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My Family – Page 2 – Instant Sean

Instant Sean

Category: My Family

  • Why I hate valentines day and I miss my brother.

    This is my strength. This is my soul. This was my brother.

    Tonight as I tossed and turned in my sleep I remember why I wished Joanna was here tonight. I can never sleep the night before your birthday. I always remember how you once told me, “Stop letting the fuckers get you down.” I’ve shed a majority of the weak links in my life. You told me that you were proud of me because I went to St. Louis to play in that poker tournament. Even though I was disappointed even though I final tabled it, you were proud of me for nutting up and just going. You kept me honest, and was fair to me. Even though I think your good heart was taken advantage of, you still loved those who betrayed you. That’s why you will always have a place in my heart and that’s why I still give my heart to those who need it.

    Though you are no longer on this earth, I feel you touch my heart and soul each day. I am here for a higher purpose and I hope you will guide me to it. It’s been six years. And it hasn’t been an easy six.

    Joanna asks me about stories about us and I bring up the days where we both cried and we were both strong. We’d play golf in a dust storm just so we could spend time together. Many people have asked me why I have the tile in my bathroom & kitchen and if I would change it. I told them to fuck off and I mean it. Those were the last things we did together. Though I watched as you worked using the skills that you had learned. Then you came up to the radio station to watch me work. We were both in awe of each other. I remember when you got up on the desk to sign the ceiling tile surrounded by radio talent who had signed before. You didn’t understand the pride the ratings meant to me, but you wanted to leave your mark. You found a blank tile and signed it :

    I Love You Brother – Patman

    I still have that ceiling tile in my office and it will go home with me when I leave. Not because I need the ceiling tile but because it is a link to you.

    I’ve been strong when I once was weak. I’ve cried when once I hid my feelings. Nothing ever changes but yet it did. I don’t mourn your death, I don’t mourn your loss. I mourn not hearing your voice. I mourn not playing golf with you. I mourn talking poker and drinking Irish Whisky with you. I mourn a lot of things. But I see stars shining and I know you are there.

    There are days where I wish I could be next to you, telling stories and calling bullshit on you as you have done so for me. But I guess I have more work on this earth.

    Today would have been your 39th birthday and I would have given you shit all day. I can still hear you say “I can still take you old man.”

    I miss you Patrick.  Happy Birthday Brother!

    Love,

    Your Big Brother,

    Sean

  • The Karma wagon rolls on…

    it

    It’s a business I tell you, relationships with my ex is just a business, just pay the money, smile and laugh.

    And I have, but lately Shelby is asking to live with me and I’m so tempted to say, “YES, come down here. Joanna and I can take care of you.”

    But that isn’t true.  I can’t take care of her because my hours are far from steady and normal.  Hell neither of Joanna and my hours are.

    Take last night, I was at a remote at Buffalo Wild Wings, something that hasn’t happened for a long time and I wanted to just prove that I could deliver for them.  And I did, converting their QB1 from 2 players on Sunday (ALL DAY) to 20 in one night.  I felt good and I didn’t get home till 8 P.

    Now it’s hard when you have limited local friends and family members are 5 hours away.  I didn’t think that it would be good for Shelby and Ryan to be living in my unpredictable life back when Angie left.

    Now I could have gotten a court order to keep her in a nine country range, but I let her go. I did what I thought was best and karma would pay me back.

    “Daddy, do you think you’d mind if I could come live with you after my cat dies? I know you are allergic to cats and I don’t want you to get sick,” Shelby told me last week.

    I just looked at the phone and a tear fell, “When the time is right you will be here, Shelby.”

    “Maybe I can go to Texas Tech and live with you.”

    “I’d like that,” I said as I started to shut down.

    That’s when I got sick.  I had worked the last two weeks preparing for the Eddie Money show and I ran myself down.

    Thus when yesterday I started the phlegm and puke parade I wasn’t surprised.

    But I wasn’t sad. It wasn’t tragic.  It was life.  And Johnny, life isn’t miserable.  I have a great woman who loves me and offers me opportunities to grow, love and fight for things that mean something to me.

    I’m playing poker again. And winning.

    I’m writing on the second half of the novel… and I think I’m seeing clearer than I ever have.

    Finances still suck.  And last night an opportunity presented itself.

    When I left the bar I checked the envelope that had my pay from the event.

    And it was double what it was supposed to be.

    And a moment presented itself.

    I could :

    A. Take the extra money, say nothing, think that it was a bonus that was earned for my hard work.

    B. Take the extra money, and thank the poor shmuck who is going to have to pay it back.

    C. Take the extra money, and think that it was karma paying me back for the $100 that I lost in the Texas Tech press box at the Rice game.

    D. Go back and explain that something was wrong.

    Obviously you know which choice I made.

    But would you make the same choice?

    Karma will pay me back in the future.

  • 2 Weddings and a Funeral…

    I’ve been working on the house a lot and it’s almost finished. I’m really proud of the work and the handyness that I have discovered in me. Maybe it was latent in me and I just had to do it on my own. Maybe it wasn’t my hands doing the handy stuff.

    Maybe it was Patricks.

    Never the less, I’ve reached the point of what is done is done, and what can’t be done won’t be. (more…)

  • No Brainer….

    After many sleepless nights miserable, unhappy and alone I found her.

    I had suffered for years, looking in the wrong place for love.

    At first, I looked and tried to push her away.

    And I went away to disaster after disaster, tragedy after another.

    But then one night our eyes met again.

    And I knew she was mine.

    I had to make it last forever.

    Tonight, I proposed to Joanna Watson, soon to be Joanna Watson Donahue.

    No one person has ever meant to me, other than my kids and family, as much as she does.

    She makes me a better man each day.

    She supports me when I am low,

    and is beside me when I am happy.

    I am the luckiest man alive.

    And December 19th, she’ll be mine forever.

    I love you Joanna Watson Donahue.

  • An ongoing trip report…

    My Dearest Joanna,

    The drive to Ft. Worth was easier since I talked to you a majority of the ride.  I finally fell asleep at 3:30 in the morning and I miss your smell and your touch.

    When I woke up this morning I was filled with excitement and dread.

    Excitement for I am about to embark on a journey that I thought would never ever happen. Dread as I was trying to live seven days without communication with work, no computer, no internet, no telephone contact with you.

    This will be the test of my life.

    I’m writing you from the Admirals Club and would like to thank American Airlines for the free way to talk to you.

    I’m thinking of and loving you.

    Your boyfriend,

    Sean