It starts out dark, nay, with a twinkle as you look. Then the rich purple, red and gold encompass the canvas radiating like it has never done before though it had the day before. It is a picture that is painted, taken and sometimes captured in a memory. The gloriousness of the Big Guy’s work that is done over and over again morning and evening twenty four hours a day, around a blue marble that rotates around a yellow sun. It is one of the simplest things that man can see.
However, most people don’t see it. They don’t take the time from running Jimmy to soccer and Janet to ballet. Their time is spent taking little Benjamin to kindergarten to dropping off their rebellious daughter to high school. Then work, and getting dinner, and spending time with their loved ones is how most of their days are spent.
They are too busy to see the joy of a sunrise or a sunset. Life has way too many things from them to do or worry about than to just sit back and listen, enjoying a moment that will never ever happen again. It won’t be perfect; since few moments are… it won’t be a disaster, because few moments are. It will just be.
Most people make the same excuses why they don’t do what it takes for their dreams to come true. And until recently I found myself in that boat. “Yeah, everybody has a book in them. I’ll write it one day,” I said to my friend Joe. Then November 2006, during a bout of meningitis I did it.
I’ve written more and done more things that before I would have NEVER done. But I had something to see.
When I went to the blogger gathering in December of 2007, I sat behind men that, before I had thought of as men among men. I talked to Otis while watching him play Pai Gow and saw Al “allegedly” fall (though I have video of it.) We didn’t follow as some “stormed the castle” but went to play some Casino Royale craps. It was people I barely knew offline but people who had given me a chance to be me. I followed Gary’s lead and followed Astin, Alcanthang, Gcox, Recess Rampage, Fuel and others to the craps table. And even when we almost got thrown out of the CR for too much “inappropriate behavior” we still celebrated because the moment was there and we took it.
In all great groups and organizations there will be fights and disagreements, just look at your own holiday gathering with your family. You don’t love them any less do you? No. Because they are family and family sticks together through thick and thin. Yes, there are times you have to sit down a black sheep and try and help them, sometimes you are down on your luck and your family picks you up. Because that’s what family is. They celebrate the hard sixes in life and help you back when you crap out.
Moments are so wonderful that you can’t hold the emotions in, from the first time I went on air to the first concert I introduced (Bryan White). My heart was pounding, I felt like I was sweating a ton. But after I said the intro and passing him as I left, I heard him say thanks.
That’s all I needed. My heart stopped pounding, the perspiration was gone. All of it was in my mind. And as I left the South Plains Fair Coliseum I saw an incredible moon. It was beyond full, huge and as I sat on the swing outside and listened to the concert in one ear, the fair rides in another, I just had a moment by myself.
And I couldn’t take that memory away.
This weekend in Okie-Vegas I had another moment. I was watching my friends talk as they water was whipped by the gusts of wind. We all said everything but yet said nothing. Silence was worth a million words as finally silence was broken with “Sean, you ok?”
Hell yes I was ok. I was surrounded by people who cared and I cared for. I was surrounded by people who though only may have met me once had mutual respect.
We all had a moment. A smile, a laugh, a tear, all the emotions were there. And I think I enjoyed not only the moments that we were together laughing but the moments of self examination and relaxation that a weekend away from the seven phone calls from the office that I really didn’t miss.
There was only one moment where I thought I truly screwed up when I missed a call from Shelby. It never rang and though I was down, for I have never intentionally missed a call from them. Now we may play phone tag, especially when my daughter chooses to call the house phone when I am at work, but I never duck Shelby and Ryan. I felt so bad, and to the rescue, my friends, pointing out that Shelby would understand and didn’t mind that I talked to her for fifteen minutes of the drive from the lake to Gary’s house.
That’s the quality of people I have surrounded myself with.
Yes, the people I have surrounded myself here in Lubbock hasn’t been so mucho bueno, but in the end I would go to war with my poker brethren. I’ve been lucky that the friends that I have here in Lubbock are extremely special. I still have the users and abusers but I have taken their ability to use and abuse me and limit them.
I think the key to happiness now, is not to expect anything but enjoy the moments that you are given. Recently I had stress at work and the last forty eight hours have been close to hell for me. Damon and I discussed that hell only happens after I go on vacation. So he suggested that I don’t go on vacation any more.
I don’t need the vacation for the rest, since I don’t rest because I am always doing something, but I need it for the experiences, to take that moment and hold it, grabbing that one firefly and watching it glow, to releasing it and see it fly away.
I treasure the experiences in life. Good and Bad.