and when I have a sec I’ll get it on here.

But I’m going to leave you with a note from one of my good friends

advice quotes from me that you should already know

1) The fun never starts ’till we get there

2) Living is ten times more important than anything else you’ll ever experience

3) Don’t ever be a “people” when you can be a person

Um, a little help please...

I’ve been thinking alot…and I’ve made some mistakes in the past.

And I admit it.

I’ve had some fun, and I admit it.

But the concept of what I am now needs to change.

Some factors of who I am , I enjoy and I will try my best to maintain.

But today , I let the darker side out and just didn’t like what I saw.

I’ve decided that it is almost time for me to get a new puppy.

Not yet, but close.

…

As for Radiothon preparations, I am nowhere where I NEED to be, but this weekend I’ll get there.

I’ve been putting things off, but I’ll get there.

I’ve been lucky to have a good woman who is by me supporting me, encouraging me.

And because of her I’ll get there.

…

I’ve let myself down by trying to make excuses, but I’ve been wrong.  I’ve had my personal defcon set to 4 for too long.  I’ve let people in my life that have hurt me and have taken advantage of my willingness to help.  They’ve taken something I’ve loved and destroyed it. So I’m going to work on this project after I get back from Ireland.

Hopefully when I return, I will have found the will to take back The Castle and finally get it on track to publishing it.

I’ve got to thank my family, Joanna, Rich, Jim, Dusty, and the people who’ve had my back.

…

But since I’m making progress on losing weight, seeing a number on the scale that I haven’t seen since before I got divorced, I’m going to keep going, keep pushing myself.

I know I’m hard on myself, but I have great hopes, dreams and wishes.

That will all come true.

…

I talked to my life coach today and he made recommendations, some will come easy, some will be hard to achieve.  But every little goal I’ve set, I’ve made.

Now it’s time to stop hiding and make those goals that I can only dream of achieving.

…
Every day I talk to Shelby I realize that she is no longer my little girl, the one I palmed in my hand, the one I gave baths in the kitchen sink.  She’s a tween, and asking me questions that I am not qualified to answer and I feel uncomfortable thinking about.

But I miss her.

When Ryan wants to talk to me, which is still few and far between, as he is momma’s boy, he is a motormouth, he just jabbers away.  Then there are other times where he is quiet and withdrawn, with one word answers and crying.

I miss him.

But I am approaching the hardest decision of my life…

and I’m so confused.

I wish I could tell you about what it is about, but I know that the blog is monitored and I just can’t sacrifice my privacy for your input.

…

3 weeks from Ireland and Mom sent me 4 new polo shirts so I “have clean nice things for the trip”. You can watch a boy become a man, but to a mother, he will always be a boy.

I’m scared and yet excited, I check my passport every day. It amazes me that I’ve gone 38 years without even sniffing leaving the USA but now with the passport I think of reasons every day to leave.

I could go visit my friends Mark and Chris in Canada.  I could see the city of London, Rome, I’ll pass on Paris for now.

I just have to step out of my comfort zone.

…

I guess that’s what this post has all been about.

I’m stuck.

Some of you may be asked to help me with a special project.

It’s about cheering up a friend of mine going through a tough time.

Be prepared.

Tonight I actually played some poker. See http://www.instanttragedy.com for all the details and dirt.

I’m finding that it is harder and harder to find people that understand what I do in my career.  Recently I was asked if I would consider moving to Montana if there was a radio gig there.  It’s not the daypart that I work that’s important, but the people I work with.

Thus, it would have to be an opportunity to do something amazing or something that would get me closer to Indiana so I could see the kids more often.

I laughed today as Jo came in and actually took a nap while I made dinner.  She’s not used to working 8 hours a day. Silly student. I think that once she gets into the swing of things that she is going to love this job.  There is still a possibilty of a better gig opening up for her.  I wish her nothing but the best.

She brought up today that I don’t have pictures up on here or on facebook of me and her.

Simple reason, I’m normally the one behind the camera.

Today, I went out and bought a whole bunch of stuff that I’ve been needing at the store but haven’t had the time nor the money for.  It just had to be done.  In Joanna’s mind next stop, new pants and shoes. Hold your horses little missy.

I’ve finally caught up reading the 2100 posts that were stuck in bloglines today.  I kinda missed reading my friends and have been so caught up with my projects at work and home that I haven’t had time to read, play or do anything fun.

That changed tonight.  If I don’t make the changes that allow me to enjoy some time, I’ll end up miserable. But as for now, I am excited and pumped.
Good things are coming my way!

… went to the doctor and there is “nothing he can do”.  I have to wait for the one oozing bleeding wound to heal on its own.

