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Instant Comedy – Page 2 – Instant Sean

Category: Instant Comedy

  • Lubbock doesn’t disappoint!

    Lubbock doesn’t disappoint!

    Ah, Lemonade Day. A great effort by people around the country to teach our children the joys of owning their own business.  Teaching them to save some, share some and spend some.  I can already tell on my way to work today what kind of future we have.

    Stand #1 – Nice sign “Lemonade Stand – $1” with a kid in a TIE in front of his house. Mom was watching from the porch. Spent $1 with him. Was polite and asked me if I had drank 3 glasses of lemonade yet. Told him no, he was the first. “Well, there are plenty of great stands out there or you can come back and drink 2 more glasses. I won’t mind.”  Proud of this kid. No hard sell. Probably will throw him a fiver on my way home. I see this kid as a business owner in the future. Also getting beat up a lot (lose the tie, you’re nine.)

    Stand #2 – People , family, friends surround this lemonade stand with signs that say “DELICIOUS LEMONADE” , “Buy 4 glasses, get the 5th free,” and my favorite one of all, “How can you just drive by?”  But I was almost late for work and the kid had a line, with a red carpet leading up to the stand… with a bouncer.  So I drove by. This kid will own a nightclub.

    Stand #3 – This was the one that I can see the most interesting future for. The stand had nice signs all over the place with friends helping direct people to the line.  They had sign up sheets to notify me where he was going to be in the future. But what made me interested the most was his brother who had a stand across the street. I could tell they were related because the poor younger brother was by himself.

    Also because one of the older brothers friends had a sign that said, “My younger brothers lemonaid was made with Swamp Ass water. Mine uses double filtrated ionic water.”

    I went over and threw the kid by himself a fiver.

    Because when you have a future congressman as a brother, you need all the help you can get.

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  • Quick Fixes

    Quick Fixes

    My dad always told me, “if you can’t do it right, step aside and let someone else do it.” The first time I stepped aside, I found that I wasn’t involved with the project ever again.  So instead of stepping aside, I tried my damnest to do the task.

    Quick fixes never work and in the end cost people jobs.  Take the healthcare website.  There was such a push to get it out and it just didn’t work.  What IT/Software mastermind came up and said… “yup, take it around for a spin.” The software was glitchy, nothing tested right and people lost their jobs because it didn’t work.

    But was it a failure of JUST the designers, or a failure of the people who created the program in the first place.  If it was up to me, I would have had a fully designed , beta tested and approved, website MONTHS before I ever threw out the initiative.

    Because in the effort to get things done fast, they weren’t done right.

    There are people in the world who believe solving any problem with the path of least resistance.  There are other people who believe that fixing a problem involve rigging a complex series of things most of them involving duct tape and baling wire.

    But why can’t we do things right the 1st time?

    Cause if the website worked in the first place, nobody would give a damn about it now.

    I once asked my dad for a scooter. My friends had scooters, and at 14, a scooter that could go 30 miles per hour was a step closer to a motorcycle.

    I got a bicycle, with a basket and tassels.

    My dad tried a quick fix.

    In the end, my brother enjoyed that wonderful bike and I walked everywhere. Because after riding with my friend on his motorcycle, there was NO WAY I was riding a bicycle… with a basket… and tassels.

  • Can I have a dog… NO!

    Whatever Lola wants…

    How many times have I said no since Joanna and I started to mourn the loss of our wonderful family member Mugsy Red Raider Von Lubbock?

    It was closing in on a cool 10K when I talked to my mom.

    She was the former breeder and knew all the places to find good dogs and where to separate the wheat from the chaff as my late grandpa might say.

    So, one night before Christmas, right before mom was to go onto a trip to Switzerland and Germany to go to market, I brought up the idea.

    She was cautious but excited.

    “He would want you to move on…, ” she said with a tone in her voice that I have heard many times but ignored.

    I let it go and never brought it up again until Friday night as a lark.

    “Why don’t you find us a puppy mom?”

    “Two,” Joanna said with the tone of more of a wish, than a request.

    “ONE, no more. No less.”

    So Mom was off and Friday was a bust, her usual suspects were either out of the business or had changes their number.

    I had completely forgotten about it, and Joanna was sad, but knew that when the time was right, we’d find the right dog.

    Now, my mom had started again on Saturday and had asked of me and Jo our favorite things to look for. Joanna wanted a Black and Tan Dachshund, but it didn’t matter to me. It was about the personality that had molded me from Brooke, grandpa’s black lab, to Mugs, that to this day must not be taunted.

    “When you see my dog mom, you’ll know. You’ll see something in his eye, a fire that won’t quit. If you see that. You will have found my dog.”

    I had forgotten about that early in the day call, knowing that no matter what, if something was going to happen, it would happen when I least expected it.

    Joanna and I were having a late dinner at On the Border (sorry FTC, no payment by them here) when Mom called. I had my mouth full and I missed the call and just thought that I would call her back.

    Then she called again.

    Something was up.

    “You have a new baby dachshund, a black and tan dapple. Beautiful markings and Sean, I saw a couple of others, but this dog had fire. He was fearless in playing with the dogs much larger than he.”

    Joanna and I had some names in mind, but I never named a dog without looking at him, I mean, there are some dogs that are named SPOT for a reason.

    Joanna HAD to go to Petsmart, then Target (dog Woof!) to get the animal all sorts of appropriate items. She looked at dog clothing but my John Casey growl caused her to walk away.

    So we went to the house staying up till two in the morning, cleaning the house preparing for one dog.  Joanna wanted to get the dog right then, but I thought that we should wait until the 30th and I would pick up the dog while she was doing a jewelry party in San Angelo. However, life isn’t how we plan sometimes.

    And along came Keegan

    The next morning as we woke up to go to church my dad and mom called.

