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My Family – Page 4 – Instant Sean

Instant Sean

Category: My Family

  • What I see when I look out the window

    When I look out the window, I see a world of possibilities.

    I see an almost empty parking lot that dreams of being full on a Texas Tech football game day. The smells of grilling meat, stale beer and anticipation hanging in the air. The sounds of rowdy Tech fans laughing and debating which player is going to be the star of the game. The sights of various tailgate parties with big screen TVs hooked up to a random satellite dish in the back of someone’s truck. Young children dressed in their favorite player’s jersey (custom made to fit a 4 year old aspiring quarterback) or the newest size 6 fashion in Tech cheerleader uniforms. College students dressed in what they feel is the most impressive piece of Tech gear they own. (and ladies, not all of us look attractive in the flour sack dress with the cowboy or UGG boots!) The parents and grandparents running herd on all of the kids, and drunk college students. Every person brought together for a common goal, to see Tech GO, FIGHT, WIN!!! And after the game, when all of the vehicles have left until the next game, the parking lot looks a bit bare. Like all of the life has been removed, but just so it could rest. But it still has the dream, as the leftover trash blows in the West Texas wind, that the next football game could be the one.

    I see a field that has just been harvested. The crops have been cut and stored or shipped off. The field will now be plowed under to allow it to rest for the winter. Like everything else in life, it too needs a rest. Until the last frost, when it will begin to grow once more.

    I see the West Texas sky, though dark at this very moment, held a beautiful sunset a few hours ago. The sun set in a sky which held hues of red, gold and orange, like fall leaves. It reminded me that no matter what happens in the day, ‘this too shall pass’, like the sunset. The night sky, which I love in Lubbock, far surpasses almost anywhere else I have ever lived. My parents have the advantage of living outside of town, and even though I can see the Milky Way from their house, it’s just not the same as the stars in West Texas. We can drive out 10 miles in almost any direction and face away from town and see all the stars we want.

    These are just a few of the reasons that I really do LOVE Lubbock. It hasn’t always been my favorite place on Earth, and that has to do with the things that I didn’t mention, such as the allergies, but over the last 3 year, it has been really good to me. I have made friends here that will last me a lifetime. I know that no matter where we are in the world, as long as there’s a phone, I have my friends right there with me.

    Lubbock wasn’t my “number one” choice for ‘life after graduation’, it was my number two. It was that, long before I realized that my reason for moving back to Austin had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to go back to Austin, just that I had no reason to stay in Lubbock. There were no ties for me to stay in a great place, where I have been happy.

    All but one of my friends had left the area, and I didn’t feel like I wanted to go to the ‘trouble’ of making new ones. Then I realized that I wouldn’t be happy here for the 9 months that I was going to be here ‘by myself’ if I didn’t at least make the effort to find a friend or two. My one friend from what we refer to as the ‘past’ tried to get me involved in Junior League and Young Professionals of Lubbock, and my excuse was ‘I’m leaving in December”. That’s been the excuse for as long as I can remember.

    Enter Sean. Through him I have made at least 3 new friends in the last 3 weeks. And guess what, I already consider them good friends. They accepted me for who and what I am, and for that I am grateful. It will make staying in Lubbock even better.

    I got even better news last week! Another friend  of mine is moving back to Lubbock, and one more might come back too!

    So, all in all, even though staying in Lubbock had become my back-up plan…I think it was probably always my original plan. I had already looked into a job, which I got good news about yesterday.(yes, they are still hiring, and I should go ahead and apply, since I will be a Tech graduate, they will probably hold a job open for me to start after I graduate. And if I get my commission reactivated before I get hired, there are positions open at the airport immediately…can we say off at 2200?!) I had looked into buying a house, but now, I can be an answer to a friend’s prayer and help her with rent. (instead of paying $1000 a month in rent alone!) As far as my family is concerned, back when I had talked of the possibility of staying in LBK, my dad did a little research on returning to Lubbock when they retire. (My parents went to Tech, back in the day.) So, to all the nay-sayers, I will tell you a secret…I plan on staying in LUBBOCK!!!  =)

  • My Super Non Ex-Girlfriend

    I first met her at the hotel at which my, at that time, girlfriend worked.  I had no idea who she was, but she was in “MY SEAT” and I wasn’t going to have any little missy give me any lip.

    “Hi, nice to meet you, can I sit down next to my girlfriend,” I said with venom hissing out of me.  Who does this woman THINK she is?

    “That’s nice, no you can’t sit on the floor,whoever you are,” she said with an equal amount of venom.  We both hissed and marked our territory with her, being my girlfriends best friend.