It kinda sucks, but everything else is healing at an incredible rate so I guess I can be patient with it.

No, I can’t.

This weekend was incredible as Joanna and I got to enjoy Brian Regan on Thursday, and instead this weekend I discovered Stephen Lynch. Better and funnier….

Then Friday we enjoyed Sea Monsters at the Science Spectrum…

So WHAT could top that?

Hmm,

How about Darius Rucker , yes HOOTIE, Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley. Jo and I got to meet Darius and Dierks, didn’t get to meet Brad, but from what I heard, his tour manager is a tool. But what do you expect? Tour managers jobs are to be the prick to the artists cool.

We were both happy that Darius brought out the Hootie catalogue and Dierks got an encore. Now how many times have you known an opening act to get an encore? Not many that I have heard of. Brad’s concert was a decent show as he kept the energy up the entire time. People were amazed that Allison Krause “came” to the concert. But they were mistaken by his 48 screen projection system that did a decent job though they had issues with the right half of the screen for the opening number.

It was a great night until I started to feel a pain at one of my sites from the surgery, and when I put my hand to feel it… blood. Not good but as I said at the top there is nothing that I could do.

Joanna has a job interview tomorrow and I hope that she gets the job. She certainly needs it to keep the parents off her back.

Work has been busy and I have five interns this semester which means that they are taking care of all the nitpicking little things that has made my life this year after the surgery easier. I am a lucky man.

I’ve avoided the poker rooms the last couple of weeks because I’m secure that my team I picked for my poker blog will come through and win by the end of the year.

Joanna and I have been losing weight because of our diets. I think that having someone support you is great.

Tonight was the greatest night in a long time. Why?

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One of my childhood heroes was Mark Holtz.  When I moved down to Texas, one of the many times I did, I was amazed by listening to the both the Mavericks and the Rangers with legend.  He opened every Ranger baseball broadcast with “It’s Baseball time in TEXAS!”

I’d used to be taken on a path of amazement as he made the stRangers teams in the 80′s interesting to watch.

But recently I’ve noticed the total indifference about an award that I thought Mark should win. The Ford Frick award in broadcasting.  Now some writers have made efforts in the past, Ex 1. , Ex 2. to have a Texas Ranger broadcasting legend be put into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Now before you nay sayers begin, they have members of the Montreal Expos Broadcasters in the HoF!

Why not Mark?

Hello Win Column is still placed on the scoreboard at the end of every Texas Ranger victory.

Why Not Mark?

Please Texas Rangers, do something right, support Mark Holtz in 2009.

Sincerly,

Texas Ranger Fan in Denial.

News!!!

I saw the doc and he painfully removed the 54 staples and replaced them with steri-strips. So we are closer to full recovery.

and finally…

All 18 tumors were found to be … (more…)

Sarcasm and Guts

This weekend was the most frustrating one for me in a long while.

Let me refresh your memory…

When our hero last left you, he was dealing with the staple sites becoming infected.

“Oh yes, Sean, I have you now.  I will make you itch and miserable. BRING ON THE PUS AND BLOOD!”

“Now wait a min, I’ve been miserable, 5 years worth, and I don’t think you can do this ole Satan!” I laughed at him.

Now in hindsight, laughing at Satan and trying to go a weekend with infected staple sites wasn’t the best idea.

Joanna and I tried putting Neosporin and covering the sites Friday and Saturday.  Now I thought that the misery and tragedy that I had been since the surgery was miserable.  I was wrong.  Now I had been wearing a large dark shirt double X sized that until I looked at it thought didn’t have any blood or pus on it.

I was wrong.

I was slightly pissed off because the doctor had told me that if I had any seeping from the wounds to call him or go to the emergency room.

Well, there was nothing I could do but wait till Monday afternoon at 3 or go into the emergency room.

I didn’t have the money to go and wait for them to tell me that they could pull the staples and after consultation with an EMT and a nurse, I decided to wait until Monday.

Well I do have a set of three sites that just want to excreter pus and blood.  So tomorrow I am looking forward to the doc telling me that he is going to pull the staples.  Then I am going to rip into his staff for the whole she bang about not having adequate post operation information and misdating my prescription for my pain meds till three days after the surgery.

So I’ve had a blood and pus weekend.

The writing process Sean style…

I’ve had a great weekend throwing out 2500 words onto the computer and self editing it down to 1700 for the prologue.  Some people write the damn thing and then edit but I feel more comfortable editing while I write.  I give myself the ability to write on and on but then don’t worry about the loose ends until after I’m finished.  Then I write notes to myself of what I have laid down in the chapter and the progression that I want to take.