    One of my nieces, Kaitlyn had fallen MADLY in love with “Spotty” as she called him.

    “If you don’t come and get him today, you’ll lose him. I can guarantee that,” my dad said.

    My dad rarely kids.

    I told my mom that we really wasn’t prepared to go.

    She was disappointed and I took a shower trying to figure out how I could get the dog on Saturday after my promotional remote for work.

    I had things that I had to bring my Mom and Dad, gifts from Angel Fire and from the wedding that somehow wasn’t given to them.

    And I left them all on the counter.

    I had brought a dusty soft plastic dog kennel and a blanket and we had reached a little past Abilene when my Mom, who had given in and went to get my niece Kaitlyn her own puppy, called and asked the question that has turned this family upside down…

    “Would you like another one? Someone to play with while you two are at work?” There was nothing I can do, but hand the phone to Joanna and a glint in her eye of pure joy began.

    “You need to work on the fence tonight,” she said as she hung up the phone.

    I had a premonition that no matter what happened, that I wouldn’t be working on the fence that night.

    So as we got to my parents house Dad opened the door and ignoring requests for hugs until we forced them on him, led us to the cage.

    Led us to our dog.

    Now he was the our one choice, the perfect dog. And Aengus is gaelic for One Choice so Aengus McGee joined our family.

    We played outside and had some fun and Mom brought in our second dog. He shook and shook , scared as he could be.

    But when we let him down to potty he became an Olympic athlete.  He darted from here and there, wiggling out of peoples hands and he was so smart that he would do things so we wouldn’t catch him (i.e. hiding underneath the truck).

    We named him Keegan Patrick, Keegan for his fiery personality and speed, and Patrick for my late brother, who seemed to always be wiggling out of situations.

    After dinner and hugs, we started for home.

    But we had to drop off a thank you note at Joanna’s Aunt’s house and while the dogs both enjoyed the use of her yard to relax and piddle, I watched the 3rd quarter of the Saints game.  Joanna showed her aunt pictures of the wedding on their computer.

    We , since the dogs were tired now and kenneled up in their travel carrier, headed home, stopping twice more to let them out for stretching and doing their business.

    Finally home.

    We finally got home at 2 A.M. and took them to their new huge box and crashed watching them look at us and then crawl into a ball on their blanket.

    We took them to the vet because Aengus had a very bloody stool this afternoon and we were concerned.

    The vet gave both dogs medicine for Aengus’s bacterial infection and said that they thought Aengus may have worms but they thought it was just a hair.

    Joanna came home to study for her EMT exam, as I reorganized the newly improved kitchen  cabinets when Joanna called me to help clean up dog poo.

    And TRAGEDY, as I saw the little signs of a puppy who has worms.

    So tomorrow we have to notify the vet, that they were wrong and that the dogs both need to be dewormed AGAIN.

    We notified my mom to have her have the other dogs that were bought from this breeder checked out.

    And I find quite ironic, that the dog that we named for the Wiggle Worm, may not have worms, but the “One Choice” did.

    And that my friends is just another story that once again you can’t make up.

  • Why I am thankful and why I didn’t want the Ficus.

    Joanna and I are about ready to head to Dennis Simmons and his wife’s Kristy’s house for Thanksgiving.  There will be Air Hockey, Spades, good food and maybe we’ll stay and watch the Texas A&M / UT (Just a small 39-33 Reminder April).

    Today I have to tell you that I am so thankful for my family. I don’t get to see them as much as I would like to because of work and a small amount of distance but I talked to everyone (cept Kelly  cause she hasn’t talked to me since Tech beat A&M) and I realized how lucky a man I am.

    In tough economic client : I have a job.

    In times where people are losing their homes : I have mine almost finished remodeling it.

    In times of hunger around the world: I have plenty to eat.

    In times where people can’t afford transportation : I have a car

    There are people without those who care : I am loved.

    I consider myself a lucky man…

    Thank You.

    “Look Sir, I don’t want the Ficus”

    Tuesday night I went to United Supermarkets to renew my car registration.  It’s easier for me to get to because I rarely have time during the week to get to the DMV to get it done.  United is the place to skip the long lines with weird people and just get registration renewals done EASY!

    So, there wasn’t a line and I was SOOO Excited.  In an out EASY RIGHT?

    WRONG!

    First the “MANAGER” couldn’t remember his access code to the DMV, so he had to ask one of his bosses to login.

    TICK TICK TICK…

    Finally he starts to process the renewal and my luck there is a line of people behind me, and I’M holding up the line because the renewal is taking a bit.

    So I have the check, pre-made out for the exact amount of the renewal with a $5 bill in my hand to pay the service charge of a dollar.

    “That will be $91.40 sir,” the Manager said to me.

    “Um my registration is only supposed to be $70.80 sir,” I said wondering what charges he had put on there.

    “Don’t you want the ficus sir?”

    “What Ficus?” I started to look around seeing if there was a ficus plant somewhere near me. “I don’t want a ficus. I’m not paying for a ficus,” I said as I started to get annoyed.

    A woman in line behind me said, “Well , you shouldn’t get the ficus if you don’t pay for it.”

    “Look Mamm, I don’t want the ficus, I am bad with plants I have killed Ficus, or Fici in the past. I don’t want a Ficus,” I said getting even more annoyed.

    “So you don’t want the Ficus sir, ” the Manager said to me.

    “I’m not paying for a ficus that I don’t want sir.”

    “Then don’t buy the ficus,” the lady behind me crows.

    “Please, let me handle this mamm,” I said as I turned to the manager. “One Renewal, no Ficus.”

    15 MINUTES later , I leave with registration renewal and the desire to eliminate FICI from the United Database.

  • from the webmaster…

    Hellooooooo! I just popped in to say that your image problem has been fixed. Good day!