Time heals all wounds, big and small , to a period where you know the pain has been healed. A scar reminds you of the pain that you suffered.

The Incident

Yes, something happened that I hoped would never happen, especially to someone I love. I’ve been advised by counsel that talking about the aforementioned incident would not be in my interests now or in the future. So I hope I can figure out what I can and want to say.

The Non-Enhanced Shelby, super daughter of mine got all A’s on her report card. Now if that holds up, I will accept the changes. Otherwise I will be saddened.

Congratulations

I will congratulate my ex-wife Angela and her (if I only knew what to call him) Brandon as they are now homeowners. Ryan has his own room and Shelby is sharing a room with her as she calls her “step-sister”. Best of wishes to you guys on your new digs.

I’ve spent the last 36 hours thinking about a lot of things on my plate and things that have affected me in the last 4 months. So I’m going to say what I’ve been holding back and let the chips fall where they may.

I have been so fortunate to have such great people as my friends. I am going to single out some people for special mention and if I don’t mention you , please remember that you are still special in my mind.

Ladies First:

The Wife: What can I say. You allowed me into you and your families life when your husband Doc Chako was in Iraq. You have been quick to offer a hug, and an ear.

Evy: Yup, you are wonderful. Though in the beginning, over a year ago, I made fun of you for your poker play and the jokes of your boobs. However, in the last year, you have developed into a good friend.

Kat: THWAP! The first female blogger I ever met and when our dynamic personalities met it felt like a heavyweight championship in a steel cage. We both don’t give in , and try to hold our emotions in. We both fail. But we have succeeded in a strong friendship picking the other up when the other is down and putting our own tragedies aside for the other. Thank you my friend.

Love Elf: Sometimes special people are put in your life for a meaning. The air I cleared in Las Vegas as we walked and talked was one of the most rewarding chats that I have ever had. All our secrets are still sitting on a stool in the IP sports bar.

My local friends:

Kerri and Amanda: Friends for life. Love ya, mean it. I could say so much, but it would be meaningless.

You know how I feel.

And Kerri, March 23, 2010 is coming soon!

The Guys:

Suflexus: Neither a borrower, nor a lender be is the adage, but you were instrumental in my fun in the Blogger Gathering. You wanted me to have fun and I promised you half my action. I returned all you gave, that you expected nothing in return, and gave you a little extra. Leaps of faith start with a step.

And that step started with :

GCox : Though I am still laughing at you introducing Surflexus as Iggy, I am indebted to you for your nod to me, though it started with a “YOU CAN DO IT!” I probably would not be so emotionally attached with the blogosphere had it not been for you. You are my older brother from another mother.

Pokerenthusiast: Though we haven’t met, I know the type of man you are Dusty. Always wanting, always fighting, especially when the cause is just. I’d back you any time in Razz. Go forth and Donkify.

Riggstad (Jim) : We have a dream and hopes of success. You are delivering the goods. Come to Okie! I’m sure you won’t forget it

I appreciate your friendship more than you’ll ever know.

I look forward to the following in Okie-Vegas:

Hugs from Joanada and Kat

Jet skiiing with Gary and the crew, (I’m volunteering my services as full time dealer this year.)

Meeting of old friends, new friends and moments I will cherish forever.

But now I have to turn to some serious thoughts…

Recently the poker blogosphere was had. We can all admit that we were all had, whether we will admit it or not. Because we let someone into our homes, our lives, sharing our families and friends. But this person needs help, serious help. We can only hope that this person will get the help that they need. For no post, no phone call, no text message, no IM will repair the gorge that has separated this person from the rest of us.

You have lied, cheated , broken hearts and swindled against people who have opened their lives to you. You accuse them of saying bad things about you and hating you. Well, we do. We hate who you are. The trust that we have entitled you to has been totally removed and every time you open your mouth everyone will look at it as just another lie.

Yes, as friends we shouldn’t shun, we should try to help. But you are a locust. You go where the food is ripe, you eat and gorge until there is nothing left and then you move onto the next victim.

You are not hot, rich or a friend to us.

You need help, mental help, to get you to stop lying not only to your friends, but to your family. Back to Step Four for you.

This may seem harsh, but this is the closest, as the friends that you had, will be to an intervention. Because after the lies, you are nothing but a husk of a person. The friend that we once had is long gone.

We wish you well, we want you back, but you will never have our trust again.

For the lies that you spread, I hate you.

For the hearts that you broke, I hate you.

For the people that you fooled, I hate you.

But for the soul that is broken inside… I forgive you.

Please find help Lori. Not only for your husband and daughter, but for yourself.

Battle lines are being drawn:

Sides are being picked and I have chose mine. The problem with picking teams is the person that you always picked last always finds a way to have to bat at the wrong time. But one day, Charlie Brown not only kicks the ball, but bitch slaps Lucy for being such a wench all these years.

The infection that won’t go away:

Now I’ve done the required medication, I’ve slept more than I normally do. But I still can’t get rid of this cough and summer cold/allergies. It looks like the next week some time I will have to just break down and get the doc to look at me again. I know, Sean visiting a doc, twice in one year, you must be really sick. It’s just that I’ve just started to fight.

From the American President:

My favorite quote from the movie is from Martin Sheen (Thanks Pirate Lawyer):

A.J. MacInerney :

“Oh, you only fight the fights you can win? You fight the fights that need fighting!”

