the community, “No-hair Harry”, “Windshield Wally”, and of course “BP Bob”. It was the monthly meeting held under the freeway in the part of town where no one drove. You got off on the access road at your own risk and the junkies and dealers were peddling their wares to whoever would listen.
“Now look guys, it’s time for quality review time,” said No-hair Harry.
“Aren’t you going to open the meeting in a civilized way Harry,” BP Bob interrupted. “we aren’t all neanderthals, we’re just homeless.”
“Fine, I call to order this meeting of the International Brotherhood of Homeless, Hobos and Street Performers Chapter 806,” Harry said with a smile.
“Move to waive the reading of the minutes,” No-teeth Natalie tried to say but it came out where noone could really understand her. She just needed to feel like she had a purpose in life.
“Ok, let’s move on. Now let’s see everyone’s signs,” Windshield Wally said as he held his own up (Will wash your windshield for $5 or best offer).
All around the broken table that was held up with two shopping carts the members held up their signs one by one.
(Will Work For Food) – said White Trash Sally’s. “Good,” everyone said.
One nut Neil held up his sign and everyone started to laugh.
“What, what’s wrong? What did I do this time,” he said as he turned his sign around to look at it. “I changed it from the last one. I wasn’t getting any money and mostly got middle fingers with (Will have sex for food).”
“Now, look Neil, we’re homeless not illiterate,” Airhead Angela said.
“Yeah, I like the words but do you want the people that look at your sign say “I’m gonna hand the homeless guy a dollar and tell him to buy himself a vowel,” BP Bob laughed”
One Nut Neil looked at his sign. All it said was (I used to be an accountant plese help me with a dollar).
“What?”
“Would you like an A Vanna,” BP Bob said?
Neil jumped up and crossed pushing Soup kitchen Sandra to the ground as he tried to get to Bob, “Just because you screwed up the Gulf doesn’t mean I’ll feel any pity for you as I start kicking your ass up and down the hood Bob.”
As he got closer and closer to Bob the Peacemaker got between the two of them holding up a glass filled with what could best be described as prison punch.
“Why don’t you two just have a drink and relax,” he said and pushed the glass in Neil’s face.
Neil took a sip and started to gag, “this is worse than the last batch you made up, what did you put in it, lighter fluid?”
“Actually a tablespoon of battery acid for that extra pick me up,” Peacemaker said as everyone gathered around for their taste of the kidney killing nectar.
Sandra interrupted with a “remember that the south side soup kitchen has bran muffins this week!” This was greeted with cheers!
“Everyone remember the cops will looking in the north side this week so lets keep our activities to the east and south until the heat cools down and remember, we have our standards, don’t be like Big Voice Ted and try to go big time,” No-hair Harry said.
“Yeah. he doesn’t even remember I gave him that piece of cardboard. He owes me 14.85% of his future earnings.” One Nut Neil said.
“I hope people remember that this could happen to them if things don’t change soon,” Bad beard Barry said as the meeting broke up.
“Well, more homeless could mean more membership dues, and just think of the strike fund that we can have,” said Tranny Taglibue.
As one by one they left for their assigned areas One Nut Neil was scratching out his new masterpiece.
(Bet ya can’t hit me with a quarter)
“That’ll do it! I’ll be eating at the dollar menu by lunch today.”
Categories: My Writing... Tags: Homeless, Joanna, Quick Story, Quotes, Writing Challenge
To my love Joanna…
My brain works a thousand miles an hour but when you are directing traffic, everything goes where it needs to be.
My soul has been hurting until you came along and smoothed over the rough and sharp portions of it, tailoring it to what we BOTH needed.
My heart had been lost, without fire or spirit, but with you I have new energy and try to find successes in every path I take.
You are my lover, my friend, my soul mate , friend and guide to my children and the one person I trust implicitly.
I love you now and forever. Though I am far from perfect you see past my flaws and see the true me, the diamond in the rough.
And for that I will always love you my dear.
How much do I love you?
Take a breath, and while you hold it imagine the millions of atoms in that one breath.
My love for you is like the collection of all the atoms in the universe.
Now exhale and remember that my love does not question, it just is.
I love you!
Sean
Categories: Instant Happiness, People I admire Tags: Joanna
Hey pinheads…
I don't believe you when you tell me that you want to be my friend. I don't care if you say that you served in Desert Storm, or help with your daughter's Girl Scout troop. I don't care if you've listened to me on the radio for years and are my biggest fan.
Categories: Hate is bad Tags: Car buying sucks, Cheaters, Joanna, Liars
The city of Lubbock Traffic Dept… SUCKS!
But we have great news from the insurance company…
They found that since we have evidence that there have been reports of problems with the traffic light and since there are multiple errors on the police report, plus a lengthy delay by the City of Lubbock to provide details from the traffic signal…
They will not pay ANY of the bills for the person who hit Joanna’s truck as there is enough evidence that she was NOT at fault.
WHEW!
That’s a relief!
Joanna’s leg is healing quite nicely and the search for a new vehicle is continuing.
So we take it one day at a time.
Whew!
Categories: Instant Happiness Tags: Accident, Farmers Insurance, Instant Happiness, Insurance, Joanna
She’s feeling much better… not
Right now Joanna is passed out and I wish there was something I can do for her. Her bruise is 4″ by 8 ” and her entire body aches. If the pain in her neck doesn’t stop by Monday we will return to the doctor.
The car is totalled (according to the body shop) and we will get the official word on Monday.
I wish I could take the pain from her.
But all I can do is love her.
Categories: People I admire Tags: Accident, Joanna






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