    I had no reason to talk to her as we ended every discussion with a fight.  Meaningless little fights as small as who was the last to spend time with the girlfriend.

    One day my girlfriend told me that “her” would rather favor women than to ever see me.  I responded that I would rather knaw my arm off than spend one moment with her.

    We didn’t talk again for a year.

    Whenever we did it was snarky, rude just venom filled hate. I still don’t remember why we hated each other so much. But we did.

    So a couple of weeks ago, as I left a promotional appearance for my job, I was honked at.  I didn’t know who the person was that honked but gave the standard “Hi, thanks for listening wave.”

    She sent me a message that said, ” you know, when you see someone that you know in the convenience store, you should say hi…even if you absolutely despise that person…lol…”

    I was pissed, I waved, Great, it was HER and I had to respond.  What did she want. We had not talked to each other in over a year and it was the best year of my life. I mean the last time I talked to her I told her ”
    Just take the nightstick out and realize that we (The Current Girlfriend at the time and I) think you are great, though we are worried about your desires to handcuff men to your bed. 🙂 Luv ya, mean it sd”

    So I was polite and responded, ” When did I see you? I don’t despise you at all, 😉 Call me sd” because I really didn’t despise her, just didn’t understand why she chose to always be nasty to me.

    She wrote back, “you’re a dork…and i don’t have your number….lol…i sasw you the other day at the gas station at frankford and 19th.”

    And then it all clicked. THE HONKER! Well crap, what did SHE want?

    It couldn’t be easy, it had to be difficult, ” better idea…why don’t you call me.”

    Games, always had to be games with her.

    I called her that night and we talked.

    And talked, and talked. Until 4, yes ladies and gentlemen FOUR in the morning.

    I found out that she NEVER did hate me, just wanted to be a pain in my ass.

    So I had already had gone out on Friday to run some errands after staying late at the house and headed back in from (what I found out later was her side of town) when she texted me. [Come meet us for dinner].  Her friend Megan and her were at Moe’s eating dinner. I wasn’t able to since at this time, I was letting mugsy out of his cage so he could use the restroom and walk around each night.  I had to put him up so the tile guys who were putting down the new floor, wouldn’t have mugsy jumping up and down on them while they tried to work.

    So I let Mugsy out, and headed to the date that would change the way I thought about her.

    I met her friend Megan and her at the New Buffalo Wild Wings and we watched the opening ceremonies and she and I tried to play trivia without boxes.  I schooled her and we just started to talk.  All of the sudden, Megan excuses herself and she and I are alone. We talked about our hopes, our dreams, our wishes. And then it clicked.

    She had to get ready for her two week trip to Philadelphia and Pittsburgh for visiting her best friend and her cousin’s wedding. I wished her luck and walked her to her car. As we got to the front door I tried to hold open the door.  And she walked right past me opening the other door and then she turned back.  I must have had a look of shock or disappointment on my face because the look on her face was priceless. I had kicked her dog, smacked her face and peed in her post toasties. She knew she had screwed up.

    When we finally got to her car I gave her a hug, telling her the night was still young. But it wasn’t meant to be. She opened her truck door and got in. I turned to walk to my car and go away, but I had to do something.

    I walked up to her and in my mind said ok. Make your stand.

    “Honey, if I don’t say this I’m going to hate myself forever. But after talking to you and thinking, I realized one thing. Maybe all this time I was dating the wrong girl.” And I kissed her, tenderly, passionately and it only took a tenth of a second for her to kiss back. It was wonderful. She went home to pack and I went home to crash, but it didn’t happen. That night we talked to 2 in the morning and I had a remote and she had cleaning to finish before she left so I went to bed thinking. “What in the hell did I do tonight?”

    The next morning I went to my remote and she called me telling me that we wanted to come and see me before my remote was over. But she never did and as I was leaving for the station she called me asking if I could come see her. I went over to her apartment and as I called for directions (I’m like that, I really need a GPS unit) she laughed and directed me in.  Now Megan was supposed to take her to the airport. But as the clock got closer and closer she got more nervous.

    “How about I just take you to the airport hon?” I asked trying to help her out.

    “Megan has to get my keys,” she said as she vacuumed nervously. “She has to feed my fish.”

    So we waited until we couldn’t wait any longer, I started to help her take her stuff to the car. “You can drive my truck if you want Sean,” she told me.

    “Nah, let me use my car,” I said as I started loading things in.  I really don’t drive other people’s vehicles, all I drive is my company car and my car.

    As we started to pull out in came Megan and her various assistants. SHE gave the keys up, and I got her to the airport.  As I unloaded the bags I gave her a hug and a kiss on her forehead.  I didn’t try for a kiss on the lips. I wanted to play this slow.