Recently I have spent all my time fighting fights that aren’t the ones I need to fight. I fought only battles I could win. It’s because I hate to lose. But yesterday I fought a fight that I had to fight for my own thoughts. I knew it was a losing cause but it was a fight worth fighting.

I’m Sorry:

Recently I have been in contact with people that I thought had hated me, they hadn’t talked to me and I didn’t talk to them wrongly. I was wrong though because they were having a bad time and I took something that was said in jest and frustration to be serious. I held a grudge that I didn’t write or say but it came out at the tables. I am sorry for my actions in non communication and I’ve let the things that you said to me go. Thank You for you understanding and your friendship.

No Computer/ Project X:

The last 36 hours I took a break from my computer, from poker, from a bunch of things and thought. I wrote some of the most amazing writing that you will never see. For it showed the brightest of bright and the darkest of night.

I write on here what I want to write, when I want to write and about who I want to write. Those thoughts are better written on paper where no one can see them ever.

I have met with a designer and I can announce that for Project X, the first book of my series The Castle , now has cover art in design and I am in rewrite #2 of The Castle 2. I took out the entire back portion (80 pages) of the book because as I read it I realized that the characters did not develop enough to make the motions that I needed them to make the 80 pages to work. And it was crap.

A special note to PokerBrian:

Are you talking about Fanta Strawberry? Do you need some shipped to you?

Finally:

I had a breakthrough the first night with my friend Amanda who got me to admit something that I had never admitted before and I will admit it here. I am completely jealous of my ex, Angela, especially how great her life is now, established, happy, relationship and all. It felt good to let it out.

I’m trying to find inner peace, for happiness is around the corner for me. There is no doubt about it.

Thank You for your love of life, your friendship of me, and my hopes for tons of love for my family, tons of luck for my friends, candy and lollipops for my kids. Shelby and Ryan, I miss you and love you more than you will ever, EVER know.

Sean

Main Entry from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

²trust

Function:

verb

Date:

13th century

intransitive verb

1 a: to place confidence : depend <trust in God> <trust to luck> b: to be confident : hope2: to sell or deliver on credittransitive verb1 a: to commit or place in one’s care or keeping : entrust b: to permit to stay or go or to do something without fear or misgiving2 a: to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of : believe <trust a rumor> b: to place confidence in : rely on <a friend you can trust> c: to hope or expect confidently <trusts that the problem will be resolved soon>

 

The federal securities laws do not define the term “quiet period,” which is also referred to as the “waiting period.” However, historically, a quiet period extended from the time a company files a registration statement with the SEC until SEC staff declared the registration statement “effective.” During that period, the federal securities laws limited what information a company and related parties can release to the public.

But I respect the SEC for the things that a quiet period can give a company.  A chance to survived the viciousnes that is corporate america.

More after the jump

(more…)

Project X is going well. There are things I can see that I can improve on and try to make the overall product better.

Just have to get sleep.

I’ve been watching the Dallas Stars game and I believe this team could win this game.  Either that or lose it in heartbreaking fashion.  I really don’t want to go back to San Jose.  The whole “The Stars are 8-1-1 in their last 10 in San Jose” scares the living bejeebes out of me.

I got the laundry all finished after the infamous no water/holes and shtuff everywhere.

Now I have to clean the garage.  I’ll probably do that on Wednesday!

Off to watch the Stars game and then go to sleep.

EDIT: We won, but I am now even more tired.  Sleep is overrated.

This past weekend was challenging for me.  I had rumors at work that I had to temper and dealing with the parents going on a cruise.  Oh how I want to be going with them.

But everything is coming down to a BUSY week this week for me.

I wanted to go to Weekend at Mookies with some of the blogger brethren BUT I am covering the Grand Prize giveaway that I have to do for work so Fri/Sat is out.  Sun doesn’t make sense to go or I’d be there. 

So as I was saying…

(more…)

Yup, just 19 lbs from the goal.

I am feeling better, I bounce back from things like my ankle faster.

I am determined.

19 more to go. 

It may take a bit longer to get to them, but I can tell I am changing.  Someone today asked me if I was getting taller?

I just smiled and said no.

It just happens when you aren’t slumping in self doubt.

Special thanks to Kat today. Your call was right when I needed it.  Your friendship is just what I need.  I’ll see you in Okie-Vegas my friend.

As for last night, the two scourges of my life have found out that I am mad and have done the smart thing. LEAVE ME ALONE.

I am feeling so good about the things I am getting accomplished.

Next step, to finish Project X and have a meeting with the artist who will be working on the graphics for Project Y.

The ominous clouds hung overhead.  A dark patch of black was in the sky as I drove to work today.  I could smell the rain…

But it didn’t rain.

All it did was smell like rain, and my head pounded.

I needed it to rain today.  I went over to a charity luncheon where I was in charge for raising money.  We set a new record today, with me selling as much in one sessions as was sold for BOTH sessions last year.  It was a great success.

As I was showing off the bracelet on my assistants hand my phone rang.

The ring was one I dread to hear.

It was the Transmitter.

(more…)

So today I thought I had lost $100,

Tried to get a haircut,

and talked to the ex-wife about daughter in therapy!

(more…)