Today was a great day, now some of you would be saying if you had a date, why are you home so early? Just sit back and enjoy the story.
The bosses were on my case this morning, it was as if they were saying “You won Employee of the Month, now don’t rest on your laurels dumbass!” So they were being very picky… ugh. But I guess their point is that they don’t want anyone to think that I am doing any less now that I have won it. Whatever, I am just following my new mantra. (more…)
It starts out dark, nay, with a twinkle as you look. Then the rich purple, red and gold encompass the canvas radiating like it has never done before though it had the day before. It is a picture that is painted, taken and sometimes captured in a memory. The gloriousness of the Big Guy’s work that is done over and over again morning and evening twenty four hours a day, around a blue marble that rotates around a yellow sun. It is one of the simplest things that man can see.
That’s what I had last night/this morning as I left Oklahoma City and headed home.
Six hours of re-evaluation.
Where I am as a friend, who I am and what I need.
I needed something to do that didn’t think how my nose itched and my chest heaved. Until I hit the Texas state line and it started to pour. Then I kept my mind on just trying to stay on the road while its pouring cats and dogs.
I like driving for self examination. I look at the mistakes I have made and the choices I will make in the future.
I made one last chance with someone mean ever so much to me.
I gave her a last chance to see me who I am. And she told me that we would never be together ever again.
I was sad and I tried not to cry as I hung up the phone.
I pulled over and was thinking about the power of the 12th of July. It would have been my sisters 37th birthday. What would she have done? Would she have married Trent? Would she live in Bedford? Would she still become a pharmacist?
Those thought were heavy like the rain as I pulled back onto the road.
As I walked into the house and into her arms I knew I would never love her again. And it was sad.
The past is such a fickle thing. It gives you hope for the future and yet reminds you not to forget it or you’ll be doomed to repeat it.
She told me tonight that her next relationship would be not even with a male. Perhaps a female.
It didn’t matter what she said. All I heard was just not you.
We have a limited time on this earth and now I am not chasing, but grasping for experiences and those I would have never chased before. Last year, at this time, I took a gamble, which made me into such a better rounded person. I found new friends, new acquaintances and new people who hate me. Lucky me. For the changes that I have made have opened my eyes to a new world, a new life. For it are the experiences that are priceless, not anything that we can buy or sell.
I can count on my finger the chances that I have taken in the past because I never took them. I never stuck my head out of the shell to see what the world has to offer. And that’s a crying shame.
I’ve forgiven those who have thought that I have hurt them and hurt me back. I can’t wait to visit Stacy when she is back in Phoenix. We have put aside our differences and tried to work out a friendship that at one time was so damaged we couldn’t even mention the others name without the venom of hate corrupting our soul.
I’ve pardoned those who have sinned, lied and cheated against me. You will not have my trust anymore, but my sympathy. For your lost soul will continue haunting this earth long after your mortal body leaves it.
I’ve continued to understand those who have seen that their lives have changed beyond their control and accepted the differences of them. For I see not only who they are, but who they were.
I had a special moment in the car driving from the lake house to Gary’s house in Oklahoma City. Three divorced men sitting in the car, talking about things that make them weak, make them strong and how wonderful the people they have surrounded themselves have been.
And that moment will be a part of my heart. As the moment, I had to pull a friend away from a game, to tell him I had to leave because I couldn’t breathe. So frustrated I was, because of all the things going on in my head, that I didn’t want to spoil his day.
I used to cause fights with my dad and mom when I had to leave for Texas Tech after a visit so I could just go away. I hate saying goodbye. It’s the one thing I will never do.
It is until we meet again, tomorrow, the next day or in the arms of the Big Guy.
My heart is aching tonight, not because of the experiences that I missed by leaving earlier than I planned, for it worked out better for me. I got laundry done, work stuff prepared and I will rest more than I usually do before I go into work. Nay, my heart aches for my family, who mourns once again my sister’s absence from this earth. I mourn too, knowing that mom but yellow roses on her grave from her big brother.
As the grey clouds continue to circle my heart, I hope to find the sunshine that will continue to shine upon me.
Then the phone rings…
“Daddy, it’s me Shelby, can we talk?”
Can you feel the sunshine my friends?
So I boarded the flight to get to Ft. Worth to surprise my mom and sat down where frick and frack came along. We had two stewards for the flight. It was funny to see, one was thin and one wasn’t. As they are loading us into the mini pigeon that will take us to Dallas-Ft. Worth International Airport I hear over head music with the theme of “Songs from and about Dallas”.
Which then made me think…
Would I hear Mac Davis’ “Lubbock in my rear view mirror” thirty times while I waited to depart for home?
Never the less, we were waiting for the one last passenger to get on and the pilot comes over the intercom.
“Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen from the Flight Deck. We’ve had a ‘glitch’ in the computer system up here, nothing to worry about, but we’re going to give it the old Control-Alt-Delete to let it reset. Watch your hands, cause it gonna get dark as we shut it down. Probably nothing but we’d like to be sure as we fly this million dollar aircraft on time and maybe a bit early to DFW. Watch your hands…”
Then slowly and surely everything went dark.
All the window covers were closed to prevent the heat from coming in and no one moved to open one up.
It was dark.
We heard beeps and more beeps then silence.
We sat in the dark and then BOOP, everything slowly started to come back up.
I looked at the flight deck as the nerves started to increase…
“Well, everything looks great up here and we’ll be on our way to DFW real soon, Flight Attendants, prepare for departure.”
Normally my self defense mechanism won’t let me do anything but sleep while on a plane. Whether it be for 47 min for 4 hours, I normally just crash out on the plane.
Not this time. I heard ever call button, every clink of ice, every conversation.
But not a single boop or groan from the cockpit.
When I got off the plane I breathed a sigh of relief.
Because I wondered for just a moment if I should get off a plane that needed a Control-Alt-Delete.
take a personality test so I could be told what type of person I was.
Was it much of a shock to you?