After the process is over I look over my notes to see if I have left out any of the themes, characters or red herrings that I want to leave in the pages.  I insert those in what is my second edit.  Then I leave it alone, not touching the writing until 30 days after I have finished the final chapter.  Thus I can look at anew and see if as I read and edit for the third time anything pops up at me that is faulty.

Finally, I let someone I trust read a portion of it.  Now in the past I’ve let Pauly, Al, and Mrs. Riggstad read the second edited material.  With this new portion I’m soliciting a new set of three to read along as I write.  I know Pauly doesn’t have the time and I really didn’t give him the material in a time when he could read it, but I will send him along a copy of the final so he can rip it up.

Why get into the writing process?

I really enjoy constructive criticism but can not stand critics who give me “I don’t like it, I don’t know why.”

When I let some people read the book that were friends of my good friend Kerri, they ate it up , but came back with, “I liked it.”

What I am looking for is someone to mentor the writing process that can encourage, and yet criticize.

Why you might ask?

Because I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way for me to make my dreams possible is to to polish up The Castle while writing Sands of Life and then send them to as many publishers as possible.  I can handle the denial.  I used to not enjoy denial. It was painful and miserable.

But its a part of life.  It’s a part of growing.  And I have been stagnant the last year.  I had something that I loved and I held it where no one could see it.  I held it too close, and I am smothering it.

For me to be truly happy, I have to say that I took a shot.

I’m a lucky man and there are good things to be taken out of this weekend. I started writing again, and I found passion inside me, as well as, pus and blood.

Yes, it is a New Year and I would normally do a lot of things, but I changed my mind and did nothing today. Yup, NOTHING.  Joanna and I had a wonderful dinner last night at Stella’s, she had the Shrimp and Scallop Linguine while I had a sausage and cheese stuffed manicotti.  One of my best friends Joe Woodyard and his fiance Ann were in town and we spent the night playing games, Cranium, even though the clay had died on us we had a great time.

Then the challenge came.  We started to play hearts and the tossing of the queen of spades was everywhere as no one wanted her.  I made a valiant effort to shoot the moon and was denied by Joe who then uttered the words…

“No one will shoot the moon tonight.”

The challenge was there and I had to take it.  I had the ultimate hand to start 6 hearts and a three low with the top three hearts after the queen and 4 of hearts were passed to me.  I also had the Ace and 4 of spades and ace king of clubs plus the Top 3 diamonds.  I knew that if I could get the biatch first then it would be mine.  After taking the first trick with the King of clubs I through out the 4 of spades.  If the queen wasn’t given to someone else, then I was home free.

Joanna and everyone sloughed off and when someone lead with spades and I through the Ace out, I thought Joanna’s eyes were filled with glee and she through it down.

Then I started the punishment!

When it was all done, Joe knew he was doomed.

“You let him shoot the moon!”

Actually Joe, you did.

Never put something in my mind that can’t be done.

This morning Joanna made sausage balls and I made bacon and eggs and we fed Joe and Ann before they started the trip to hell, I mean Kansas.  By the way, I love you guys, but K-State SUCKS!

After we said out goodbyes this morning and Joe and Ann were on their way at 11A we went back to sleep.  I mean who VOLUNTARILY gets up at 8 a New Years Day?  We slept till 3 and then Joanna went home to get stuff accomplished at the apartment while I got up to watch the second half of the Nebraska Clemson game.  Dad and Mom stopped watching it after it was 14-3 and I kept calling them, trying to get them to watch it.

Finally I tempted dad and he and I were excited when Nebraska won.  I am glad they won because Dad believes in Bo Pelini.  He did a great job versus Texas Tech this year and I am dreading the return trip to Nebraska.  Bo does good.

I called Joanna and we went to Dinner and a Movie.  We saw Yes Man.

I would like to say that I hated the movie, but I can’t.  There were people in the movie saying Yes! everytime someone in the film yelled yes.  That got annoying but the film is cute.  It’s a one watcher though.  Some of the bits, you just can’t see happening again and again, though Persian wife finder dot com, now that’s RICH!

I give it the standard 3 stars.  Not enough to make me see it again, but I would recommend people go see it.

Tomorrow I work during the Cotton Bowl. UGH.

why people ask for me to do things and I say yes, but when I ask them to do something for me they don’t?

Why do I feel that I am being taken advantage of by people who have lesser interests than my own?

Why do I feel so much pressure at work?

Why don’t I just crash?

We all have the list. The things to do list, the list that never seems to empty.

Well, today I finished creating the “List” .  The things that I want to do in the next 5 years.

What they are…

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