I can, the toilets busted.

Ah Joy.

Hi , my name is Job and I’m glad to meet you.

Hey,

It’s your brother Sean.  I’m missing you bro.  You’d be proud of me, I’ve been painting the house and somehow, I finally understand the concept that no matter how hard you scrub and wash, you will always miss one section of paint that dripped, slopped or fell on you that you are oblivious with.  I remember the days where you’d come back from some job and your hands would be covered with paint hiding the wear and tear that you put yourself through. (more…)

I’ve spent this morning puking my guts out. I’m exhausted and since I woke up are unable to get back asleep.

UGH!

The only questions I have is when somebody (not Joanna) says that even though that they have a disagreement with you that they still love you, is it a cop out?

sometimes you look it in the face and stare it down.

I have seen the darkness and I have stared into the empty soul and depression that it has. I have laughed in its face and heard an evil laugh returning to me.

But I could not look at the evil without seeing in it, a piece of me. All of my failures and yet I also saw the successes behind those failures.

What do they have to do with now?

Absolutely nothing…

that I can say.

In the days before the darkest times in humanity there have been souls burdened with things that they could not explain nor say.  It was their load to bear.

I’ve hidden from most and changed in ways I like, and in ways I loathe.

I look at the evil and yet in the mirror, the evil is me.

I have to face the pain and move into something great. Most of the great ones have failed. I have failed for I have not yet lived.  I have worried myself sick, and done things that were to protect me, and yet I have not experience life.

I look to the shephards to my left and to my right and see the glory and pain.  For me to succeed I must take a shot, a chance.

If it goes well, I’ll let you know.

If it doesn’t I will still let you know.

Before I wrote to hide my pain, but now I write for I hunger.  And that hunger hasn’t been fed in a long while.  I am moving away from some things and back to others.

Hopefully, I have chosen correctly.

I write, I work, I come home, see my girlfriend, and write, then I sleep.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Lots of stuff that I would love to tell you,

but I can’t.

Just not enough time.

The storm has arrived.

The thing I didn’t want to happen, occurred.

See you whenever…

Ryan was stoked and I took a ton of pics.

Shelby was okie, but she is still approaching my own personal hell known as the teen years.

Bags are packed, and I head out to Little Rock to drop off the kids to the ex tomorrow.

Then the challenge really begins.

could pull me out of the funk I got today…

Which started at work, which I can’t talk about, BUT IT MAY PROCLUDE ME COMING TO VEGAS!

Then continued at home, with Mom being mad, and rightfully so, that the kids didn’t call her to say thank you for their birthday gifts, Ryan cause he doesn’t want to and Shelby because… I dunno.

Let’s not forget my brother no showing his own birthday party and my sister in law ducking my call when I needed to get my brothers cell # again.

Today was just so horrible that I gave up in cards, gave up smiling, gave up laughing.

Just going to go to bed and hope that when I wake up I give a shit again.

Maybe in 2008.

Actually I am going to call Amanda and see if she can pull me out of this funk.

“Daddy, me and Ry Ry have talked it over and we don’t want to come see you tomorrow. We would rather you come up here so we don’t have to leave mommy.” (Crying begins from my 8 year old Shelby)

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