A follow up letter to Sean’s friend, The Big Guy, not to be confused with Mr. Big, Miss Piggy or my ex-wife.

Dear Big Guy,

Hey, I thought we had a deal, I’d occasionally talk to you and you’d talk back when you felt like it. Still don’t feel like it? Okay, I guess I’ll be the talker once again this time.

I’ve worked on me since we’ve last talked. I’m not guzzling 2 liters of Diet Dr. Pepper like they were water and instead drinking more water. I’m down to a diet coke or two a week. I’m proud of that. Now the diet kinda got blown when the kids came into town, then the stress of the last couple of days with the new bosses coming in have put me on edge.

Have you renamed me Job?

Are you letting me be tested? Because I KNOW, I KNOW SO WELL that I have still a lot to work on especially in the pride, lust, foolishness and stealing from other and myself.

I find myself stealing time, energy from others since I’ve lost the will right now.

I’ve lost my way completely and I don’t know where I am. No stars to guide, just pitch-blackness in my minds eye.

I’ve almost given up on plenty of things. But I’ve noticed some spots. Just wondering if you’ve been carrying me for a bit?

I have a date on Saturday and I am nervous. She’s pretty, kind and sweet. I don’t know if we can even relate. I just know that I had to try. Was that you kicking me in the butt? Cause I’ve never gone up to someone before these last couple of weeks and said, “I’m a damn good man and you’ll be lucky to be with me.” Never had such confidence. I don’t know what got into me.

Maybe it was a kick in the butt. Maybe it was fear, because each day alone is horrible.

You know I actually slept last night. Thanks for hooking me up with that. It’s been a nice change from the tossing and turning I’ve been facing these last couple of nights.

I guess since I left it in your hands that I shouldn’t need to worry about it anymore. But would you check and see where it is in your in-box please? Don’t give me that look. I was just asking.

I’ve also found in the last couple of days that you have blessed me with incredible people coming through for me without even being asked.

I had one friend, move into another friends house whose brothers and his best friends are poker-playing buddies with me. When I was hurt and at my lowest, you sent these two angels to pick me up. Thank You!

I had another friend, who helped me out on a completely different subject, call me today and just said that she loved me. Thank You!

Then you had one of my newest friends, just close to three months old, tell me that she knows how special a man I am. Sometimes you need to hear that. Thank You!

So life is tough, the bases are loaded; I’ve got nothing on my arm whatsoever.

I guess I have to leave it in the arms of the closer.

I appreciate the angels you have sent, but a special angel, one that I can spend the rest of my life with, would be nice if she was closer to me. Help me find her Big Guy.

I know, that damned patience again, how things operate on your time.

Please remember that I’m not a patient person.

Keep those loved ones and friends of mine next to you safe as you do always and it would be nice if you’d checked in now and then.

Then again,

maybe you already have.