Virginia O’Hanlon wrote to the comments this question:
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no such thing as a comeback from a 3-1 deficit. They said that Dirk isn’t the MVP. Papa says, “If you see it on Instant Tragedy: Just Add Water, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth; is there a miracle for the Mavericks and is Dirk the MVP?
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They think with MP3 players and MTV. They think that nothing can be that is not comprehensible by their little minds. They think that Stephen Jackson won’t be sat for game 6 for his second ejection of the series. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little.
Just ask Joe Woodyard who once wrote “Dear Instant Tragedy, I think Dirk is the man. But I am questioning his sexuality. Is Dirk gay?” We replied with a NEIN and moved on. Not everyone can have a trophy wife like Jeff Gordon. But I digress…
Yes, Virginia, there is a miracle in store for Dallas and a MVP for Dirk. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist. He exists because this is the NBA and since anyone coming out of the East is going to get steamrolled by the West in the Finals, the NBA needed a story, a hook. You know that that conspiracy theories abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.
You really didn’t find a five dollar bill in your jacket. You never left one there. It was put by your father to try and give you some joy in the world. Cause G.W. Bush is sucking the soul… never mind I digress.
Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no miracle for the Mavs. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We would have to listen to Charles Barkley apologize for pissing off Golden State fans as they get swept in the second round.
Nobody sees Dirk as the MVP, but that is no sign that there is no MVP for Dirk. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see.
Believe in Dirk and he will spark 15-0 runs to win games for you. As for Joe Woodyard… get those keys ready. I’m calling off the dogs on the Warriors. Good Fight… GOOD NIGHT!
Go Mavs!
Okay, hot shot…
This is the same guy that said “stick a fork in us– we’re done,” after game four, bemoaning the fact that the man of his fantasies, Dirk the Not-So-Daring, said,”we’re screwed.”
This is the same guy that has more waffles than the frozen food section at Albertson’s. Be a man, for once, and call off the dogs at the start of the series, instead of waiting for the most opportune time.
So has Dirk stopped returning your calls?
Sean Replies:” Nein, you misunderstood me. I said if Dirk, gave up we’re through. Obviously Dirk didn’t give up! Don’t think Joe. It only hurts the ball club!”