    She left and I didn’t think another thing about it, till I got a call from her telling me how much she appreciated me.

    We talked on and off all the way her trip to Philly.

    Every day the next week, we talked to 2 or 3 in the morning. We explored our friendship with each other and I had to pass several tests, including the “best girlfriend test”, the “friend who is a psychologist test” and the “Talk to my mother test”

    I guess I passed.

    So I told you that I would be making a small announcement here, so here it goes…

    (more…)

  • Dear Big Guy,

    Thanks.

    Sean

  • A date with someone who hates me…

    Today was a great day, now some of you would be saying if you had a date, why are you home so early?  Just sit back and enjoy  the story.

    The bosses were on my case this morning, it was as if they were saying “You won Employee of the Month, now don’t rest on your laurels dumbass!”  So they were being very picky… ugh.  But I guess their point is that they don’t want anyone to think that I am doing any less now that I have won it. Whatever, I am just following my new mantra. (more…)

  • Grey clouds in my heart…

    That’s what I had last night/this morning as I left Oklahoma City and headed home.

    Six hours of re-evaluation.

    Where I am as a friend, who I am and what I need.

    I needed something to do that didn’t think how my nose itched and my chest heaved. Until I hit the Texas state line and it started to pour.  Then I kept my mind on just trying to stay on the road while its pouring cats and dogs.

    I like driving for self examination.  I look at the mistakes I have made and the choices I will make in the future.

    I made one last chance with someone mean ever so much to me.

    I gave her a last chance to see me who I am. And she told me that we would never be together ever again.

    I was sad and I tried not to cry as I hung up the phone.

    I pulled over and was thinking about the power of the 12th of July.  It would have been my sisters 37th birthday.  What would she have done?  Would she have married Trent?  Would she live in Bedford?  Would she still become a pharmacist?

    Those thought were heavy like the rain as I pulled back onto the road.

    As I walked into the house and into her arms I knew I would never love her again. And it was sad.

    The past is such a fickle thing.  It gives you hope for the future and yet reminds you not to forget it or you’ll be doomed to repeat it.

    She told me tonight that her next relationship would be not even with a male. Perhaps a female.

    It didn’t matter what she said.  All I heard was just not you.

    We have a limited time on this earth and now I am not chasing, but grasping for experiences and those I would have never chased before.  Last year, at this time, I took a gamble, which made me into such a better rounded person.  I found new friends, new acquaintances and new people who hate me. Lucky me.  For the changes that I have made have opened my eyes to a new world, a new life. For it are the experiences that are priceless, not anything that we can buy or sell.

    I can count on my finger the chances that I have taken in the past because I never took them. I never stuck my head out of the shell to see what the world has to offer. And that’s a crying shame.

    I’ve forgiven those who have thought that I have hurt them and hurt me back. I can’t wait to visit Stacy when she is back in Phoenix. We have put aside our differences and tried to work out a friendship that at one time was so damaged we couldn’t even mention the others name without the venom of hate corrupting our soul.

    I’ve pardoned those who have sinned, lied and cheated against me. You will not have my trust anymore, but my sympathy. For your lost soul will continue haunting this earth long after your mortal body leaves it.

    I’ve continued to understand those who have seen that their lives have changed beyond their control and accepted the differences of them. For I see not only who they are, but who they were.

    I had a special moment in the car driving from the lake house to Gary’s house in Oklahoma City. Three divorced men sitting in the car, talking about things that make them weak, make them strong and how wonderful the people they have surrounded themselves have been.

    And that moment will be a part of my heart. As the moment, I had to pull a friend away from a game, to tell him I had to leave because I couldn’t breathe. So frustrated I was, because of all the things going on in my head, that I didn’t want to spoil his day.

    I used to cause fights with my dad and mom when I had to leave for Texas Tech after a visit so I could just go away. I hate saying goodbye. It’s the one thing I will never do.

    It is until we meet again, tomorrow, the next day or in the arms of the Big Guy.

    My heart is aching tonight, not because of the experiences that I missed by leaving earlier than I planned, for it worked out better for me. I got laundry done, work stuff prepared and I will rest more than I usually do before I go into work. Nay, my heart aches for my family, who mourns once again my sister’s absence from this earth. I mourn too, knowing that mom but yellow roses on her grave from her big brother.

    As the grey clouds continue to circle my heart, I hope to find the sunshine that will continue to shine upon me.

    Then the phone rings…

    “Daddy, it’s me Shelby, can we talk?”

    Can you feel the sunshine my friends?